Here is my previous thread but I'll try to summarize:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...t-do-next.html
Basically.....
- Sexless marriage for years
- I found out in September that she was cheating
- I was hurt and wanted a pursue divorce
- She said she was sorry and wanted to work on things so I moved back in
- Since then, she has shifted the blame to me and doesn't feel like she cheated.
- Life did not get better and she did not appear sorry for what she did since she's "human".
- I was originally going to leave but changed my mind since she's the one that cheated. I want her to leave.
- I've moved all my things in the guest room and I'm staying there until she leaves.
I will tell the truth that I do still love her. Going through all of this has often left me feeling lonely and depressed. We have 2 sons together and I also feel bad for them. I also realize that a big part of her behavior is because of me. See, throughout our marriage, I've always taken 100% responsibility for our problems. I was the one always saying sorry and trying to fix things. She's never had many responsibilities since I've taken care of 90% of the bills as well as anything she needs. I see now that she was using me as a meal ticket. I was there to take care of her and the kids while she goes out to do her dirt. Because of this environment that I've created, she has trouble with admitting that she is wrong about anything. Her pride is too great. The only way I see to fix this marriage is for me to get on my knees and beg her to give it another shot. I would have to admit to her that her cheating was my fault and that I will do anything to get her back.
I made the mistake in November of telling her that I'm sorry that I found out about her affair. I told her that because of the pain that I experience every day, I would rather not know what happened. I also asked her if we could just forget everything and just try to start new. She pretty told me that life sucks with me and that she wants to separate. I was furious but I also felt lower than dirt. That's how I got to where I am now. I got some good advice here and I have been doing some reading to better myself. I started working out and I've already lost over 15 pounds. I've started to pay better attention to my appearance and tried to keep myself busy so I won't think about things. Even then, it's been really hard. Some days, I would sit home and think about where she is and what she is doing. I would go online and check the phone records to see who she was calling and I would text her to check in. The depression started to come back. I'm actually happy that I sold my guns a few years back because I feel that if I didn't, I would not be here to type this today. Although my kids don't know what's going on, they are a big motivation for me to keep pushing on through this.
I have a old female friend on Facebook. We've been friends for a while and I've confided in her about what has been going on and she has been supportive. She is not pushing for me to get divorce and she often tells me that it would be good for my kids if I patched things up with my wife. However, she does agree that I should not beg her to fix things and that I should only try to work on the marriage if she takes responsibility for cheating and does at least half of the heavy lifting to regain my trust. Despite all of this, we both have acknowledged that we are attracted to each other. She is single and said that she would love for me to come visit her sometime next year. She's lives across the country so the communication has so far been only through skype and facebook. Also, I will admit that over the past 2 weeks, the conversations have been very inappropriate. There has been no sexting but I will admit that I've said some things that a married man shouldn't say. This rela tionship has been helping me feel better. I've been paying much less attention to my wife. I no longer check the phone logs to see where she is and she no longer has control over my emotions. I will also say that this relationship that we have has been getting more and more inappropriate each day that we talk. We sometimes send hundreds of messages to each other every day and talk for at least 2 hours too.
Her sister has been trying to help patch up our marriage but I told her that we are done. Although my wife hasn't moved out, I think she has another place already. My son has described going to a new apartment where she bought a bed and some new furniture. She has not told me when she is moving out but I think it is soon since she's already cleared out some clothes in the house. She's taken down our nice curtains and put up something crappy ones that we had in the garage. She has told me before that when she leaves, I will miss her so much that I will beg her to come back. That may have been true before but not so much now. I probably wouldn't call her at all after she leaves unless it has something to do with my kids. Back to the woman that I mentioned on facebook, my wife's sister found out about it. I let her use my computer and she read the messages. She told my wife about it and now my wife has been crying. I'm really confused now. This is a woman that has cheated on me, accused me of being gay, and has absolutely no respect for me. I won't post everything again but in my previous thread, I posted a lot of disrespectful things that I've put up with over the years. I thought she would be happy to be leaving so she wouldn't have to put up with such a jealous and controlling husband (in her words).
So is this relationship with this other woman appropriate or not? Her sister says that I should stop talking to her immediately since I'm still married and living in the same house. Of course, her sister wants me to patch things up with my wife so her opinion might be skewed. My wife has not talked to me directly about this but she has told her sister that this relationship with this other woman proves that I don't love her or my kids. I'll also add that I would be possibly willing to patch things up with my wife if she comes off her high horse and does the things that I mentioned earlier. I'll also add that the more and more I get closer to this other woman, the less of a chance my wife has with patching up things with me. I'm so confused on this so advice would be appreciated.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...t-do-next.html
Basically.....
