seeing my mum emotionally abused by dad.
Growing up I have seen my mother suffer at my father's cruel words and actions (withholding basic things like food, making her have dirty bath water, not letting her out to see friends and much more). I've seen her in too much pain for too many years and I'm away from home now but I just cry thinking about everything she puts up with for this family I wish I could save her. She is the most amazing person and I just want her to be happy. I started uni late because I have suffered from eating disorders for years and she took care of me like no one else could she's the only person who has ever loved me and without conditions.
I'm 24 and I have never had a boyfriend I am just too afraid of being emotionally/physically abused. 24 is the same age my mum gave birth me so it all seems to have hit me harder now. When I think of the amazing person she is I wish I was never born as it tied her to my dad.
I have only slept with one person when I was 20 I thought I could trust him as we were 'best' friends but he kicked me out of bed in the morning and told me to get dressed as he was disgusted with my body (I was 105lbs). He would tell me what to wear and that I needed to work out and he even took my food off me once when I was cooking for us... oddly enough my dad does the exact same thing to my mother I have no idea how I attracted such a similar person. Sadly my friend also turned violent once and grabbed me and threw me into the wall repeatedly in temper like I was a ragdoll. Even covered in bruises I went back to him for a short time. I'm just too scared to go near anyone since but at the same time I long for a loving relationship.
My biggest wish is to have children of my own. However I am also unattractive so I don't know if anyone will ever want me... I want to end my life because I don't know if I can go through it and never have my own loving family but I need to stay alive for my mum.
Any advice?
Put the internet to work for you.
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