I'm 23, he's 22. We have lived together for almost 5 months now, I'm head over heels for him and he says he feels the same about me.
However, our sex life is not working well. When we first got together I thought he was just nervous, but the situation has not changed by now. This issue too keep erect at all happens maybe 40% of the time, and even during the short periods that he says it's "fine", I feel from previous experience that it's not completely normal. In comparison to every other guy I've been involved with I feel like my bf has a rather low sex drive, he doesn't watch porn or masturbate (something I'd find encouraging considering the circumstances).
I feel like he (pretty much) never gets fully (very hard) erect, however he does not have issues getting erect enough for intercourse. I am pretty forward and a rather sexual person, so I do know how to get him excited. However as soon as he does not receive stimulation (hand/mouth) he tends to go flaccid again. During intercourse and oral he still sometimes go flaccid, and the times he does not he lasts about 1 minute at most before he needs to come or lose it. Because of this we cannot really experiment with positions in any way, because as soon as it's not bang on the money, he loses it. About 50% of the time this also causes me to remain frustrated and unfulfilled, and by now I know it's not because of me as I know how to get myself off.
After I brought it up (in tears thinking he was gay or found me repulsive) he told me he has always been like this. According to him I'm the 7th or 8th partner he's had, and he's been sexually active since he was 16-17, so this is a persistent issue. The first time I brought it up he told me, I was understanding and he said it would likely improve.
However it has not improved. During december we had a more thorough talk (after a failed attempt to have sex) and I told him it's not only affecting him (he says he wants to so much, but then suddenly it just slips through his fingers and he can't feel it anymore) but it's affecting me too. He then said he would go to see a doctor to try find out what is going on and I was happy though still not convinced he was committed to finding out what's wrong. Just over a month has passed since then and he has made no attempt to see a GP, and I don't think he will on his own, or really wants to.
The last few times we have had sex it has been based purely upon me getting him excited, him entering me asap and basically raced to get off. The result is me being sore, frustrated and generally in distress.
This is the man I want to marry. I love no one like him, and no one has ever turned me on like him, however it only gets to that. Being turned on and frustrated. It is really affecting me mentally as well. I feel ugly, unsexy and like I'm not enough. Basically, now I don't want to let him see me unless I'm fully clothed, at night I change in the dark, and all the time I feel like it's an issue with me, that he doesn't find me sexually attractive though he says he does.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I've made an effort to talk, to be understanding and to try find a solution. I've asked what he likes, what I can do but nothing helps. I feel like I've seriously tried to make our sexlife work, and he would rather just pretend like everything's fine... But it's not going to work like this. At the same time I always feel bad putting pressure on him by telling him what goes on in our sexlife isn't normal.
Sorry for the long post, any advice or words of encouragement will be appreciated.
However, our sex life is not working well. When we first got together I thought he was just nervous, but the situation has not changed by now. This issue too keep erect at all happens maybe 40% of the time, and even during the short periods that he says it's "fine", I feel from previous experience that it's not completely normal. In comparison to every other guy I've been involved with I feel like my bf has a rather low sex drive, he doesn't watch porn or masturbate (something I'd find encouraging considering the circumstances).
I feel like he (pretty much) never gets fully (very hard) erect, however he does not have issues getting erect enough for intercourse. I am pretty forward and a rather sexual person, so I do know how to get him excited. However as soon as he does not receive stimulation (hand/mouth) he tends to go flaccid again. During intercourse and oral he still sometimes go flaccid, and the times he does not he lasts about 1 minute at most before he needs to come or lose it. Because of this we cannot really experiment with positions in any way, because as soon as it's not bang on the money, he loses it. About 50% of the time this also causes me to remain frustrated and unfulfilled, and by now I know it's not because of me as I know how to get myself off.
After I brought it up (in tears thinking he was gay or found me repulsive) he told me he has always been like this. According to him I'm the 7th or 8th partner he's had, and he's been sexually active since he was 16-17, so this is a persistent issue. The first time I brought it up he told me, I was understanding and he said it would likely improve.
However it has not improved. During december we had a more thorough talk (after a failed attempt to have sex) and I told him it's not only affecting him (he says he wants to so much, but then suddenly it just slips through his fingers and he can't feel it anymore) but it's affecting me too. He then said he would go to see a doctor to try find out what is going on and I was happy though still not convinced he was committed to finding out what's wrong. Just over a month has passed since then and he has made no attempt to see a GP, and I don't think he will on his own, or really wants to.
The last few times we have had sex it has been based purely upon me getting him excited, him entering me asap and basically raced to get off. The result is me being sore, frustrated and generally in distress.
This is the man I want to marry. I love no one like him, and no one has ever turned me on like him, however it only gets to that. Being turned on and frustrated. It is really affecting me mentally as well. I feel ugly, unsexy and like I'm not enough. Basically, now I don't want to let him see me unless I'm fully clothed, at night I change in the dark, and all the time I feel like it's an issue with me, that he doesn't find me sexually attractive though he says he does.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I've made an effort to talk, to be understanding and to try find a solution. I've asked what he likes, what I can do but nothing helps. I feel like I've seriously tried to make our sexlife work, and he would rather just pretend like everything's fine... But it's not going to work like this. At the same time I always feel bad putting pressure on him by telling him what goes on in our sexlife isn't normal.
Sorry for the long post, any advice or words of encouragement will be appreciated.
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