Please read this all the way through as it's kind of complicated. Thank you so much for your help in advance!
So I have been best friends with this girl and she is 24, (I am a girl too and 23 years old) and we have been friends for the last 7 years. So basically all these years she has always discussed how pretty other people when we are just generally gossiping or seeing other people's pictures on facebook and she has never said that she thinks that I am pretty. The thing I am an okay pretty girl and I am fat, but not obese looking. So I understand that she may not find me very pretty but as a best friend, I feel one should find your friends pretty or at least tell them that you think so, so as to boost their confidence and support them, in my opinion thats what friends, especially best friends do. In the beginning of our friendship, I didnt think she was too pretty but I always told her so, cause she doesnt have a high self esteem so I felt it was my duty as her friend to boost her confidence and make her believe in herself but she has never done that for me ever. I had an low self esteem when I came friends with her but over the years because of many reasons it has become lower and lower and she hasnt done anything to help me. Also her constant talking about how pretty everybody is, including her other best friends (different uni) has contributed a lot to my self esteem becoming lower. Today I was telling her that how I am shocked that a guy would flirt with me at all especially considering all his other girl friends are really gorgeous and all she said was that, 'how maybe he doesnt like all those girls cause since they are gorgeous they might think too much of themselves' and nothing else and it hurt me SO much. And this has always been the case. I have spoken to her about it, but she always says stuff like thats cause everybody else dresses up so much and you dont and how she cant think of my best self, when she has seen me at my worst etc and it hurts SO much. I have seen her at her worst and she doesn't dress up all the time either but I always think of her best self and always compliment her and I feel like crap and she contributes SO much to it without actually even intentionally putting me down.
I have only one best friend, that is her and a couple of other friends, as I have always gotten back stabbed so I feel lost as to what to do. She has been with me through really difficult times, so I do appreciate her a lot and I am very thankful for her and I totally realise that nobody is perfect but this affects me a lot :(
I dont know what to do. Please help!
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