Backstory, the ex was seeing an old friend without my knowledge. Up until the day she mustered the "courage" to state that she no longer loved me, and wanted a divorce, there was no indication of anything wrong, that was detrimental to the existence of the marriage. No spoken warnings, yet red flags were there, but nothing I would have thought was involvement with another man. There was no abuse, aside from a strong lack of communication despite repeated attempts at trying to discuss the deeper aspects of "us". Kind of like talking to someone that doesn't think along those lines, so often times, the discussion went no where.
3 years later, they are married, he is living in our old marital home, and enough time has passed for the newness of the situation to wear off, for me and for our kid who seems to be okay with the weekly back and forth.
I was the youngest of 4 kids in my own family, and grew to really appreciate the "family" concept, the thick and thin, "these" are the people that have your back mentality. Birthday dinners with everyone there. "The Grapes of Wrath", kind of respect and love for one another without bullsht.
That was what I wanted in my life, and thought that I had or was building up to the point that the ex pulled the rug out from under it all.
Now, having been a single dad for 3 years, there are still points that I feel so unfairly fked-over by life, that bring new and unexpected definitions to the term. The one child that I was able to have with that woman, goes back and forth between my house, and her mom+new husband. This past weekend, I was supposed to pick my daughter up from there to begin her week with me, and she calls me to ask if she can stay over there because they are carving pumpkins.
---yeah... that "cohesive family" fun activity that I figured would not be missing in my life. How can one even discuss the qualities of a cohesive family, and how special that is nowadays, when its been taken away from me? "Yeah, FAMILY is so important,, never mind you or my current situation..."
The ex already had someone in her life to skip right to, as soon as she could get me out of the way. So there was no waiting period, or "just her" period of time like these last 3 years have been for me. Often times, I have no idea what I represent anymore, other than the face to the paternal aspect of my child's life.
The thing I honored and valued so highly is now seemingly represented by that farce that exists over there at the marital home. I feel further and further away from any semblance of what I wanted to be and represent for my daughter, and the replacement family is shuffled into place over there, and they do all the things together, that I so deeply wanted as a part of my life.
The women that have shown an interest in me have so far been one who has lived so hard in her past that "now" she wants to settle down, but honestly the damage is apparent mentally and physically. Not interested.
Another one sent me pics of herself in the shower, and asked me out, then upon visiting her FB page, I see she is involved with someone else.
Not interested in it, just because she waves it out there, and what am I? Some kind of scum-bag that would mess around with someone involved already?
A third girl, appears to only want a "friendship", and is currently spending as much time at the bar, as she can outside of taking care of her 2 year old... pics of her and other men flood her FB page.. yay! no thanks.
SO... I guess what I am trying to say, is that today I am highly resenting in an all new way, the position I as a Dad was placed in. Trying to find someone special that is not merely a "fill in the blank" for my white picket fence dream for my life. I want someone special to me, not just a fill-in-the-blank body in place..
Meanwhile, and what grips me the most with despair, is that everything I always wanted in my life in regards to marriage, and a family, "exists" over at that other house, no matter how it came about, all grievances dull after time, and the blanket of "what is" covers up all the deception and disgusting flaws of humanity that brought about its existence.
Now, I merely am that male figure that is obviously replaceable in a heartbeat... hoping that he has some special standing with his kid, even though the strength and security of a complete family is not here. Sometimes, when the kid calls and wants to stay over there for longer, because they are doing some "Family" type of activity together, digs at my wounds, and I find a renewed sense of resentment and hatred towards my ex; which is always countered with the knowledge that still being married to her would be miserable; but living like the odd man out, is miserable too. Hoping to find someone for the right reasons, and not fk around with the garbage that's been the case so far, just really makes a person feel like their "place" is being erased.
To think, that the ex likely has no idea of what kind of position she has put me in... that lack of depth... how did I ever marry someone so lacking in basic human quality?
3 years later and I am still paying for it. In new and revised ways..
