My husband lies. He always has. He's 14 years older than I am, but you wouldn't know it. He's in good shape physically, and he's never ill. He's never spent a single night in a hospital, and he's in his late 60's.
His lies have become so chronic I feel overwhelmed, sometimes crazy, and I am becoming unable to even do my job properly because I spend so much time lately trying to figure out if he's lying or telling the truth in EVERY situation.
I am ashamed to say that for awhile I became "that" wife. I'd check his cell phone calls online. I'd look through his briefcase. I even installed an app to see where he is by tracking his cell phone.
I eventually uninstalled the app because it upset me so much. He would call me & say he was at the bank when he was at the auto parts store. He'd call to say he was going to the Post Office, but then I could see he was really at a coffee shop across town! And that's the strange part: His lies are mostly about mundane things like that.
We own our own business & work together. For over a year now I've done most of my paperwork at home just to get relief from the constant immersion in feeling upset whenever he talks to me.
I am being treated for depression and anxiety. The anxiety is so overwhelming that some days I can't even force myself to get dressed. I am behind everywhere I look.
At my last medical visit, my husband went in with me. He listened to me tell the doctor I was anxious & I was finding it hard to function. I asked her if she thought it would help to increase my dose of Alprazolam or perhaps change me to something new. To my surprise, she asked my husband what he thought. He smiled, took my hand, & told the doctor that he thought I'd been doing so much better that HE believed I didn't need to change the meds!! I was shocked & he knew it, but he just sat there all smiles. The dr. said "let's wait & see". So no change in meds. When I questioned him about it outside, he claimed he thought that would be what I wanted him to say. !!! We'd discussed why I'd made the appointment in the first place - to change my meds!
I could go on with his lies & deceitful behaviors, but the theme would be the same. I have started telling him I want us to see a marriage counselor. Not only did he flat out refuse, he won't let me see one by myself. I got so desperate I actually started asking him questions when I catch him lying. I may catch him, but he's never really caught. He just gives me another lie, or he starts using sweeping, grandiose, ridiculous statements to change the subject. If I ask "Why did you tell me you had no cash, but when you went out to get some lunch you were able to pay for it?". Instead of saying he found some cash in his pocket, or whatever, he'll start cursing, & yelling things like "Fine! I'll never eat lunch again as long as I live!!".
I am on the verge of a breakdown. The constant anxiety of being married to a chronic liar is killing me. I can't sleep, can't eat ( I've lost 40#), can't work, I have chronic pain & catch every flu, virus, whatever & am constantly sick. I'm losing my hair & my memory. I can't take much more.
Can someone tell me if they've dealt with someone like him? How did you cope? Does anyone have any idea why he is like this? And, I'm afraid to ask, could it be my fault? We've been married 20 years. It didn't start really bothering me until about 5 years ago.
His lies have become so chronic I feel overwhelmed, sometimes crazy, and I am becoming unable to even do my job properly because I spend so much time lately trying to figure out if he's lying or telling the truth in EVERY situation.
I am ashamed to say that for awhile I became "that" wife. I'd check his cell phone calls online. I'd look through his briefcase. I even installed an app to see where he is by tracking his cell phone.
I eventually uninstalled the app because it upset me so much. He would call me & say he was at the bank when he was at the auto parts store. He'd call to say he was going to the Post Office, but then I could see he was really at a coffee shop across town! And that's the strange part: His lies are mostly about mundane things like that.
We own our own business & work together. For over a year now I've done most of my paperwork at home just to get relief from the constant immersion in feeling upset whenever he talks to me.
I am being treated for depression and anxiety. The anxiety is so overwhelming that some days I can't even force myself to get dressed. I am behind everywhere I look.
At my last medical visit, my husband went in with me. He listened to me tell the doctor I was anxious & I was finding it hard to function. I asked her if she thought it would help to increase my dose of Alprazolam or perhaps change me to something new. To my surprise, she asked my husband what he thought. He smiled, took my hand, & told the doctor that he thought I'd been doing so much better that HE believed I didn't need to change the meds!! I was shocked & he knew it, but he just sat there all smiles. The dr. said "let's wait & see". So no change in meds. When I questioned him about it outside, he claimed he thought that would be what I wanted him to say. !!! We'd discussed why I'd made the appointment in the first place - to change my meds!
I could go on with his lies & deceitful behaviors, but the theme would be the same. I have started telling him I want us to see a marriage counselor. Not only did he flat out refuse, he won't let me see one by myself. I got so desperate I actually started asking him questions when I catch him lying. I may catch him, but he's never really caught. He just gives me another lie, or he starts using sweeping, grandiose, ridiculous statements to change the subject. If I ask "Why did you tell me you had no cash, but when you went out to get some lunch you were able to pay for it?". Instead of saying he found some cash in his pocket, or whatever, he'll start cursing, & yelling things like "Fine! I'll never eat lunch again as long as I live!!".
I am on the verge of a breakdown. The constant anxiety of being married to a chronic liar is killing me. I can't sleep, can't eat ( I've lost 40#), can't work, I have chronic pain & catch every flu, virus, whatever & am constantly sick. I'm losing my hair & my memory. I can't take much more.
Can someone tell me if they've dealt with someone like him? How did you cope? Does anyone have any idea why he is like this? And, I'm afraid to ask, could it be my fault? We've been married 20 years. It didn't start really bothering me until about 5 years ago.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment