..and also is there any way to stay friends?
Backstory: WHen I was 29 I started dating my best friend of 12 years. Her friendship meant the world to me. After a year of dating, I proposed and we moved in together and than marrie a year later. Now for teh last year, and a little more, I have realized that I am very tough to live with and so is she. We don't fight a lot, but mostly becasue I am scared of confronting her. I am slightly bi-polar and have been medicated for it for 10 years now(w/o therapy), and I think I just have too many issues to work well with another person. She definitely has a lot fo faults in the way she handles things and I am 100% sure that this is the right thing to do. However, while we don't have kids, I would give anything to still go back to the way we were. We've been friends for a long time, so obviously we have a lot of mutual friends. We also have a lot of common interests, including both being huge fans of the same band(Phish), and I would love to think that we can still go out with all o four friends and not be awkward, and even eventually be going to concerts together, and mayeb even getting together personally just for dinner(not friends with benefits, I'm just talking friends). I still love her in many ways. I am also strongly under the assumption, that she does not see this coming and does not want this. I was unsure of this last february when I first mentioned that I wanted a divorce and she was completely blindsided and broke down. She does not see this coming, so let's keep that assumption going for this discussion. My real quesiton is, I think the best way to do this is to say as littel as possible about what's wrong with her and focus on how I want to be single again. I don't even want to date other women, and can't imagine getting married again. All the above being said, there are things about her that have driven me away. Any way i can keep that to myself? Is that more or less hurtful? A few weeks ago she took a trip for work, and I was so happy to have the apartment to myself. I did nto miss her at all. I miss my personal space and need it back and my question is, will this answer without me pointing out what she did wrong, backfire by making her just be mad about my selfishness, or do I take the risk of hurting her by poinitng out her faults. I have not pointed them out yet because I am absolutely frightened of any comfrontations. i have tried so many lifestyle changes(diet, meditiation, change of bad habits) to try to make me happier, but ultimately I know I want to be alone. This is the answer. Maybe I will clarify this more later, but this forum has been helpful before and I wanted to throw this out there. Some wonderful people answered my thread a year agio and it really helped. Thakns for reading.
Backstory: WHen I was 29 I started dating my best friend of 12 years. Her friendship meant the world to me. After a year of dating, I proposed and we moved in together and than marrie a year later. Now for teh last year, and a little more, I have realized that I am very tough to live with and so is she. We don't fight a lot, but mostly becasue I am scared of confronting her. I am slightly bi-polar and have been medicated for it for 10 years now(w/o therapy), and I think I just have too many issues to work well with another person. She definitely has a lot fo faults in the way she handles things and I am 100% sure that this is the right thing to do. However, while we don't have kids, I would give anything to still go back to the way we were. We've been friends for a long time, so obviously we have a lot of mutual friends. We also have a lot of common interests, including both being huge fans of the same band(Phish), and I would love to think that we can still go out with all o four friends and not be awkward, and even eventually be going to concerts together, and mayeb even getting together personally just for dinner(not friends with benefits, I'm just talking friends). I still love her in many ways. I am also strongly under the assumption, that she does not see this coming and does not want this. I was unsure of this last february when I first mentioned that I wanted a divorce and she was completely blindsided and broke down. She does not see this coming, so let's keep that assumption going for this discussion. My real quesiton is, I think the best way to do this is to say as littel as possible about what's wrong with her and focus on how I want to be single again. I don't even want to date other women, and can't imagine getting married again. All the above being said, there are things about her that have driven me away. Any way i can keep that to myself? Is that more or less hurtful? A few weeks ago she took a trip for work, and I was so happy to have the apartment to myself. I did nto miss her at all. I miss my personal space and need it back and my question is, will this answer without me pointing out what she did wrong, backfire by making her just be mad about my selfishness, or do I take the risk of hurting her by poinitng out her faults. I have not pointed them out yet because I am absolutely frightened of any comfrontations. i have tried so many lifestyle changes(diet, meditiation, change of bad habits) to try to make me happier, but ultimately I know I want to be alone. This is the answer. Maybe I will clarify this more later, but this forum has been helpful before and I wanted to throw this out there. Some wonderful people answered my thread a year agio and it really helped. Thakns for reading.
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