Welcome to tonight's episode of the Wild World of TAM. Tonight, we're going to discuss the seven species of poster one is most likely to encounter in the confines of the forums. There are numerous sub-species but these are the main orders.
Note: Any visitor should proceed with caution as all TAM species can be somewhat unpredictable.
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Newbie Mayfly
Gender: Either
Habitat: General Relationship Discussion
Post Frequency: Once, or initially heavy, tapering into nothing
The Newbie Mayfly alights in TAM and posts a problem before taking off again. He or she appears indifferent to outside stimuli and very often vanishes from the scene without acknowledgment of suggestions or aid rendered. The Newbie Mayfly's life on TAM is brief, quiet, and somewhat puzzling.
Social Butterfly
Gender: Either, but approximate ratio is 3:2 female to male.
Habitat: The Social Spot
Post Frequency: Very High
The Social Butterfly often arrives at TAM with a problem. Whether that problem is resolved or not, the Social Butterfly continues its presence with non-stop social interaction, often hopping from thread to thread or responding rapid-fire to numerous other posters. Some are flirtatious and may flit about another poster but this is most often harmless. The Social Butterfly adds volume to TAM traffic, sometimes without substance, but is carefree about such issues and generally happier than other species.
Shrinking Turtle
Gender: Either
Habitat: Any
Post Frequency: Low
The Shrinking Turtle finds a reason - any reason - to bury his or her head in their shell. Whether it is bad sex, an affair, or financial misconduct, the Shrinking Turtle will flail around helplessly, then hide from the problem. "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist," is the Shrinking Turtle's answer to all problems. Shrinking Turtles are incapable of understanding the terms "introspection" and "reality;" attempting to do so will leave the Turtle panicked and confused. The Shrinking Turtle is an intermittently-paired creature, as mates leave when problems are not addressed. The Shrinking Turtle then emerges from its shell long enough to find a new mate, to start the cycle anew.
Alpha Wolf
Gender: Male
Habitat: Men's Clubhouse, CWI
Post Frequency: Moderate to High
The Alpha Wolf trots through the forest of TAM with a closed mind, looking neither left at other viewpoints nor right at their own weaknesses, but always straight ahead. To the Alpha Wolf, women are prey: weak, ineffectual, and slaves to their baser instincts. Their posts universally reflect a mindset of the Alpha Wolf's sense of superiority over other women and other wolves. A closely-related species is the Subalpha Wolf, who generally outnumber and run in the wake of the Alpha Wolf and claim to exhibit independent thought, while sub-consciously mimicking the actions of their pack leader. The Alpha Wolf often brawls with the Amazon Lioness and have been known to derail entire threads in their struggle, though ironically, the "I'm better" behavior of the Alpha Wolf and the Amazon Lioness are largely indistinguishable.
Amazon Lioness
Gender: Female
Habitat: Ladies Lounge, Sex In Marriage
Post Frequency: Moderate to High
The Amazon Lioness is generally haughty, her posts acerbic, and her interactions with male posters wrought with cynicism. She quickly ascribes the worst motives to them, though some explicitly exempt their current mate from their scorn. Though less close-minded than the Alpha Wolf, the Amazon Lioness is faster to draw ranks around a member of their pride; while the Alpha Wolf may turn his back on an outcast member for weak or despicable behavior, the Amazon Lioness is more likely to rationalize such behavior by a member of her pride and aid in shifting blame. Though Amazon Lionesses are openly disdainful of the Alpha Wolves, for all practical purposes, their credos and self-interest are basically alike.
Smirking Catfish
Gender: Unknown but feigns "male" most often
Habitat: Sex In Marriage, CWI
Post Frequency: High, when active
Lurking near the bottom of the pond, the Smirking Catfish tempts and lures its victims with posts designed to impassion and inflame regular members. Using keen insight by studying the board, the Smirking Catfish assumes the role of another species to entice posters into its story. Adaptive and clever, the Smirking Catfish modifies its tone and behavior to tempt even suspicious posters into taking the bait. Those that are impatient or clumsy are often slain before they develop but some old and especially crafty specimens have escaped and returned to TAM on a hunt again and again. Also known as the Trolling Carp.
Levelheaded Owl
Gender: Either, it seems
Habitat: Any
Post Frequency: Low to Moderate
Despite the silly appearance of the flat-topped head, the Levelheaded Owl is the wise sage of TAM. He or she opts for impact with each post, looks to help by answering the original question. The Levelheaded Owl has no pride in authorship; as long as the person gets help, it matters not to the Owl who provides the help. The Owl is confident, a good communicator, generally unflappable, and frequently self-effacing. While the Levelheaded Owl may become temporarily distracted in an interesting debate, they rarely engages in prolonged arguments, believing time is better spent sharing helpful information or assisting posters who have legitimate questions. Many of the other species believe themselves to be Owls.
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Thank you for joining us.
