My wife(42) and I(32) met 2 years ago. She was still living in her ex boyfriend's(30) house 6 months after he moved on. They were together for 7 years, she met him during her divorce, she had 2 boys (17, 9) from her marriage that she brought into his house, and didn't think it was fair she should have to move them out.
When she told me she was still living with her ex. I backed off, only made phone contact when she initiated, I told her I needed a fresh start, so this wouldn't work for me.
A month later she moved out. I was blown away, and we started dating.
I spent most of my adult life single, one a year I would start dating, it usually only lasted 3 months, and if at that point, I didn't feel the person was marriage material, I ended it. I was a serial dater, looking for a spouse, and didn't want to waste anybody's time. Usually things would start to become sexual, I had to press myself to make a decision if this is the person I will make my wife, if not, I need to save the passion for the one that is. I was very open and honest, I think a lot of girls felt shamed by my conscience, but wasn't comfortable screwing around with women I wasn't ready to marry.
We became sexual, and I pressed the question of marriage 3 months in. She wanted marriage like something fierce, I loved the idea of settling down, and I felt like this could be genuine. We got engaged and set the date for 3 months.
During our 3 month engagement I still lived in my apt, her in her rental, we shared bills, and talked about expectations and boundaries. Its at this point red flags were everywhere, most of the boundaries I believed were common knowledge, I had to fight for. Like talking about relationships with opposite sex friends, meeting other guys alone for dates. I had to fight for them, and was told I was too controlling. Setting boundaries was like pulling teeth. I ended up having to give her the ultimatum, so she agreed to the boundaries, but I would always be reminded of how unfair it is to expect her to give up these single liberties, often she exaggeration my expectations to her friends and family, saying I don't allow her to talk to men, or made her give up guy friends... She still hangs out with guys, and talks to more guys than girls, and it hasent been an issue for the most part, and her friends know that doesn't bother me.
But once in awhile, I find out that she is violating those boundaries, even her own boundaries, like posting our fights on fb, that was one she set, and breaks every time. But she hides it from me, and when I confront her, she gets defensive, and diverts, or makes excuses why those boundaries don't matter if were fighting, yet I have to obey them.
I've done my share... I pretty much denounced my wife to my family, they see what's going on, and really want me to leave her. Its a constant yoyo, and I find myself venting to the point my immediate family wants to guild me for staying, like I'm pathetic or weak for staying. I feel weak for not being able to make it work. I also took up smoking at work, part of me wanted to because I knew she hated it, and I felt like I was in control. I didn't care how she felt about it, I enjoyed it, and its my break time. She found out, I coped out by saying she stresses me out, and for a few minutes during the workday, I feel satisfied. That backfired, cause to her that meant I was capable of having am affair... accusations followed, and it was hashed out on fb, but I wasn't invited to participate or defend myself, and wasn't aware.
That's when I told her I wanted transparency, I want shared passwords, or we share an account. I always left my phone where she could see it, I gave her unrestricted access to every part of my life, that was an expectation we discussed in the engagement, but she said she needed her privacy, so I gave up, but continued to offer her the validation of my trustworthyness.
She sleeps with her phone under her pillow, she logs of fb to get a glass of water, she seems like she has something to hide, and the few chances I get, when she let's her guard down, it brings on the next fight, because I find her betraying our boundaries.
I just wish she would apologise, a real apology, with no "if" "and" or "buts." Instead I end up defending my right to feel betrayed.
She hates my son, he started wetting his pants when we moved in together. Because of that he is treated like our dogs, she doesn't allow him to sit anywhere but the floor. When he has accidents, she expects me to punish him, I don't parent like that, I speak to his heart, I do show I'm disappointed, but I try to build up his confidence, rather than demoralise him. I get blamed for not punishing him enough, and that's why he doesn't get it. He doesn't have the issue here at my moms, or at his mothers, were sure it has much to do with him and her.
Since we got married she has been telling me what days I can have him, I'm only allowed on the days she has her kids. My ex is awesome for trying to accommodate her, but a month ago it was my Friday to have my son, and he had off school. So I took a day off work, I could have had my ex take off work, but my wife pushed her into this agreement, so its my responsibility to be their for him, even if I have to burn up a day of vac. My wife flipped out, she told her friend I would never take a day off for her, but I would for my son... funny thing is, I've taken days off work to watch her son on she wanted to bartend. I've taken vac to goto ball games with her like once a month.
After hearing her expect me to choose between her and my son, I decided now is the time to tell her I want a divorce.
I told my father, she asked who I spoke to, and I was honest. But she said she didn't believe me, and expected me to have posted on fb. I laughed and said, "that's you thing." She denied it, saying, "I only did that twice, its in the past, why can't you get over it?"
Later the next day, she left fb open on the computer, I read a conversation she was having with her highschool boyfriend.
Her telling him the most personal secrets of my past. Telling him I am undiagnosed bipolar, and refuse to seek treatment, that I was suicidal from my break up with my sons mother. Not that that even effects me now.
I've never thought of killing myself, I woke the f up, and realized then, my life was the sum of my choices. I can't blame anybody but myself, and if my life was hell, if I choose to end it, why would I expect to be in a better place. I didn't attempt suicide, I choose to give my life to Christ, she took my testimony, and butchered it, to show my weakness, she exploited the weakest part of my existence, when actually at the time, it was when I found my STRENGTH.
