I'll post my entire story some day. But for now I just feel like telling someone who'll understand, that tonight, I've finally given up.
I was ready to start the whole ordeal again for the umpteenth time over "the talk" again. We started getting ready for bed, kids were tucked away already. I'd just had a bath and so did she (not together, don't be silly! Lol). So I get into bed and lay there. She gets out of the bath and instead of coming to bed, she goes downstairs and starts catching up on her admin. Still, I waited for her to finish. I think she was waiting for me to fall asleep. An hour goes by and I hear her quietly coming up the stairs. She gets into bed, jumps straight out again and gets out the "no way in hell we're making love socks". I smile with myself. She gets into bed. Covers her whole body with the blankets even though it's cooking hot outside and in. The only thing exposed are her eyes and forehead.
By now I know that she's just waiting on me to start at "it" again. I'm quickly thinking of new ways to start this topic off tonight. I couldn't think of a new way to start. She's still waiting on me to start. I reach over to switch the bedroom lights off. Lay there for 15 minutes in silence. Gave her a kiss; said goodnight and told her that she wins, , I'm done. I give up.
She didn't say a word. Looked at me for a few seconds, very confused. Then started staring out into space. I waited for a few more minutes for her to utter something. Nothing came. I got up out of bed, came downstairs for a smoke and some coffee. Then decided I needed to tell someone. I started this thread.
I just literally looked up now and see that she just put up some more of our wedding day pictures on display. I laughed. She's so quick to try and keep up appearances for the public. It's quite funny actually. I wish I had some more time to tell our whole story. I will. Someday.
Right now I just feel so relieved and at the same time so incredibly sad too. Before I got out of bed now, she was already fast asleep. Wow!
Is this what it feels like when you finally give up on trying any longer? So empty. Sad. Emotionless. Alone. Confused. At ease. Content.
I just looked at the pictures she put up of us and noticed that she used the frame from one of the poems she wrote me before we got married. It was a beautiful poem about love and what she'll do for me and our love and how great full she was to have met me and never taking me for granted, etc. Laugh Out Loud. You couldn't write this sh!t. I decide I'm done trying and she gets rid of a poem she wrote me.Wow.
PS: SSmall background. I'm 33. She's 35. Together for 13 years. Married for 8 of those. Basically sex starved ever since our wedding day. We have 2 beautiful baby girls. I love my wife; ; my kids; our little family so very much.
I have no idea what tomorrow holds in store for me; for us. I won't be rejected another day in my life. I won't be lied to any longer. I will never again be made to feel like I'm SO very wrong for wanting to be close with my wife. My wife. Not some random woman I come into contact with daily. My wife. I will never again get secret panic attacks for fear of rejection again for every time I try and be intimate with her. I will never again apologise for wanting to be intimate with my gorgeous wife. I'll never again get mad at my beautiful daughters out of frustration for what their mother rejecting me yet again. I'm so done with it all.
TAM has surely helped me mature enough and helped bring me to this place I'm at right now. I'm happy I found this forum. Now to see what tomorrow holds for us.
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I was ready to start the whole ordeal again for the umpteenth time over "the talk" again. We started getting ready for bed, kids were tucked away already. I'd just had a bath and so did she (not together, don't be silly! Lol). So I get into bed and lay there. She gets out of the bath and instead of coming to bed, she goes downstairs and starts catching up on her admin. Still, I waited for her to finish. I think she was waiting for me to fall asleep. An hour goes by and I hear her quietly coming up the stairs. She gets into bed, jumps straight out again and gets out the "no way in hell we're making love socks". I smile with myself. She gets into bed. Covers her whole body with the blankets even though it's cooking hot outside and in. The only thing exposed are her eyes and forehead.
By now I know that she's just waiting on me to start at "it" again. I'm quickly thinking of new ways to start this topic off tonight. I couldn't think of a new way to start. She's still waiting on me to start. I reach over to switch the bedroom lights off. Lay there for 15 minutes in silence. Gave her a kiss; said goodnight and told her that she wins, , I'm done. I give up.
She didn't say a word. Looked at me for a few seconds, very confused. Then started staring out into space. I waited for a few more minutes for her to utter something. Nothing came. I got up out of bed, came downstairs for a smoke and some coffee. Then decided I needed to tell someone. I started this thread.
I just literally looked up now and see that she just put up some more of our wedding day pictures on display. I laughed. She's so quick to try and keep up appearances for the public. It's quite funny actually. I wish I had some more time to tell our whole story. I will. Someday.
Right now I just feel so relieved and at the same time so incredibly sad too. Before I got out of bed now, she was already fast asleep. Wow!
Is this what it feels like when you finally give up on trying any longer? So empty. Sad. Emotionless. Alone. Confused. At ease. Content.
I just looked at the pictures she put up of us and noticed that she used the frame from one of the poems she wrote me before we got married. It was a beautiful poem about love and what she'll do for me and our love and how great full she was to have met me and never taking me for granted, etc. Laugh Out Loud. You couldn't write this sh!t. I decide I'm done trying and she gets rid of a poem she wrote me.Wow.
PS: SSmall background. I'm 33. She's 35. Together for 13 years. Married for 8 of those. Basically sex starved ever since our wedding day. We have 2 beautiful baby girls. I love my wife; ; my kids; our little family so very much.
I have no idea what tomorrow holds in store for me; for us. I won't be rejected another day in my life. I won't be lied to any longer. I will never again be made to feel like I'm SO very wrong for wanting to be close with my wife. My wife. Not some random woman I come into contact with daily. My wife. I will never again get secret panic attacks for fear of rejection again for every time I try and be intimate with her. I will never again apologise for wanting to be intimate with my gorgeous wife. I'll never again get mad at my beautiful daughters out of frustration for what their mother rejecting me yet again. I'm so done with it all.
TAM has surely helped me mature enough and helped bring me to this place I'm at right now. I'm happy I found this forum. Now to see what tomorrow holds for us.
Posted via Mobile Device
Put the internet to work for you.
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