I started a relationship with my housemate at university about six weeks after term began last year (we didn't know each other previously, so when I moved into the house it was the first time we met). He'd been crazy into me the whole time, but I was initially nervous- going out with someone you live with is never a good idea, right? Plus I'd never actually been in a proper relationship before, so the whole thing was new and slightly terrifying. I liked him, but I wasn't sure just how much I liked him, and whether it was worth it. But he convinced me to give it a try; he adored me so much, and there was a lot I liked about him, and along with promises that this would be "the best year together", I was happy to give it a go.
He had a change of heart around two weeks ago, and broke up with me last week. To say that it was a shock is an understatement- I can't describe just how into me he was when we first got together- he even told me that the six weeks we spent as friends before getting together were painful for him, because he wanted to be with me so much. I'm not doubting the veracity of his original feelings, and he's saying that I've done nothing wrong in the relationship- that he still cares about me as a person, that I was a great girlfriend and so on. But apparently recently it just hasn't felt 'right'.
I understand that these things happen, and I'm trying to focus on getting on with my work and keeping busy to stop myself from being upset. But unfortunately in the last month of our relationship I really fell for him- it's as though as his feelings waned, my feelings grew. The most difficult thing is, of course, that we live together, and he wants us (when I'm ready) to still be friends like we were before, to hang out together sometimes, but without the romantic side of things.
I'm not really sure how to deal with this. When I see him I feel better, but I'm guessing that's just because I still want to be with him, and I miss him and spending time together (even doing things like hanging out in the kitchen) is the closest I'll get. But another part of me thinks that I'm going to struggle to move on, even if we only spend the odd evening together.
I'm pretty cut up about the whole thing, especially because he's the first guy that I've ever fallen for. Ultimately I don't want to lose his friendship, but am I right in thinking that perhaps it's too soon for us to just go back to hanging out? It also really upsets me how he seems to be dealing with the break-up okay (he said he'd already processed all of the horrible feelings beforehand, whereas I'm having to deal with it all now) and I swing from being annoyed at him for being somewhat insensitive, to just longing to be with him and thinking that he's done nothing wrong.
TL;DR: first relationship with housemate who was originally doting but decided to end it after a change of heart. He wants to hang out now like we used to when we were just friends, but I'm not sure whether I should- will it help, or will I struggle to move on?
He had a change of heart around two weeks ago, and broke up with me last week. To say that it was a shock is an understatement- I can't describe just how into me he was when we first got together- he even told me that the six weeks we spent as friends before getting together were painful for him, because he wanted to be with me so much. I'm not doubting the veracity of his original feelings, and he's saying that I've done nothing wrong in the relationship- that he still cares about me as a person, that I was a great girlfriend and so on. But apparently recently it just hasn't felt 'right'.
I understand that these things happen, and I'm trying to focus on getting on with my work and keeping busy to stop myself from being upset. But unfortunately in the last month of our relationship I really fell for him- it's as though as his feelings waned, my feelings grew. The most difficult thing is, of course, that we live together, and he wants us (when I'm ready) to still be friends like we were before, to hang out together sometimes, but without the romantic side of things.
I'm not really sure how to deal with this. When I see him I feel better, but I'm guessing that's just because I still want to be with him, and I miss him and spending time together (even doing things like hanging out in the kitchen) is the closest I'll get. But another part of me thinks that I'm going to struggle to move on, even if we only spend the odd evening together.
I'm pretty cut up about the whole thing, especially because he's the first guy that I've ever fallen for. Ultimately I don't want to lose his friendship, but am I right in thinking that perhaps it's too soon for us to just go back to hanging out? It also really upsets me how he seems to be dealing with the break-up okay (he said he'd already processed all of the horrible feelings beforehand, whereas I'm having to deal with it all now) and I swing from being annoyed at him for being somewhat insensitive, to just longing to be with him and thinking that he's done nothing wrong.
TL;DR: first relationship with housemate who was originally doting but decided to end it after a change of heart. He wants to hang out now like we used to when we were just friends, but I'm not sure whether I should- will it help, or will I struggle to move on?
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