When she told me she was still living with her ex. I backed off, only made phone contact when she initiated, I told her I needed a fresh start, so this wouldn't work for me.
A month later she moved out. I was blown away, and we started dating.
I spent most of my adult life single, one a year I would start dating, it usually only lasted 3 months, and if at that point, I didn't feel the person was marriage material, I ended it. I was a serial dater, looking for a spouse, and didn't want to waste anybody's time. Usually things would start to become sexual, I had to press myself to make a decision if this is the person I will make my wife, if not, I need to save the passion for the one that is. I was very open and honest, I think a lot of girls felt shamed by my conscience, but wasn't comfortable screwing around with women I wasn't ready to marry.
We became sexual, and I pressed the question of marriage 3 months in. She wanted marriage like something fierce, I loved the idea of settling down, and I felt like this could be genuine. We got engaged and set the date for 3 months.
During our 3 month engagement I still lived in my apt, her in her rental, we shared bills, and talked about expectations and boundaries. Its at this point red flags were everywhere, most of the boundaries I believed were common knowledge, I had to fight for. Like talking about relationships with opposite sex friends, meeting other guys alone for dates. I had to fight for them, and was told I was too controlling. Setting boundaries was like pulling teeth. I ended up having to give her the ultimatum, so she agreed to the boundaries, but I would always be reminded of how unfair it is to expect her to give up these single liberties, often she exaggeration my expectations to her friends and family, saying I don't allow her to talk to men, or made her give up guy friends... She still hangs out with guys, and talks to more guys than girls, and it hasent been an issue for the most part, and her friends know that doesn't bother me.
But once in awhile, I find out that she is violating those boundaries, even her own boundaries, like posting our fights on fb, that was one she set, and breaks every time. But she hides it from me, and when I confront her, she gets defensive, and diverts, or makes excuses why those boundaries don't matter if were fighting, yet I have to obey them.
I've done my share... I pretty much denounced my wife to my family, they see what's going on, and really want me to leave her. Its a constant yoyo, and I find myself venting to the point my immediate family wants to guild me for staying, like I'm pathetic or weak for staying. I feel weak for not being able to make it work. I also took up smoking at work, part of me wanted to because I knew she hated it, and I felt like I was in control. I didn't care how she felt about it, I enjoyed it, and its my break time. She found out, I coped out by saying she stresses me out, and for a few minutes during the workday, I feel satisfied. That backfired, cause to her that meant I was capable of having am affair... accusations followed, and it was hashed out on fb, but I wasn't invited to participate or defend myself, and wasn't aware.
That's when I told her I wanted transparency, I want shared passwords, or we share an account. I always left my phone where she could see it, I gave her unrestricted access to every part of my life, that was an expectation we discussed in the engagement, but she said she needed her privacy, so I gave up, but continued to offer her the validation of my trustworthyness.
She sleeps with her phone under her pillow, she logs of fb to get a glass of water, she seems like she has something to hide, and the few chances I get, when she let's her guard down, it brings on the next fight, because I find her betraying our boundaries.
I just wish she would apologise, a real apology, with no "if" "and" or "buts." Instead I end up defending my right to feel betrayed.
She hates my son, he started wetting his pants when we moved in together. Because of that he is treated like our dogs, she doesn't allow him to sit anywhere but the floor. When he has accidents, she expects me to punish him, I don't parent like that, I speak to his heart, I do show I'm disappointed, but I try to build up his confidence, rather than demoralise him. I get blamed for not punishing him enough, and that's why he doesn't get it. He doesn't have the issue here at my moms, or at his mothers, were sure it has much to do with him and her.
Since we got married she has been telling me what days I can have him, I'm only allowed on the days she has her kids. My ex is awesome for trying to accommodate her, but a month ago it was my Friday to have my son, and he had off school. So I took a day off work, I could have had my ex take off work, but my wife pushed her into this agreement, so its my responsibility to be their for him, even if I have to burn up a day of vac. My wife flipped out, she told her friend I would never take a day off for her, but I would for my son... funny thing is, I've taken days off work to watch her son on she wanted to bartend. I've taken vac to goto ball games with her like once a month.
After hearing her expect me to choose between her and my son, I decided now is the time to tell her I want a divorce.
I told my father, she asked who I spoke to, and I was honest. But she said she didn't believe me, and expected me to have posted on fb. I laughed and said, "that's you thing." She denied it, saying, "I only did that twice, its in the past, why can't you get over it?"
Later the next day, she left fb open on the computer, I read a conversation she was having with her highschool boyfriend.
Her telling him the most personal secrets of my past. Telling him I am undiagnosed bipolar, and refuse to seek treatment, that I was suicidal from my break up with my sons mother. Not that that even effects me now.
I've never thought of killing myself, I woke the f up, and realized then, my life was the sum of my choices. I can't blame anybody but myself, and if my life was hell, if I choose to end it, why would I expect to be in a better place. I didn't attempt suicide, I choose to give my life to Christ, she took my testimony, and butchered it, to show my weakness, she exploited the weakest part of my existence, when actually at the time, it was when I found my STRENGTH.
Put the internet to work for you.
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