Hi All,
For some reason I feel the need to follow-up on a thread I created a couple of years ago that got a lot of feedback. Maybe it'll help someone out there. Here is the old thread if you want to catch up: http://ift.tt/1z8DFCr.
I'm 27 now and not much has changed as far as our sex life. As far as the rest of our lives goes, we've both finished school. She has her BSN, and I have a Ph.D. in wildlife conservation. I never mentioned that we have a son. Actually, he is my stepson. His father died when he was one, and I met him when he was two. Thus, I'm dad. We also decided to adopt a 3-year-old girl that my wife met about a year ago (more on this later).
Back to the sex issues...She did finally go to the doctor about a year ago and found out she had PCOS. I was proud that she finally took the initiative to get help. She underwent a successful outpatient surgery to remove some abnormal cells, and took birth control pills for a while to regulate hormones. She stopped taking them not long ago because she didn't like the way they made her feel. I'm supportive, but the doctor never once told her that the issues were the one and only reason for her diminished sex drive.
Anyways, nothing has or ever did change. Sex has continued at about a once a month or less basis, and I honestly think she could go without; oh, giving or receiving oral is out of the question. I've actually secretly kept track of dates, and although we are above the clinical sexless marriage threshold, we are still well, well below the average for our age. We've had serious talks, confided in close friends, read books, done the love language thing, read blogs, everything! Nothing works. It just isn't a priority for her, and she'll admit to that. She likes having me around, but wants me in bed to watch Criminal Minds every night. I think stress and body image are the biggest factors, but she will always be stressing over something because that's the way she is, and I don't think she'll ever like her body no matter what size she is. I've never met a woman that does (I'm joking but kind of serious ladies lol). I've stopped bringing it up. You could say I've given up. A man with self-respect only takes so much rejection.
I still stay in great shape and pride myself on being the chivalrous/macho type man that seems exceedingly rare in today's society. I clean, cook, readily give massages, keep flowers for her in the house, always open her car door,etc, but not to the point of being a doormat. I do it because helping out is the right thing to do, and I learned to help out while growing up with a single mother. I converse with her daily in a meaningful way. I try to keep our lives adventurous with vacations, kayaks, mountain bikes, shopping, social events, whatever. Outside of sex our relationship is great, and she says I'm a perfect husband, but the lack of sex drives me insane and ruins my focus. In short, I've never stopped dating her and never plan on it.
On a side note, I agreed to adopting the little girl because it did seem like the right thing to do, and she is a sweetheart. But, now my wife has firmly decided that two kids are enough despite me always wanting one of my own. Even her friends think she should be more open about the issue, but she is more shut down on this topic than on sex. Not sure why I put that out there. I guess because she slightly acts scared to death of getting pregnant and that affects sex. I'll keep additional details for a different post.
I'll wrap this up by saying I just don't know. I'm not looking for more advice. I'm convinced that no amount of effort by one person will change the mindset of the other. I just want those of you in this situation to realize that your situation most likely won't change. I'll make it even simpler for you-leave or learn to live life without sex because begging is a turnoff for both parties. I won't leave. I really do love her for better or worse. I also love my stepson son and new daughter and would never walk out on them for anything.
*I emphasize 'my situation'. If you are a lazy or mean jack#!* or b&t*h that really only cares about sex and nothing else then you deserve what you get. Be a confident man or lady, get yourself to the gym, put on some practice good hygiene, and help out. Do this for yourself and because it is the right thing but don't do it for sex.
I know this was blunt and depressing, but thank you for humoring me tonight. I wish the best for those of you in this situation and thank those of you who took the time to offer advice.
Best,
Jared
For some reason I feel the need to follow-up on a thread I created a couple of years ago that got a lot of feedback. Maybe it'll help someone out there. Here is the old thread if you want to catch up: http://ift.tt/1z8DFCr.
I'm 27 now and not much has changed as far as our sex life. As far as the rest of our lives goes, we've both finished school. She has her BSN, and I have a Ph.D. in wildlife conservation. I never mentioned that we have a son. Actually, he is my stepson. His father died when he was one, and I met him when he was two. Thus, I'm dad. We also decided to adopt a 3-year-old girl that my wife met about a year ago (more on this later).
Back to the sex issues...She did finally go to the doctor about a year ago and found out she had PCOS. I was proud that she finally took the initiative to get help. She underwent a successful outpatient surgery to remove some abnormal cells, and took birth control pills for a while to regulate hormones. She stopped taking them not long ago because she didn't like the way they made her feel. I'm supportive, but the doctor never once told her that the issues were the one and only reason for her diminished sex drive.
Anyways, nothing has or ever did change. Sex has continued at about a once a month or less basis, and I honestly think she could go without; oh, giving or receiving oral is out of the question. I've actually secretly kept track of dates, and although we are above the clinical sexless marriage threshold, we are still well, well below the average for our age. We've had serious talks, confided in close friends, read books, done the love language thing, read blogs, everything! Nothing works. It just isn't a priority for her, and she'll admit to that. She likes having me around, but wants me in bed to watch Criminal Minds every night. I think stress and body image are the biggest factors, but she will always be stressing over something because that's the way she is, and I don't think she'll ever like her body no matter what size she is. I've never met a woman that does (I'm joking but kind of serious ladies lol). I've stopped bringing it up. You could say I've given up. A man with self-respect only takes so much rejection.
I still stay in great shape and pride myself on being the chivalrous/macho type man that seems exceedingly rare in today's society. I clean, cook, readily give massages, keep flowers for her in the house, always open her car door,etc, but not to the point of being a doormat. I do it because helping out is the right thing to do, and I learned to help out while growing up with a single mother. I converse with her daily in a meaningful way. I try to keep our lives adventurous with vacations, kayaks, mountain bikes, shopping, social events, whatever. Outside of sex our relationship is great, and she says I'm a perfect husband, but the lack of sex drives me insane and ruins my focus. In short, I've never stopped dating her and never plan on it.
On a side note, I agreed to adopting the little girl because it did seem like the right thing to do, and she is a sweetheart. But, now my wife has firmly decided that two kids are enough despite me always wanting one of my own. Even her friends think she should be more open about the issue, but she is more shut down on this topic than on sex. Not sure why I put that out there. I guess because she slightly acts scared to death of getting pregnant and that affects sex. I'll keep additional details for a different post.
I'll wrap this up by saying I just don't know. I'm not looking for more advice. I'm convinced that no amount of effort by one person will change the mindset of the other. I just want those of you in this situation to realize that your situation most likely won't change. I'll make it even simpler for you-leave or learn to live life without sex because begging is a turnoff for both parties. I won't leave. I really do love her for better or worse. I also love my stepson son and new daughter and would never walk out on them for anything.
*I emphasize 'my situation'. If you are a lazy or mean jack#!* or b&t*h that really only cares about sex and nothing else then you deserve what you get. Be a confident man or lady, get yourself to the gym, put on some practice good hygiene, and help out. Do this for yourself and because it is the right thing but don't do it for sex.
I know this was blunt and depressing, but thank you for humoring me tonight. I wish the best for those of you in this situation and thank those of you who took the time to offer advice.
Best,
Jared
Put the internet to work for you.
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