So, that brings me to the point of my situation, where nothing is happening. It is very depressing to come here and read story after story where divorced people have found someone special and so much better than their ex. It just hasn't happened for me yet, and I cant get involved simply to "put a picture together" of what I think I want, and keep up with the ex in terms of a new life with a new family. I don't think I would have wanted to jump into something so fast...
3 years later, they are married, he is living in our old marital home, and enough time has passed for the newness of the situation to wear off, for me and for our kid who seems to be okay with the weekly back and forth.
I was the youngest of 4 kids in my own family, and grew to really appreciate the "family" concept, the thick and thin, "these" are the people that have your back mentality. Birthday dinners with everyone there. "The Grapes of Wrath", kind of respect and love for one another without bullsht.
That was what I wanted in my life, and thought that I had or was building up to the point that the ex pulled the rug out from under it all.
Now, having been a single dad for 3 years, there are still points that I feel so unfairly fked-over by life, that bring new and unexpected definitions to the term. The one child that I was able to have with that woman, goes back and forth between my house, and her mom+new husband. This past weekend, I was supposed to pick my daughter up from there to begin her week with me, and she calls me to ask if she can stay over there because they are carving pumpkins.
---yeah... that "cohesive family" fun activity that I figured would not be missing in my life. How can one even discuss the qualities of a cohesive family, and how special that is nowadays, when its been taken away from me? "Yeah, FAMILY is so important,, never mind you or my current situation..."
The ex already had someone in her life to skip right to, as soon as she could get me out of the way. So there was no waiting period, or "just her" period of time like these last 3 years have been for me. Often times, I have no idea what I represent anymore, other than the face to the paternal aspect of my child's life.
The thing I honored and valued so highly is now seemingly represented by that farce that exists over there at the marital home. I feel further and further away from any semblance of what I wanted to be and represent for my daughter, and the replacement family is shuffled into place over there, and they do all the things together, that I so deeply wanted as a part of my life.
The women that have shown an interest in me have so far been one who has lived so hard in her past that "now" she wants to settle down, but honestly the damage is apparent mentally and physically. Not interested.
Another one sent me pics of herself in the shower, and asked me out, then upon visiting her FB page, I see she is involved with someone else.
Not interested in it, just because she waves it out there, and what am I? Some kind of scum-bag that would mess around with someone involved already?
A third girl, appears to only want a "friendship", and is currently spending as much time at the bar, as she can outside of taking care of her 2 year old... pics of her and other men flood her FB page.. yay! no thanks.
SO... I guess what I am trying to say, is that today I am highly resenting in an all new way, the position I as a Dad was placed in. Trying to find someone special that is not merely a "fill in the blank" for my white picket fence dream for my life. I want someone special to me, not just a fill-in-the-blank body in place..
Meanwhile, and what grips me the most with despair, is that everything I always wanted in my life in regards to marriage, and a family, "exists" over at that other house, no matter how it came about, all grievances dull after time, and the blanket of "what is" covers up all the deception and disgusting flaws of humanity that brought about its existence.
Now, I merely am that male figure that is obviously replaceable in a heartbeat... hoping that he has some special standing with his kid, even though the strength and security of a complete family is not here. Sometimes, when the kid calls and wants to stay over there for longer, because they are doing some "Family" type of activity together, digs at my wounds, and I find a renewed sense of resentment and hatred towards my ex; which is always countered with the knowledge that still being married to her would be miserable; but living like the odd man out, is miserable too. Hoping to find someone for the right reasons, and not fk around with the garbage that's been the case so far, just really makes a person feel like their "place" is being erased.
To think, that the ex likely has no idea of what kind of position she has put me in... that lack of depth... how did I ever marry someone so lacking in basic human quality?
3 years later and I am still paying for it. In new and revised ways..
So, that brings me to the point of my situation, where nothing is happening. It is very depressing to come here and read story after story where divorced people have found someone special and so much better than their ex. It just hasn't happened for me yet, and I cant get involved simply to "put a picture together" of what I think I want, and keep up with the ex in terms of a new life with a new family. I don't think I would have wanted to jump into something so fast...
Put the internet to work for you.
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