I'm sooo devastated, confused, hurt, angry...I could go on and on. I'be been married for 10yrs., we have 2 children. I've been a stay at home mom for 9yrs., haven't made a dime, so my husband is the bread winner. He's a CPA but not paid what most CPA's are paid.
In the beginning of our marriage I paid the bills and took care of the house. When I had my first child he started paying all the bills because I would forget to (busy being a first time mom). After a year or so I told him I could start paying the bills for him, he insisted he could do it, I need not worry about it. So for the past 8 years I have not looked at our bank statements, it's also been online, no more paper statements sent to the house. So I had no idea what was in the bank/savings...I just trusted that he would take care of that. I would ask every now and then, how are we doing on money, especially after our second child was born, she's now 4...he'd always say fine. Now both our kids go to private school, before enrolling them for the second year I asked are we able to afford this, I also said if we can't they can go to public school (we're not in the best school district but it's not the worst either), I even mentioned homeschooling, he said we'll be able to do it. I knew how much he made, I knew our expenses, so I had an idea of how much we possibly had left over every month, I knew it was tight, but I had no idea it was beyond tight, it was a negative.
I told him we need to save up to get new flooring, in the den and hallway, that I would be taking out $300 a month until we've saved enough. I honestly thought we had enough to cover me saving $300. Well we didn't, that's when he had to come somewhat clean and tell me It's going to be hard to make it every month taking that much out. So I said well let's just see what happens, if you need it I'll give it to you to deposit it.
The next week I told him I'm taking the girls to dinner after gymnastics, which we always do, he said go somewhere cheap, we only have $31 in the bank! I about lost it. We were never good at communicating with one another, especially him, everything was like 20 questions, pulling teeth. I thought, he's an accountant, we have 2 children, I'm sure he'll be wise with the money. The fact is, it's not that he was the one spending, he worked all day, came straight home, and spent the weekend always with us. And it's not that I spent all the money every month, every now and then I would buy a few extras, almost everything I would splurge on would always be on sale/clearance...we simply couldn't afford the lifestyle I thought we were living. He made me believe all these years that we were doing fine financially.
I went looking online at our statement, in order for him to make ends meet every week/month he would take so much out of or home equity loan! It's now down to $700. He has a few credit cards that I did not know about that are maxed out and extremely high. And whatever was left in our savings is gone.
I'm not a naive person, but I know it sure sounds like I am. I just really trusted him with our finances. His excuse is I never wanted to tell you no, I couldn't tell you no when you asked for something, the only big items I asked for is a trip to disney world with the kids, and every summer a small 3 day, driving distance vacation. He not only hurt me but also his children. They don't know it but they will in other ways.
I just need some advice
In the beginning of our marriage I paid the bills and took care of the house. When I had my first child he started paying all the bills because I would forget to (busy being a first time mom). After a year or so I told him I could start paying the bills for him, he insisted he could do it, I need not worry about it. So for the past 8 years I have not looked at our bank statements, it's also been online, no more paper statements sent to the house. So I had no idea what was in the bank/savings...I just trusted that he would take care of that. I would ask every now and then, how are we doing on money, especially after our second child was born, she's now 4...he'd always say fine. Now both our kids go to private school, before enrolling them for the second year I asked are we able to afford this, I also said if we can't they can go to public school (we're not in the best school district but it's not the worst either), I even mentioned homeschooling, he said we'll be able to do it. I knew how much he made, I knew our expenses, so I had an idea of how much we possibly had left over every month, I knew it was tight, but I had no idea it was beyond tight, it was a negative.
I told him we need to save up to get new flooring, in the den and hallway, that I would be taking out $300 a month until we've saved enough. I honestly thought we had enough to cover me saving $300. Well we didn't, that's when he had to come somewhat clean and tell me It's going to be hard to make it every month taking that much out. So I said well let's just see what happens, if you need it I'll give it to you to deposit it.
The next week I told him I'm taking the girls to dinner after gymnastics, which we always do, he said go somewhere cheap, we only have $31 in the bank! I about lost it. We were never good at communicating with one another, especially him, everything was like 20 questions, pulling teeth. I thought, he's an accountant, we have 2 children, I'm sure he'll be wise with the money. The fact is, it's not that he was the one spending, he worked all day, came straight home, and spent the weekend always with us. And it's not that I spent all the money every month, every now and then I would buy a few extras, almost everything I would splurge on would always be on sale/clearance...we simply couldn't afford the lifestyle I thought we were living. He made me believe all these years that we were doing fine financially.
I went looking online at our statement, in order for him to make ends meet every week/month he would take so much out of or home equity loan! It's now down to $700. He has a few credit cards that I did not know about that are maxed out and extremely high. And whatever was left in our savings is gone.
I'm not a naive person, but I know it sure sounds like I am. I just really trusted him with our finances. His excuse is I never wanted to tell you no, I couldn't tell you no when you asked for something, the only big items I asked for is a trip to disney world with the kids, and every summer a small 3 day, driving distance vacation. He not only hurt me but also his children. They don't know it but they will in other ways.
I just need some advice
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