Ill try not to keep this too long. I found out my husband had an affair with a woman who ran the gym in his office this winter for about 3 months. He broke it off in January before I found out or it got to serious. He confided in his closest friend about this, looking for some guidance and good advice. We can call these friends of ours Marge and Phil. I happen to be really close friends with Marge as well.
While the affair was happening Phil was quietly giving my husband advice and also confessed that he had an encounter in an alley behind a bar with a girl he had just picked up that night. He told my husband to avoid all contact with the other woman or he was just going to be tempted to do it again. So my husband ended the affair, and the OW quit her job.
Meanwhile I had confided in my friend that my husband seemed to be going through something, he was so distant and critical of me and everything I did and just seemed so unhappy and i didn't know what to do. She ended up telling me in March that she overheard phil talking about "the gym girl" with my husband and this caused a fight between phil and marge because she wanted phil to fess up to what was going on and phil wanted to protect his friend. Marge eventually told me at lunch one day and vowed to be supportive of any decision I made and if I needed anything to please reach out to her. That was about two months ago.
My husband and I have decided to work things out, we are going to therapy, a lot has really been improving, the OW is totally out of our lives (dont worry, I have been watching VERY closely to make sure) I just had lunch with marge again and she told me that phil does not want anything to do with my husband anymore and neither does she. She said that they dont want to be associated with someone that "is capable of something like this" and that they "have a different moral compass" than we do. She said that I am welcome at any events that they have but I am not allowed to bring my husband. The problem is that we have a ton of mutual friends and no one knows about this. She swears she wants to maintain her support for me, but i feel like I am being punished for wanting to stay and work on my marriage. Her excluding us from things is going to invite questions and more gossip which is exactly what I don't need right now. Should I confront her, or just let it go and move on? How do I keep this from ruining all of our other friendships?
While the affair was happening Phil was quietly giving my husband advice and also confessed that he had an encounter in an alley behind a bar with a girl he had just picked up that night. He told my husband to avoid all contact with the other woman or he was just going to be tempted to do it again. So my husband ended the affair, and the OW quit her job.
Meanwhile I had confided in my friend that my husband seemed to be going through something, he was so distant and critical of me and everything I did and just seemed so unhappy and i didn't know what to do. She ended up telling me in March that she overheard phil talking about "the gym girl" with my husband and this caused a fight between phil and marge because she wanted phil to fess up to what was going on and phil wanted to protect his friend. Marge eventually told me at lunch one day and vowed to be supportive of any decision I made and if I needed anything to please reach out to her. That was about two months ago.
My husband and I have decided to work things out, we are going to therapy, a lot has really been improving, the OW is totally out of our lives (dont worry, I have been watching VERY closely to make sure) I just had lunch with marge again and she told me that phil does not want anything to do with my husband anymore and neither does she. She said that they dont want to be associated with someone that "is capable of something like this" and that they "have a different moral compass" than we do. She said that I am welcome at any events that they have but I am not allowed to bring my husband. The problem is that we have a ton of mutual friends and no one knows about this. She swears she wants to maintain her support for me, but i feel like I am being punished for wanting to stay and work on my marriage. Her excluding us from things is going to invite questions and more gossip which is exactly what I don't need right now. Should I confront her, or just let it go and move on? How do I keep this from ruining all of our other friendships?
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