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I'm giving up the fight

I've been told that getting visitations with my dd, who is 14.5 and wants nothing to do with me is a waste of time. We were always very close, but after the split in July, and after 3 shared custody visits she has decided to live with dad, her brother and brothers gf full time. I contacted the court system and they said it would take 6 months to get the order, and at her age they will not enforce it or maintain it. So this means my ex wins.

He vowed that he would see that I would end up alone and bitter if I left him. And he has ensured that. The whole time she was with me he would text her that her dog missed her, that he was depressed without her, that he would allow her to have no curfews, and let her get piercings, use foul language and do what she wants. I text her that I love her all the time and invite her to do things but get no response. She did text me a few weeks ago asking me to mail her money. I bought a condo 8 blocks from the family home. I'm always asking her to visit for an afternoon, go out shopping, and I do the same with my son. I just get no replies.

I left due to a 3 year PA on h's part and a lot of emotional abuse. My son, 23 is in his dad's camp. He does not believe his dad had an affair ( I have the aids and syphilis tests and the marriage proposals from my ex to his OW). But of course I won't involve the kids by showing them these things.

I don't see them anyway, other than a gift grab for 10 minutes by my son on Christmas Day, he came alone and said his sister wasn't interested in coming. I also got a nice gift for son's gf and received no acknowledgement. Son got me a cheap box of chocolates after I loaned him $500 before Christmas.

I was always good to my kids. Always worked hard to make things special for them. Always told them I loved them. Was the parent that taught them to swim, ride a bike, helped son learn to drive because his dad was too chicken to go out with him. Helped son to get his first job at McD's by filling out the application with him. Paid son's tuition to college every year so far.

Where to go from here in life? Is there any point to going on?

I can't return, my nerves cannot take another round of him pitting our son against me. This was happening all the time, I would do something my ex disapproved of and he would run and tell our son who would rage at me. No way for even a dog to live. Also name calling and religious rants about what a bad Christian I was if I so much as alluded to the A.
Thanks for reading, I won't post on this again. I am just really, really depressed tonight.

IFTTT

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