I'd like to share my story. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me, and I hope I can return the favor when time heals my pain - but for now, the days are standing still - and I think something is wrong. I'm starting to feel like I will never "get over him". I think I'm being punished somehow and this is my fate for the rest of my life. I wish I could say, this just happened a month ago - but it's been much longer. It's been just shy of 5 months, and I'm still on this roller coaster of emotions. Why?! This can't be normal. I've taken all the right steps. I've been to therapy once a week, for the entire 5 months (this alone is becoming pricey!). I've been put on medication to help me overcome my situational depression/anxiety. I've read many books. I have supportive family and friends. I honestly think I'm incapable of moving on, and what kills me the most is - I allow him to place the blame on me. I don't let him know, I accept it - bu t, I find myself telling myself over and over - If I only..... this, If I only.... that. Was I that bad of a wife? Was it the fighting we did (that is what he blames it on)? Should've I lost weight? Should've I this, Should've I that? It's never ending.
Sometimes I think I'm moving on. I feel like I've been through all the stages - only to find myself back at the beginning again.
I wrote out my story, but I can't seem to make it short enough, it's just so long - and I don't want to over-do my welcome. lol. This is still long, but I don't know how else to shorten it.
My story, is the result of infidelity. All the signs were there (taking her out to lunch, exercising/weight lifting, cleaning his car extra well, new clothes/colognes, never leaving his phone out of sight, deleting texts (locking it with password), staying late for work), he even admitted it looked like an affair - and then he began admitting he was letting it look like that on purpose just to hurt me. The stress and jealousy that resulted from it, caused more fighting than ever before. Which, he now blames the divorce on - not the affair. The fighting. Yet, he clearly admits, he tried to hurt me on purpose. What was I supposed to do, sit back and let him emotionally abuse me and keep my mouth shut?
I finally asked him to seek counseling more than once, he told me no - every single time. I asked him to stop seeing her, he told me no - they were friends, and the woman he married (me) would never ask him to stop being friends with someone. Blamed me, for turning into a "B" because I was jealous. I finally told him, if I told you - Her or Me? What would you do? He told me, Her. Because, again - I was no longer the woman he married, the woman he married wouldn't tell him to kick a friend to the curb. I said, well the man I married wouldn't put another woman over his wife. I let it go... Probably for another 2 months, because I truly truly didn't want to lose him. I tried everything, in my power to make it work. However, he never tried. It got worse, he started buying her gifts and took her out to lunch every single day (debt was climbing!). My pain and hurt got worse... and it just caused me to fight, b/c I was in so much pain of losing my husband to someone and I had no control over it. I finally told him, "One more chance, her or me?" and he said Her - I want a Divorce. I said, OK When are you leaving? He said Now. I said, Bye. I took my son, and I left. When I got home, he was gone. Everything.
I regret that now. Because, I feel like - I should've kept trying, or maybe I should've just been OK with it. Because at least now, I wouldn't be hurting like I am now. At least I wouldn't be alone. At least I would have someone to lay next to in bed at night. At least my son would have his Dad here. The list goes on and on.
It was very nasty for awhile, after he moved out. I hated it, the nasty was bad, it was painful. Now, that has stopped. He has truly moved on with this other woman (it's either her, or another one - not sure exactly) - I know it was her for a long while, b/c he moved in with her for awhile - but I know he doesn't live there now. He ignores me now, and he refuses to be civil in any way - just complete ignore. I guess that is what I'm struggling over - b/c at least the negative attention, was attention. Now there is none. It doesn't make sense, but it's the only thing I can think of??
God.. this doesn't make sense. I don't understand why he can't apologize, why he can't accept blame, why he never tried to reconcile with his wife of 14 years who he shared a child with. How can he give up this life, and everything we had/share - for a woman he only knew for 6 months? He not once, not even a little bit --- tried to make things work. It's like, he simply doesn't care - I'm dead to him. He even wrote that to me in an email not too long ago "You are nothing to me, you have no part in my life in any way shape or form".
Sometimes I think I'm moving on. I feel like I've been through all the stages - only to find myself back at the beginning again.
I wrote out my story, but I can't seem to make it short enough, it's just so long - and I don't want to over-do my welcome. lol. This is still long, but I don't know how else to shorten it.
My story, is the result of infidelity. All the signs were there (taking her out to lunch, exercising/weight lifting, cleaning his car extra well, new clothes/colognes, never leaving his phone out of sight, deleting texts (locking it with password), staying late for work), he even admitted it looked like an affair - and then he began admitting he was letting it look like that on purpose just to hurt me. The stress and jealousy that resulted from it, caused more fighting than ever before. Which, he now blames the divorce on - not the affair. The fighting. Yet, he clearly admits, he tried to hurt me on purpose. What was I supposed to do, sit back and let him emotionally abuse me and keep my mouth shut?
I finally asked him to seek counseling more than once, he told me no - every single time. I asked him to stop seeing her, he told me no - they were friends, and the woman he married (me) would never ask him to stop being friends with someone. Blamed me, for turning into a "B" because I was jealous. I finally told him, if I told you - Her or Me? What would you do? He told me, Her. Because, again - I was no longer the woman he married, the woman he married wouldn't tell him to kick a friend to the curb. I said, well the man I married wouldn't put another woman over his wife. I let it go... Probably for another 2 months, because I truly truly didn't want to lose him. I tried everything, in my power to make it work. However, he never tried. It got worse, he started buying her gifts and took her out to lunch every single day (debt was climbing!). My pain and hurt got worse... and it just caused me to fight, b/c I was in so much pain of losing my husband to someone and I had no control over it. I finally told him, "One more chance, her or me?" and he said Her - I want a Divorce. I said, OK When are you leaving? He said Now. I said, Bye. I took my son, and I left. When I got home, he was gone. Everything.
I regret that now. Because, I feel like - I should've kept trying, or maybe I should've just been OK with it. Because at least now, I wouldn't be hurting like I am now. At least I wouldn't be alone. At least I would have someone to lay next to in bed at night. At least my son would have his Dad here. The list goes on and on.
It was very nasty for awhile, after he moved out. I hated it, the nasty was bad, it was painful. Now, that has stopped. He has truly moved on with this other woman (it's either her, or another one - not sure exactly) - I know it was her for a long while, b/c he moved in with her for awhile - but I know he doesn't live there now. He ignores me now, and he refuses to be civil in any way - just complete ignore. I guess that is what I'm struggling over - b/c at least the negative attention, was attention. Now there is none. It doesn't make sense, but it's the only thing I can think of??
God.. this doesn't make sense. I don't understand why he can't apologize, why he can't accept blame, why he never tried to reconcile with his wife of 14 years who he shared a child with. How can he give up this life, and everything we had/share - for a woman he only knew for 6 months? He not once, not even a little bit --- tried to make things work. It's like, he simply doesn't care - I'm dead to him. He even wrote that to me in an email not too long ago "You are nothing to me, you have no part in my life in any way shape or form".
Put the internet to work for you.
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