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12 years together.. Where did he go? Depression.

Hey all,

I am Hilary 30 years old and my husband Matt 37 years old and I have been together for 12 yrs,rather married for 5 yrs. Matt's character is everything I love in a man: caring, thinks of others before himself, hardworking, Godly, and takes very good care of me ( I am a full-time student at Clemson University). With that said, we are a one income family. I understand it is very difficult on my husband because if he loses is job, we lose everything.

His job is very very high stress and it has made him dip into a huge depression. Not only the job but our one income situation that brings the stress to a higher level. Also, his father died on my birthday (Sep10) which makes it even worse. His father died quite a few years ago but the hurt never heals.

Before we moved to Clemson we moved in with his mother because the University was closer to her home than ours. His drinking progressed to an every night event.

His drinking lasted for 3 years while I have been in school. I took on all the responsibilities: cleaning the house, paying the bills, taking out the trash, grocery shopping, taking dogs out, washing cars, making Matts counseling appointments. To top it off I felt like I was living by self while he sits on the couch and watches TV and drink. After taking care of the household, I had to stay up and do homework. I became fed up on Valentines Day 2015 where he passed out drunk at 7pm. Holidays are not that important to me because I know we love each other but do NOT go to sleep at 7pm on valentines day!

Hes been in counseling for about 3 months now and have not gotten to the depression issue. A few days ago we came to a breaking point: I told him that he is depressed.. end of story. He admitted it, surprisingly.

Now I am in a difficult predicament. My husband is depressed. What do I do now? I have read several articles on the steps of depression and how to handle it but since his behavior has been terrible for so long (3yrs), I fly off the handle very quickly. I feel like I have lost a great deal of my patience with him and it is harder to get over silly or serious fights.

Even though I need to practice my patience with Matt because of his depressed illness, it still effects me. It effects me in ways where I dont want to do anything after we fight and I cry. Most of the time I am in a bad mood because he is in a bad mood. I feel like a crazy person because he makes excuses/defensive for EVERYTHING. I guess my question is: how do I cope with my husband being depressed and how do I deal with his episodes? I am already fed up because of the duration of frustration that has built up until we finally have found out why he has changed.

I have struggled with depression many times and have overcome without medication. Therefore, I understand him and my experiences are helping me tremendously be a patient as I can be.


Lovers, Best Friends in Distress.


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