My husband and i have been married for almost 5 years. I am 28 and my husband is 27. Last year in October, my husband and I got in a huge fight. I asked him to bath our son (he was 1 year at the time) while I went and got food so when I got back we could put the baby to bed and eat, talk and spend time together. He said, "No I bathed him twice already this week". I immediately got upset. I went back in the room to calm down and two hours later I came out to talk to him about the situation. It ended up with us yelling and arguing. So I packed a bag and left with my baby to stay at a hotel until things calmed down. Halfway down the road I decided leaving wasn't the right thing to do and came back. I told him I wanted a divorce if he couldn't change his ways (this isn't the first time he something like this has happened). Our son was born 2 months premature and was in the NICU for two weeks. My husband spent a couple of those nights out drinking and was too hung over or tired the next morning to come up to the hospital with me to see our son. That's just one example of many.
After the argument last October he left for a week staying with various friends and while he was gone I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want that to be his reason for coming back but I wanted to let him know before I told my boss (in the military you have to let your boss know because you have to be put on a profile and cant deploy) because we work together in the same building and he would find our eventually. Once he found out, he made a decision to stay (the exact thing I didn't want to happen) and try to work things out. We started seeing a marriage counselor to talk and see what counseling had to offer for the relationship. From then until a few weeks ago, things were great. We didn't argue, we learned that it's okay to walk away from the situation to calm down. Eventually the marriage counselor told us we have a great relationship and doesn't see any need to see us anymore.
Early September of this year, since it had been a year since the big argument, I asked him what I could do to be a better wife (I like to ask questions like that often just to make sure we continue to better ourselves for each other). He said I have been wanting to talk to you about that. He went on to say he hasn't felt the same way about me since I walked out on him and "threatened" to divorce him. Long story short he doesn't love me anymore. So he started going out to the bars and clubs every chance he got and coming home at 6-7 am (he says because he didn't want to be around me or deal with the situation at hand). I felt it was disrespectful to come in that late 3-4 times a week and told him he needed to leave if he wasn't going to respect me and our home. So we decided to do a trial separation and he left for two weeks. Last week he came and got in bed and whispered to me, "I'm not leaving". Two days later we talked about it and he said he still doesn't love me but wants to try to work things out and get those feelings back but the main reason he came back was because of the kids.
Last night he was drinking and his mom called. During the conversation he cursed at her (if he doesnt even respect his mom how can i expect him to respect me). Then he tells me im going to take him to the store to get him a black and mild and i said no because im not leaving the kids here alone. After he cursed at me for not taking him he left and went and got one. After he came back i told him we need to come to some compromise on his drinking problem (he used to be violent towards people but has calmed down since). Long story short he said we arent made for each other.
Presently we have two wonderful boys who are 4 months and 2 years. My husband and I are on great terms but me knowing he doesn't love me bothers me. According to him, ever since he came back after finding out about the pregnancy he has been working to get those feelings back, and that was a year ago. He told me I am THE perfect wife and that's why he is so confused. He also loves our teamwork with house hold chores and handling the kids and he loves our movies nights etc. He deploys in April and he is hoping during his deployment (6 months long) he will get back the feelings and love for me.
I wrote all this to ask if anyone has any insight or has ever been in a relationship like this. I don't know if I should stay with him or save myself more heartache and wasted time and just leave the marriage. I love him dearly but you can't make someone love you back. My main thing is the kids.
After the argument last October he left for a week staying with various friends and while he was gone I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want that to be his reason for coming back but I wanted to let him know before I told my boss (in the military you have to let your boss know because you have to be put on a profile and cant deploy) because we work together in the same building and he would find our eventually. Once he found out, he made a decision to stay (the exact thing I didn't want to happen) and try to work things out. We started seeing a marriage counselor to talk and see what counseling had to offer for the relationship. From then until a few weeks ago, things were great. We didn't argue, we learned that it's okay to walk away from the situation to calm down. Eventually the marriage counselor told us we have a great relationship and doesn't see any need to see us anymore.
Early September of this year, since it had been a year since the big argument, I asked him what I could do to be a better wife (I like to ask questions like that often just to make sure we continue to better ourselves for each other). He said I have been wanting to talk to you about that. He went on to say he hasn't felt the same way about me since I walked out on him and "threatened" to divorce him. Long story short he doesn't love me anymore. So he started going out to the bars and clubs every chance he got and coming home at 6-7 am (he says because he didn't want to be around me or deal with the situation at hand). I felt it was disrespectful to come in that late 3-4 times a week and told him he needed to leave if he wasn't going to respect me and our home. So we decided to do a trial separation and he left for two weeks. Last week he came and got in bed and whispered to me, "I'm not leaving". Two days later we talked about it and he said he still doesn't love me but wants to try to work things out and get those feelings back but the main reason he came back was because of the kids.
Last night he was drinking and his mom called. During the conversation he cursed at her (if he doesnt even respect his mom how can i expect him to respect me). Then he tells me im going to take him to the store to get him a black and mild and i said no because im not leaving the kids here alone. After he cursed at me for not taking him he left and went and got one. After he came back i told him we need to come to some compromise on his drinking problem (he used to be violent towards people but has calmed down since). Long story short he said we arent made for each other.
Presently we have two wonderful boys who are 4 months and 2 years. My husband and I are on great terms but me knowing he doesn't love me bothers me. According to him, ever since he came back after finding out about the pregnancy he has been working to get those feelings back, and that was a year ago. He told me I am THE perfect wife and that's why he is so confused. He also loves our teamwork with house hold chores and handling the kids and he loves our movies nights etc. He deploys in April and he is hoping during his deployment (6 months long) he will get back the feelings and love for me.
I wrote all this to ask if anyone has any insight or has ever been in a relationship like this. I don't know if I should stay with him or save myself more heartache and wasted time and just leave the marriage. I love him dearly but you can't make someone love you back. My main thing is the kids.
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