I'd be grateful for thoughts about my situation. I Don't really have anyone else to ask for advice.
My wife and I have been together for 10 years. We married 8 years ago and 6 years ago had a daughter (my wife had a 10 year old daughter by a previous marriage when we met). Initially our sex life was very good, but, like most couples I guess, suffered when we had our daughter and she often complained after that that it was sometimes painful to have sex.
We both lead busy lives, but at special times when we were able to be alone together had great sex and good times. Otherwise our sex life seemed okay, but had lost some of its sparkle.
In April of last year I was made redundant from my job (although I had an interim position until November of last year – since which time I have been unemployed). Expecting to find work quickly I used my severance pay (I was very well paid) to buy a business in my wife's chosen profession which she now runs, but of course apart from her income, we are now broke!
However the relationship with my wife deteriorated towards the end of last year with rows and times when we were both very stressed and we had severe money problems. She told me that her sex life with me was very bad and painful. I told her I was happy to work on it – but at the time said it was very difficult because of the stress.
In February of this year, things got worse. She started complaining about everything I did. I could do nothing right. In March she started buying things for an apartment we have over the business (it is supposed to be rented out but our tenant had left). She had used it since the previous October to sleep in on days she finished work late (the business is 50 miles from home and sometimes a difficult commute); but it seemed to be strange spending money we hadn't got, to make this place homely.
At the beginning of April, she had told me I ought to go to the Doctor and check that I was okay since she said that the pain she was experiencing during sex might be my fault, and she didn't want to have any painful sex any more. I did and he said he could find nothing wrong with me. I had expected her to be pleased at this news but she seemed even more irritable. It was at this point that something didn't seem right and I had a look at her phone and found texts indicating she was having an affair with another man.
They seem to have been having sex at least since February, and phone conversations that went back into last year. When I confronted her with this (on the 17th April) she said that they'd being chatting over the internet since 2006. They'd had a friendship, but then last November decided to take it further. They met in hotels and at the apartment. I'm still not sure she has told me everything. She said it was my fault and I'd forced her to do this because she was so frustrated. She said she needed an active sex life and couldn't live without good sex.
She said it was over with him – that he'd ended it. But I wasn't so sure. But I didn't find any evidence of her contacting him from mid-April until last week. She said he'd brainwashed her. Told her originally it would only be a bit of fun. Then kept saying to her she couldn't have him and me and he'd end it. Only to contact her again a few weeks later. This had been a pattern she said and now she found it difficult to get him out of her head. But she said it was over. We agreed we should work on the relationship and I've been trying to pay lots of attention to her and to have sex more often and to try and enable her to get to good orgasms since she keeps telling me I'm not good at sex (although it's never been a problem in any other relationship – but it hurts that in her texts she'd kept telling him he was so good)
Then last Friday and Saturday I discovered she'd sent over 130 texts to him on these two days – these continued over the weekend. At one point on Saturday night she said ' I'm scared he will be in contact again (she didn't know I knew about the latest texts which were from a new number), I don't know if I can cope, I need your support'. I said I would do whatever she wanted and I loved her very very much.
Then last night she said to me it was all over with him ' he said doesn't want to share me, he feels sorry for you (she said) and so he's not going to be in contact ever again'.
My head has been in turmoil in all this. I love my wife very much and want things to be right. But I don't know if forgiving her and trying to give her everything she needs is going to work.
Please let me have your views an opinions.
My wife and I have been together for 10 years. We married 8 years ago and 6 years ago had a daughter (my wife had a 10 year old daughter by a previous marriage when we met). Initially our sex life was very good, but, like most couples I guess, suffered when we had our daughter and she often complained after that that it was sometimes painful to have sex.
We both lead busy lives, but at special times when we were able to be alone together had great sex and good times. Otherwise our sex life seemed okay, but had lost some of its sparkle.
In April of last year I was made redundant from my job (although I had an interim position until November of last year – since which time I have been unemployed). Expecting to find work quickly I used my severance pay (I was very well paid) to buy a business in my wife's chosen profession which she now runs, but of course apart from her income, we are now broke!
However the relationship with my wife deteriorated towards the end of last year with rows and times when we were both very stressed and we had severe money problems. She told me that her sex life with me was very bad and painful. I told her I was happy to work on it – but at the time said it was very difficult because of the stress.
In February of this year, things got worse. She started complaining about everything I did. I could do nothing right. In March she started buying things for an apartment we have over the business (it is supposed to be rented out but our tenant had left). She had used it since the previous October to sleep in on days she finished work late (the business is 50 miles from home and sometimes a difficult commute); but it seemed to be strange spending money we hadn't got, to make this place homely.
At the beginning of April, she had told me I ought to go to the Doctor and check that I was okay since she said that the pain she was experiencing during sex might be my fault, and she didn't want to have any painful sex any more. I did and he said he could find nothing wrong with me. I had expected her to be pleased at this news but she seemed even more irritable. It was at this point that something didn't seem right and I had a look at her phone and found texts indicating she was having an affair with another man.
They seem to have been having sex at least since February, and phone conversations that went back into last year. When I confronted her with this (on the 17th April) she said that they'd being chatting over the internet since 2006. They'd had a friendship, but then last November decided to take it further. They met in hotels and at the apartment. I'm still not sure she has told me everything. She said it was my fault and I'd forced her to do this because she was so frustrated. She said she needed an active sex life and couldn't live without good sex.
She said it was over with him – that he'd ended it. But I wasn't so sure. But I didn't find any evidence of her contacting him from mid-April until last week. She said he'd brainwashed her. Told her originally it would only be a bit of fun. Then kept saying to her she couldn't have him and me and he'd end it. Only to contact her again a few weeks later. This had been a pattern she said and now she found it difficult to get him out of her head. But she said it was over. We agreed we should work on the relationship and I've been trying to pay lots of attention to her and to have sex more often and to try and enable her to get to good orgasms since she keeps telling me I'm not good at sex (although it's never been a problem in any other relationship – but it hurts that in her texts she'd kept telling him he was so good)
Then last Friday and Saturday I discovered she'd sent over 130 texts to him on these two days – these continued over the weekend. At one point on Saturday night she said ' I'm scared he will be in contact again (she didn't know I knew about the latest texts which were from a new number), I don't know if I can cope, I need your support'. I said I would do whatever she wanted and I loved her very very much.
Then last night she said to me it was all over with him ' he said doesn't want to share me, he feels sorry for you (she said) and so he's not going to be in contact ever again'.
My head has been in turmoil in all this. I love my wife very much and want things to be right. But I don't know if forgiving her and trying to give her everything she needs is going to work.
Please let me have your views an opinions.
Put the internet to work for you.
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