Any resemblance to any TAM poster, past or present, is ... semi-intentional. And anonymous.
Note: Any visitor should proceed with caution as all TAM species can be somewhat unpredictable.
*****************************************
Newbie Mayfly
Gender: Either
Habitat: General Relationship Discussion
Post Frequency: Once, or initially heavy, tapering into nothing
The Newbie Mayfly alights in TAM and posts a problem before taking off again. He or she appears indifferent to outside stimuli and very often vanishes from the scene without acknowledgment of suggestions or aid rendered. The Newbie Mayfly's life on TAM is brief, quiet, and somewhat puzzling.
Social Butterfly
Gender: Either, but approximate ratio is 3:2 female to male.
Habitat: The Social Spot
Post Frequency: Very High
The Social Butterfly often arrives at TAM with a problem. Whether that problem is resolved or not, the Social Butterfly continues its presence with non-stop social interaction, often hopping from thread to thread or responding rapid-fire to numerous other posters. Some are flirtatious and may flit about another poster but this is most often harmless. The Social Butterfly adds volume to TAM traffic, sometimes without substance, but is carefree about such issues and generally happier than other species.
Shrinking Turtle
Gender: Either
Habitat: Any
Post Frequency: Low
The Shrinking Turtle finds a reason - any reason - to bury his or her head in their shell. Whether it is bad sex, an affair, or financial misconduct, the Shrinking Turtle will flail around helplessly, then hide from the problem. "If I can't see it, it doesn't exist," is the Shrinking Turtle's answer to all problems. Shrinking Turtles are incapable of understanding the terms "introspection" and "reality;" attempting to do so will leave the Turtle panicked and confused. The Shrinking Turtle is an intermittently-paired creature, as mates leave when problems are not addressed. The Shrinking Turtle then emerges from its shell long enough to find a new mate, to start the cycle anew.
Alpha Wolf
Gender: Male
Habitat: Men's Clubhouse, CWI
Post Frequency: Moderate to High
The Alpha Wolf trots through the forest of TAM with a closed mind, looking neither left at other viewpoints nor right at their own weaknesses, but always straight ahead. To the Alpha Wolf, women are prey: weak, ineffectual, and slaves to their baser instincts. Their posts universally reflect a mindset of the Alpha Wolf's sense of superiority over other women and other wolves. A closely-related species is the Subalpha Wolf, who generally outnumber and run in the wake of the Alpha Wolf and claim to exhibit independent thought, while sub-consciously mimicking the actions of their pack leader. The Alpha Wolf often brawls with the Amazon Lioness and have been known to derail entire threads in their struggle, though ironically, the "I'm better" behavior of the Alpha Wolf and the Amazon Lioness are largely indistinguishable.
Amazon Lioness
Gender: Female
Habitat: Ladies Lounge, Sex In Marriage
Post Frequency: Moderate to High
The Amazon Lioness is generally haughty, her posts acerbic, and her interactions with male posters wrought with cynicism. She quickly ascribes the worst motives to them, though some explicitly exempt their current mate from their scorn. Though less close-minded than the Alpha Wolf, the Amazon Lioness is faster to draw ranks around a member of their pride; while the Alpha Wolf may turn his back on an outcast member for weak or despicable behavior, the Amazon Lioness is more likely to rationalize such behavior by a member of her pride and aid in shifting blame. Though Amazon Lionesses are openly disdainful of the Alpha Wolves, for all practical purposes, their credos and self-interest are basically alike.
Smirking Catfish
Gender: Unknown but feigns "male" most often
Habitat: Sex In Marriage, CWI
Post Frequency: High, when active
Lurking near the bottom of the pond, the Smirking Catfish tempts and lures its victims with posts designed to impassion and inflame regular members. Using keen insight by studying the board, the Smirking Catfish assumes the role of another species to entice posters into its story. Adaptive and clever, the Smirking Catfish modifies its tone and behavior to tempt even suspicious posters into taking the bait. Those that are impatient or clumsy are often slain before they develop but some old and especially crafty specimens have escaped and returned to TAM on a hunt again and again. Also known as the Trolling Carp.
Levelheaded Owl
Gender: Either, it seems
Habitat: Any
Post Frequency: Low to Moderate
Despite the silly appearance of the flat-topped head, the Levelheaded Owl is the wise sage of TAM. He or she opts for impact with each post, looks to help by answering the original question. The Levelheaded Owl has no pride in authorship; as long as the person gets help, it matters not to the Owl who provides the help. The Owl is confident, a good communicator, generally unflappable, and frequently self-effacing. While the Levelheaded Owl may become temporarily distracted in an interesting debate, they rarely engages in prolonged arguments, believing time is better spent sharing helpful information or assisting posters who have legitimate questions. Many of the other species believe themselves to be Owls.
*****************************************
Thank you for joining us.
Any resemblance to any TAM poster, past or present, is ... semi-intentional. And anonymous.
Put the internet to work for you.
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