I don't know what to do, say or think anymore. I feel like I am drained. I have been married for 11 years - 2 boys. We're in our 40's. I was married briefly in my late teens which resulted in a daughter (who is out of the house and on her own). Stayed single (dated) for about 10 years before I decided to do it again ..........My husband micromanages the crap out of me - even down to the way I open a pouch of mac and cheese - last night the lesson was how to dip my chip to get the appropriate amount of dip .....apparently I was scooping "more than my allotted amount" WTF! I can't take any more! My husband is a former marine and also grew up in a 'religious' family who owned their own church - very male dominated (the women must wear skirts and keep their hair long). Prior to our getting married I told him I was having none of that, he told me that was fine and I was great the way I was, but over the years I have been pressured from time to time to conform! I will not!! I own my own business and to most people probably seem happy and in-charge....that could not be further fro the truth. My self-esteem has hit rock bottom, my confidence level is non-existent and my resentment is through the roof. I am depressed and sad 99% of the time. I talked to my Dr about it but my husband said he did not want me taking anything........ughh. I have told him how his daily micromanaging affects me and his reply was that it was my fault for feeling the way I do and that he is just trying to help me. (I have a college degree and owned my own home prior to our marriage, retirement plan, car etc) so I'm not sure why he feels like I need 'help' with EVERYTHING. I know at this point the only reason I stay is for the boys - they adore him and he adores them. I keep trying to tell myself that at this point in my life (45) its not about me anymore, that I have made my choices, made my bed and now I just need to lie in it. I feel like I am slowly dying inside. I suggested counseling but he doesn't think there is a problem and when I explain that my feelings are valid whether he agrees with them or not, he says I am being ridiculous and that a stranger is not going to be able to tell us how to communicate better than we can do it ourselves. Its so frustrating, in some ways I am lucky - there is no infidelity, no physical abuse, no money issues, no substance abuse. I pray to be made different, that if this is my life that God show me how to be whoever I am supposed to be to make this feel better .......something has to change
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