Im a guy in my early 20s, currently in a situation where Im getting quite close to a girl Im meeting up with soon, but even though I like her a lot, i dont know how I feel about getting into a new relationship.
Its been half a year now since my last relationship ended. I have not had that many relationships but they have all been long and bad and upsetting - arguing, violence, and a lot of hurt. Although I am not a violent or aggressive person, there have been times in past relationships where I have been violent and aggressive - but only in retaliation. I hate arguing or fighting and violence as I had quite a lot of it at home whilst growing up, being beaten and bullied and i always put up with things directed against me for a long period of time - being hit, critisised,threatened etc, but then eventually I just snap and lash out. One girl I hit back after being repeatedly hit by her, and another I choke-slammed into the wall after she made my face bleed after hitting and kicking me in an argument. These have really upset me as I hate violence more than anything but I always seem to let myself get walked over or controlled until I snap. I know that's not really an excuse, but follo wing these episodes Iv spent days upset and constantly vomiting from being upset.
All I want is a pleasant, loving and affectionate relationship, but my last 2 have left me in a sort of shell shocked state where I dont want to be close to anyone, shut myself off for weeks at a time, I dont want anyone to touch me sexually and I dont trust anyone. I dont know how to react to my various judgements or actions in the past or what to think of them - recently Iv been looking inward a lot and blaming myself and self harming and feeling suicidal.
I really want to have a secure and happy and trusting relationship - I like this new girl but Im vary wary of how to approach it or how much to let her in etc. I dont want to hurt anyone else either.
Please give your thoughts on it?
Its been half a year now since my last relationship ended. I have not had that many relationships but they have all been long and bad and upsetting - arguing, violence, and a lot of hurt. Although I am not a violent or aggressive person, there have been times in past relationships where I have been violent and aggressive - but only in retaliation. I hate arguing or fighting and violence as I had quite a lot of it at home whilst growing up, being beaten and bullied and i always put up with things directed against me for a long period of time - being hit, critisised,threatened etc, but then eventually I just snap and lash out. One girl I hit back after being repeatedly hit by her, and another I choke-slammed into the wall after she made my face bleed after hitting and kicking me in an argument. These have really upset me as I hate violence more than anything but I always seem to let myself get walked over or controlled until I snap. I know that's not really an excuse, but follo wing these episodes Iv spent days upset and constantly vomiting from being upset.
All I want is a pleasant, loving and affectionate relationship, but my last 2 have left me in a sort of shell shocked state where I dont want to be close to anyone, shut myself off for weeks at a time, I dont want anyone to touch me sexually and I dont trust anyone. I dont know how to react to my various judgements or actions in the past or what to think of them - recently Iv been looking inward a lot and blaming myself and self harming and feeling suicidal.
I really want to have a secure and happy and trusting relationship - I like this new girl but Im vary wary of how to approach it or how much to let her in etc. I dont want to hurt anyone else either.
Please give your thoughts on it?
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