Basically I was with my first love for close to 3 years,then when we started university (at the same one, I may add) he sat me down andtold me he needed space from me. He reassured me that he still loved me, and hewasn't doing this because he wanted to get with anyone else, or because hewanted the single life at uni, just that he was 'very confused and emotionaland wasn't sure what he wanted'. To be honest, throughout this he cried morethan me. It was completely out of the blue, so reluctantly I agreed to go on abreak.
Throughout the break, he still pretty much acted like myboyfriend. Still texted, still rang, still said he loved me, still asked to seeme, but then for a few days he didn't speak while he had gone home for theweekend. Obviously this toyed with my emotions a lot so on the Monday I brokeup with him properly face to face, because I didn't think it was fair he should'get the best of both worlds'. It wasn't easy; he acted like the victim and mademe feel guilty in many ways, and it hurt even more because I didn't actuallywant to breakup with him. I just didn't want to be strung along and get hurteven more. But I agreed to still let him text me and stuff.
For a while he kept texting me, tried to worm his way intoseeing me, and I had a few weak moments and let him come over. We kissed andcuddled but nothing more, and he initiated all of it. We have met up a fewtimes as well and he has initiated kissing, and I let him, it wasn't forcefulor anything. Eventually the texting got less and less and some days we wouldn'ttalk at all, but the other day he tried to invite himself over again, and hemade me feel guilty again when I declined.
All this has hurt me so much, because I'm still in love withthe guy. I feel like I have loved him my entire life. Everyone says you go touni and you'll meet someone else, but there is no one else but him, or so itfeels. I am sick of crying in my lectures, or agonising over his every move,and it's worse because we actually share some lectures together. I really donot feel like the same person since it ended.
Anyway, today I told him that I didn't think we should talkfor a while, as in texting, and that I didn't feel like we could be 'friends'right now. He got very mad and defensive, and started making me feel guiltyagain saying things life 'why don't you just delete my number and delete me outyour life' and 'I'll never talk to you again if that's what you want' andallsorts of things. He likes to make out that I'm the one who left him, whichisn't true as he initiated the break.
Did I do the right thing by cutting contact or am I a badperson?
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