Hello, I'm new to this site but have done a little bit of reading.. This is going to be a long post so I apologize in advance but hope you will take the time and hopefully I can get a little advice.
So, my husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for almost 6. We have a 2 year old son and another son on the way due in just a couple more months. Last month we were going through a lot of problems around us but not problems I realized with our relationship. We were in the process of losing our house, our bank accounts were levied and we were just all around having financial issues. We had a roommate/nanny living with us, a girl I became close with very fast and confided in her and trusted her. After I was pregnant for a few months I noticed my husband was spending more and more time with her and staying up late drinking with her when I would have to go to sleep or was working late. I started to get jealous but blamed it on the hormones because I thought they both wouldn't do that to me, especially while I'm pregnant. A month ago we had to move in with his mother and 2 days after we moved in I had a bit of an emotional breakdown after a doctors appointme nt to check on baby and I got news of gaining too much weight. I wasn't gaining a ton super fast but my doctor wanted to see me gain a pound or less each month. I made the mistake of taking my husband and the roommate with us because she wanted to hear the babys heartbeat. She made a point to make me feel like crap and make it seem like I eat like crap and drink soda all day long when really I work 8+ hours a day and rarely eat. Anyway when we got home that night my husband was more concerned with her and what she was doing and how she was feeling rather than my emotions and why I was so upset. I told him that evening in bed that I wasn't sure if I could live with her anymore. (She had made it a point when we got home that evening to put on minimal clothing and keep my husbands attention) his only response to that was "I thought you might be thinking something like that" The next day we both got up for work at the same time, didn't say a word to each other and both lef t. I had a breakdown at work and had to be put on disability because I couldn't control myself and my emotions. That day he came home on his lunch break and told me he wanted a divorce. He said he wasn't sure if he ever loved me and told me he married me out of pity. I of course was a wreck after hearing these things, and it felt like he all of a sudden wanted to push me as far away as possible and said things I never thought he would say to me. I always thought we had a great relationship and could talk about anything. I loved him unconditionally with my whole heart and I still do and will do anything to go back to the way it was.
Also about 6 months ago he started a no carb diet and has lost about 60 lbs while I'm gaining weight being almost 7 months pregnant. I composed myself after some time and we have been spending a lot of time together seeing as we still have to live together at his mothers until we get on our feet. I asked him random questions here and there and have discovered a big part of this is how fantastic he feels about himself after the weight loss and he wants to share himself with other women. I told him I might be ok with us opening our marriage, because we talked about it before I found out I was pregnant and I decided it wasn't a good time because our son is still so young, then found out there's another on the way and decided it was an awful time to think about opening our marriage. Anyway, about 2 weeks after he told me about the divorce I asked him since we are still living together if we could still have sex, with this pregnancy I have been unbelievably horny most of the time and there are times when I can't get enough. He agreed that that would be ok as long as we both understand it wont fix things it's just sex. We've been having sex almost every night and it has been amazing. We are getting along fantastically although I never really thought we didn't get along well before. We haven't been affectionate toward one another besides that including no 'i love yous' and no kissing. I have been really missing kissing him so last night I asked him if he was never going to kiss me again. his response was "I don't know" then just a couple minutes later he kissed me and said goodnight.
I feel like he still loves me when he looks at me and I don't see my future without him. I feel like we can come out of this stronger than we've ever been and I want him to change his mind. We don't talk a lot about the divorce or where we will be living when we get on our feet but I feel like I don't want to lose my husband and I don't want my family split apart especially with how small our boys are now.
Any advice? Tips? Anyone who can tell me whats going on in that mans head? Anything will be appreciated.
THANKS!
So, my husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for almost 6. We have a 2 year old son and another son on the way due in just a couple more months. Last month we were going through a lot of problems around us but not problems I realized with our relationship. We were in the process of losing our house, our bank accounts were levied and we were just all around having financial issues. We had a roommate/nanny living with us, a girl I became close with very fast and confided in her and trusted her. After I was pregnant for a few months I noticed my husband was spending more and more time with her and staying up late drinking with her when I would have to go to sleep or was working late. I started to get jealous but blamed it on the hormones because I thought they both wouldn't do that to me, especially while I'm pregnant. A month ago we had to move in with his mother and 2 days after we moved in I had a bit of an emotional breakdown after a doctors appointme nt to check on baby and I got news of gaining too much weight. I wasn't gaining a ton super fast but my doctor wanted to see me gain a pound or less each month. I made the mistake of taking my husband and the roommate with us because she wanted to hear the babys heartbeat. She made a point to make me feel like crap and make it seem like I eat like crap and drink soda all day long when really I work 8+ hours a day and rarely eat. Anyway when we got home that night my husband was more concerned with her and what she was doing and how she was feeling rather than my emotions and why I was so upset. I told him that evening in bed that I wasn't sure if I could live with her anymore. (She had made it a point when we got home that evening to put on minimal clothing and keep my husbands attention) his only response to that was "I thought you might be thinking something like that" The next day we both got up for work at the same time, didn't say a word to each other and both lef t. I had a breakdown at work and had to be put on disability because I couldn't control myself and my emotions. That day he came home on his lunch break and told me he wanted a divorce. He said he wasn't sure if he ever loved me and told me he married me out of pity. I of course was a wreck after hearing these things, and it felt like he all of a sudden wanted to push me as far away as possible and said things I never thought he would say to me. I always thought we had a great relationship and could talk about anything. I loved him unconditionally with my whole heart and I still do and will do anything to go back to the way it was.
Also about 6 months ago he started a no carb diet and has lost about 60 lbs while I'm gaining weight being almost 7 months pregnant. I composed myself after some time and we have been spending a lot of time together seeing as we still have to live together at his mothers until we get on our feet. I asked him random questions here and there and have discovered a big part of this is how fantastic he feels about himself after the weight loss and he wants to share himself with other women. I told him I might be ok with us opening our marriage, because we talked about it before I found out I was pregnant and I decided it wasn't a good time because our son is still so young, then found out there's another on the way and decided it was an awful time to think about opening our marriage. Anyway, about 2 weeks after he told me about the divorce I asked him since we are still living together if we could still have sex, with this pregnancy I have been unbelievably horny most of the time and there are times when I can't get enough. He agreed that that would be ok as long as we both understand it wont fix things it's just sex. We've been having sex almost every night and it has been amazing. We are getting along fantastically although I never really thought we didn't get along well before. We haven't been affectionate toward one another besides that including no 'i love yous' and no kissing. I have been really missing kissing him so last night I asked him if he was never going to kiss me again. his response was "I don't know" then just a couple minutes later he kissed me and said goodnight.
I feel like he still loves me when he looks at me and I don't see my future without him. I feel like we can come out of this stronger than we've ever been and I want him to change his mind. We don't talk a lot about the divorce or where we will be living when we get on our feet but I feel like I don't want to lose my husband and I don't want my family split apart especially with how small our boys are now.
Any advice? Tips? Anyone who can tell me whats going on in that mans head? Anything will be appreciated.
THANKS!
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