Hello Everyone.
I really need some good advice.
My wife and I have been married almost 9 months. Life has been wonderful. Except for one thing.
We had a long distance relationship back before We married. We talked about everything. We both come from previous marriages so we wanted to cover all the bases. One thing we discussed was drinking alcohol. We both agreed that it was okay to drink casually. (Example: Having a glass of wine or so at dinner while we are out.)
I have previously drank when I was younger. Never was addicted to it, and had no problem not drinking at all. Never has been a desire.
After we got married, we ended up moving to another house, etc. Basically getting into our lives together. I had noticed some odd patterns about my wife. We would be home watching tv or just enjoying each others company and she would seem to get emotional easily (angry/crying). Then she would fall asleep way earlier than I would. I mean out like a light.
I was concerned and looked in her top drawer of her dresser and found a half empty 1Liter bottle of Seagrams 7 whiskey. I was floored. I woke her up and asked her about it. She was of course sleepy and drunk and shrugged it off. She apologized and said she just had a rough day and it wouldn't happen again.
To make a long story shorter. Since that day for about 4 months, I would find bottles here and there hidden from me. The same scenario would happen of her being emotional and falling asleep. I caught her in the act of taking a drink several times.
I spent many nights awake feeling helpless, heart-broken & alone.
I was afraid to tell my family bc I didn't want to bother them or let them know our marriage was already having problems. I had moved to my wife's city, so I had no friends.
Finally on New Year's Eve it really got out of hand. The night ended up with her passed out after insulting me several times, making lewd comments about guys on TV, etc.
The next day she apologized and said it would never happen again.
She claims she has never tried to hide the alcohol from me and that she was used to being alone and not accounting to anyone so she didn't think anything of it.
It didn't make any logical sense. I could write another paragraph about how many times she would wait til I was in the bathroom, or out of the room, and she would grab a quick drink. I've caught her doing it. I found bottles in her car, in the bathroom, closet, between the mattress, drawers, her purse, even at her job.
After our talks, things would seem better. We agreed no alcohol in the house. Then it was going to Happy hour and having several drinks there. Then the same personality would come out, irrational and insulting.
She still claims she has never hidden the fact that she had drank at home.
Shouldn't have something as big as that been mentioned back before We got married?
I feel violated about it. It makes me not trust her at times. If she will readily lie about that, what else will she lie about? I've forgiven her, but the hurt is still there because she never has owned up to the fact that she hid it from me.
It keeps being brought back up because she mentions she would like to get a glass of wine when we are out on a date. I let her because I LOVE her and like to make her happy.
We used to have these talks about going up into wine country and do wine-tasting, and do stuff thats romantic, like couples do.
Now the mention of alcohol just brings up these horrid feelings inside of me. I REALLY don't know what to do. She has came out and said she won't stop drinking the occasional glass of wine at dinner.
I NEED HELP.
I really need some good advice.
My wife and I have been married almost 9 months. Life has been wonderful. Except for one thing.
We had a long distance relationship back before We married. We talked about everything. We both come from previous marriages so we wanted to cover all the bases. One thing we discussed was drinking alcohol. We both agreed that it was okay to drink casually. (Example: Having a glass of wine or so at dinner while we are out.)
I have previously drank when I was younger. Never was addicted to it, and had no problem not drinking at all. Never has been a desire.
After we got married, we ended up moving to another house, etc. Basically getting into our lives together. I had noticed some odd patterns about my wife. We would be home watching tv or just enjoying each others company and she would seem to get emotional easily (angry/crying). Then she would fall asleep way earlier than I would. I mean out like a light.
I was concerned and looked in her top drawer of her dresser and found a half empty 1Liter bottle of Seagrams 7 whiskey. I was floored. I woke her up and asked her about it. She was of course sleepy and drunk and shrugged it off. She apologized and said she just had a rough day and it wouldn't happen again.
To make a long story shorter. Since that day for about 4 months, I would find bottles here and there hidden from me. The same scenario would happen of her being emotional and falling asleep. I caught her in the act of taking a drink several times.
I spent many nights awake feeling helpless, heart-broken & alone.
I was afraid to tell my family bc I didn't want to bother them or let them know our marriage was already having problems. I had moved to my wife's city, so I had no friends.
Finally on New Year's Eve it really got out of hand. The night ended up with her passed out after insulting me several times, making lewd comments about guys on TV, etc.
The next day she apologized and said it would never happen again.
She claims she has never tried to hide the alcohol from me and that she was used to being alone and not accounting to anyone so she didn't think anything of it.
It didn't make any logical sense. I could write another paragraph about how many times she would wait til I was in the bathroom, or out of the room, and she would grab a quick drink. I've caught her doing it. I found bottles in her car, in the bathroom, closet, between the mattress, drawers, her purse, even at her job.
After our talks, things would seem better. We agreed no alcohol in the house. Then it was going to Happy hour and having several drinks there. Then the same personality would come out, irrational and insulting.
She still claims she has never hidden the fact that she had drank at home.
Shouldn't have something as big as that been mentioned back before We got married?
I feel violated about it. It makes me not trust her at times. If she will readily lie about that, what else will she lie about? I've forgiven her, but the hurt is still there because she never has owned up to the fact that she hid it from me.
It keeps being brought back up because she mentions she would like to get a glass of wine when we are out on a date. I let her because I LOVE her and like to make her happy.
We used to have these talks about going up into wine country and do wine-tasting, and do stuff thats romantic, like couples do.
Now the mention of alcohol just brings up these horrid feelings inside of me. I REALLY don't know what to do. She has came out and said she won't stop drinking the occasional glass of wine at dinner.
I NEED HELP.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment