Hey every body! I wrote on here about a year ago, about my husband's EAs and my hard time trying to move past them all. We eventually filed for legal separation and right before it ended up being approved, we decided to try, yet, again.
Things have been up and down since then. Mostly up, but a lot of down too. The most of the issues now, stem around his binge drinking. My husband was raised by parents who drink alcohol regularly. They're definitely alcoholics, by definition, but to him, it's just normal. Well, I guess he would admit their alcoholics, but because it's so "normal" to him, he doesn't understand how much of a problem alcoholism really is, unless he's knees deep in an argument with his drunk mother. Besides that, it's just a fact of life for his family. That's how they celebrate, that's how they unwind, that's just how they do. Whereas, my life was very different. I was raised by a single dad, who still, I have never seen him even finish 1 beer (I am 28yrs old). I'm a bit more loose when it comes to alcohol than my dad. I like to have a drink or two, every once and a while, in social settings, and sometimes I will even unwind with a glass of wine. Once in a blue moon, I may really let loose and get tipsy with some girlfriends.. but this is rare. We're talking 1 or two times a year.
Okay, so, back to the issue. My husband does not drink every day. He may have a couple of beers, a couple of times a week, which is totally cool - but then, once or twice every month or so, he realllyyyyyyy let's go. This has been a problem since we got married, and even before we got married, but dating, I didn't see the issue as much as I do married to him. He will get black out drunk. He talks awfully to me. He will switch from happy, to angry, for no reason. He won't be able to stand properly. He does things he regrets, after I've told him about them the next morning, and that's if he even believes me when I tell him. I've recorded his behavior, video-taped it, etc, so he knows I'm not completely crazy. This has been going on consistenly, pretty much since we reconciled several months back. Even though, like I said, he's done this since we've been married and before, I guess it's gotten a bit more ridiculous since we reconciled. The last two times (before the most recent), I told him I was d-o-n-e. I told him I wasn't going to put up with it any more... I couldn't handle it. The hurt and the trust issues that we already have are magnified after one of his binge nights. This very last time, I threatened to kick him out, but then agreed with the ultimatum that he is done with alcohol, forever... period... none, he better not even smell it.
I guess my problem is, even though he has agreed, I'm just unconvinced. I feel like I'm waiting for him to **** up, so I can't relax and just enjoy life. It's been a week now.... he is one of those people who really overcompensates when they've f'd up. So, every room in the house is clean, he's bending over backwards to make it happy, etc, but I am still just like, "meh." I don't know what to do. I don't know how to just trust him (But let's face it, he hasn't really given me a reason to). I hate this... and honestly, some moments I wish we would've never "tried again."
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A little back story, so those who don't remember me can catch up.
Married 7 years; together 8.
Two kids: 9 and 5.
Living overseas on a military assignment.
Separated 3 times, due to many different issues from other girls, to his "dead" existence in the marriage.
He does NOT have PTSD. He has never been in combat. So those are not factors.
Things have been up and down since then. Mostly up, but a lot of down too. The most of the issues now, stem around his binge drinking. My husband was raised by parents who drink alcohol regularly. They're definitely alcoholics, by definition, but to him, it's just normal. Well, I guess he would admit their alcoholics, but because it's so "normal" to him, he doesn't understand how much of a problem alcoholism really is, unless he's knees deep in an argument with his drunk mother. Besides that, it's just a fact of life for his family. That's how they celebrate, that's how they unwind, that's just how they do. Whereas, my life was very different. I was raised by a single dad, who still, I have never seen him even finish 1 beer (I am 28yrs old). I'm a bit more loose when it comes to alcohol than my dad. I like to have a drink or two, every once and a while, in social settings, and sometimes I will even unwind with a glass of wine. Once in a blue moon, I may really let loose and get tipsy with some girlfriends.. but this is rare. We're talking 1 or two times a year.
Okay, so, back to the issue. My husband does not drink every day. He may have a couple of beers, a couple of times a week, which is totally cool - but then, once or twice every month or so, he realllyyyyyyy let's go. This has been a problem since we got married, and even before we got married, but dating, I didn't see the issue as much as I do married to him. He will get black out drunk. He talks awfully to me. He will switch from happy, to angry, for no reason. He won't be able to stand properly. He does things he regrets, after I've told him about them the next morning, and that's if he even believes me when I tell him. I've recorded his behavior, video-taped it, etc, so he knows I'm not completely crazy. This has been going on consistenly, pretty much since we reconciled several months back. Even though, like I said, he's done this since we've been married and before, I guess it's gotten a bit more ridiculous since we reconciled. The last two times (before the most recent), I told him I was d-o-n-e. I told him I wasn't going to put up with it any more... I couldn't handle it. The hurt and the trust issues that we already have are magnified after one of his binge nights. This very last time, I threatened to kick him out, but then agreed with the ultimatum that he is done with alcohol, forever... period... none, he better not even smell it.
I guess my problem is, even though he has agreed, I'm just unconvinced. I feel like I'm waiting for him to **** up, so I can't relax and just enjoy life. It's been a week now.... he is one of those people who really overcompensates when they've f'd up. So, every room in the house is clean, he's bending over backwards to make it happy, etc, but I am still just like, "meh." I don't know what to do. I don't know how to just trust him (But let's face it, he hasn't really given me a reason to). I hate this... and honestly, some moments I wish we would've never "tried again."
----
A little back story, so those who don't remember me can catch up.
Married 7 years; together 8.
Two kids: 9 and 5.
Living overseas on a military assignment.
Separated 3 times, due to many different issues from other girls, to his "dead" existence in the marriage.
He does NOT have PTSD. He has never been in combat. So those are not factors.
Put the internet to work for you.
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