- Sexless marriage for years
- I found out in September that she was cheating
- I was hurt and wanted a pursue divorce
- She said she was sorry and wanted to work on things so I moved back in
- Since then, she has shifted the blame to me and doesn't feel like she cheated.
- Life did not get better and she did not appear sorry for what she did since she's "human".
- I was originally going to leave but changed my mind since she's the one that cheated. I want her to leave.
- I've moved all my things in the guest room and I'm staying there until she leaves.
I will tell the truth that I do still love her. Going through all of this has often left me feeling lonely and depressed. We have 2 sons together and I also feel bad for them. I also realize that a big part of her behavior is because of me. See, throughout our marriage, I've always taken 100% responsibility for our problems. I was the one always saying sorry and trying to fix things. She's never had many responsibilities since I've taken care of 90% of the bills as well as anything she needs. I see now that she was using me as a meal ticket. I was there to take care of her and the kids while she goes out to do her dirt. Because of this environment that I've created, she has trouble with admitting that she is wrong about anything. Her pride is too great. The only way I see to fix this marriage is for me to get on my knees and beg her to give it another shot. I would have to admit to her that her cheating was my fault and that I will do anything to get her back.
I made the mistake in November of telling her that I'm sorry that I found out about her affair. I told her that because of the pain that I experience every day, I would rather not know what happened. I also asked her if we could just forget everything and just try to start new. She pretty told me that life sucks with me and that she wants to separate. I was furious but I also felt lower than dirt. That's how I got to where I am now. I got some good advice here and I have been doing some reading to better myself. I started working out and I've already lost over 15 pounds. I've started to pay better attention to my appearance and tried to keep myself busy so I won't think about things. Even then, it's been really hard. Some days, I would sit home and think about where she is and what she is doing. I would go online and check the phone records to see who she was calling and I would text her to check in. The depression started to come back. I'm actually happy that I sold my guns a few years back because I feel that if I didn't, I would not be here to type this today. Although my kids don't know what's going on, they are a big motivation for me to keep pushing on through this.
I have a old female friend on Facebook. We've been friends for a while and I've confided in her about what has been going on and she has been supportive. She is not pushing for me to get divorce and she often tells me that it would be good for my kids if I patched things up with my wife. However, she does agree that I should not beg her to fix things and that I should only try to work on the marriage if she takes responsibility for cheating and does at least half of the heavy lifting to regain my trust. Despite all of this, we both have acknowledged that we are attracted to each other. She is single and said that she would love for me to come visit her sometime next year. She's lives across the country so the communication has so far been only through skype and facebook. Also, I will admit that over the past 2 weeks, the conversations have been very inappropriate. There has been no sexting but I will admit that I've said some things that a married man shouldn't say. This rela tionship has been helping me feel better. I've been paying much less attention to my wife. I no longer check the phone logs to see where she is and she no longer has control over my emotions. I will also say that this relationship that we have has been getting more and more inappropriate each day that we talk. We sometimes send hundreds of messages to each other every day and talk for at least 2 hours too.
Her sister has been trying to help patch up our marriage but I told her that we are done. Although my wife hasn't moved out, I think she has another place already. My son has described going to a new apartment where she bought a bed and some new furniture. She has not told me when she is moving out but I think it is soon since she's already cleared out some clothes in the house. She's taken down our nice curtains and put up something crappy ones that we had in the garage. She has told me before that when she leaves, I will miss her so much that I will beg her to come back. That may have been true before but not so much now. I probably wouldn't call her at all after she leaves unless it has something to do with my kids. Back to the woman that I mentioned on facebook, my wife's sister found out about it. I let her use my computer and she read the messages. She told my wife about it and now my wife has been crying. I'm really confused now. This is a woman that has cheated on me, accused me of being gay, and has absolutely no respect for me. I won't post everything again but in my previous thread, I posted a lot of disrespectful things that I've put up with over the years. I thought she would be happy to be leaving so she wouldn't have to put up with such a jealous and controlling husband (in her words).
So is this relationship with this other woman appropriate or not? Her sister says that I should stop talking to her immediately since I'm still married and living in the same house. Of course, her sister wants me to patch things up with my wife so her opinion might be skewed. My wife has not talked to me directly about this but she has told her sister that this relationship with this other woman proves that I don't love her or my kids. I'll also add that I would be possibly willing to patch things up with my wife if she comes off her high horse and does the things that I mentioned earlier. I'll also add that the more and more I get closer to this other woman, the less of a chance my wife has with patching up things with me. I'm so confused on this so advice would be appreciated.
Put the internet to work for you.
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