We are 31 and have been together 3.5 years and engaged. Shes a lawyer, im an engineer. A year into our relationship, she lost her job and began working directly for a 42 year old lawyer who had a solo business. He is not physically attractive, but has a successful business and lots of money. He pays her about 4x what he has to, or what the going rate is. They talk many times a day on the phone as she drives around, often mixing personal stories with business. He will call her at any hour he pleases. She often tells me he is a great friend(although they get into extreme emotional fights weekly), he is a great businessman, and "understands her" because they both have an anxiety problem about the fear of being "poor". We will call this guy "Jacob".
I do not fear she will physically cheat, but i often do feel like there is some emotional attachment that should only be with me. I have tried to get her to set boundaries, and we are generally at a point where i just try to ignore it.
One day she was upset at me for some small reason, think forgetting to have the grass mowed on time.
So the next morning, i ask her if she wants to go to her favorite place for breakfast, and she replies no, but that she wants to go to this new place for brunch. I hesitated because i wasnt that hungry, and asked if i could think about it for a minute. Didnt even seem like anything was the matter, but she popped at me and said "if you dont want to go, i can just ask Jacob!"
Being that she knows im already sensitive about this subject, and i think with good reason, i felt really hurt. And it was intentional, how could it not be.
I tell her this kind of thing should NEVER happen in a good marriage, because it just crosses that boundary of trusting them with your heart.
She says She doesnt see what the big deal is, and im just being to sensitive. She was just mad she says. I just cant imagine doing this to her, because i know how hurt shed be.
So, please take this one stand alone incident and tell me if this happens in your relationship, or if you and your partner would think this is over the line?
Ps: we are separated at the moment, I am just wondering if i need to thicken my skin in general, or if this kind of incident is actually over the line and actualy would never happen in a good relationship.
I do not fear she will physically cheat, but i often do feel like there is some emotional attachment that should only be with me. I have tried to get her to set boundaries, and we are generally at a point where i just try to ignore it.
One day she was upset at me for some small reason, think forgetting to have the grass mowed on time.
So the next morning, i ask her if she wants to go to her favorite place for breakfast, and she replies no, but that she wants to go to this new place for brunch. I hesitated because i wasnt that hungry, and asked if i could think about it for a minute. Didnt even seem like anything was the matter, but she popped at me and said "if you dont want to go, i can just ask Jacob!"
Being that she knows im already sensitive about this subject, and i think with good reason, i felt really hurt. And it was intentional, how could it not be.
I tell her this kind of thing should NEVER happen in a good marriage, because it just crosses that boundary of trusting them with your heart.
She says She doesnt see what the big deal is, and im just being to sensitive. She was just mad she says. I just cant imagine doing this to her, because i know how hurt shed be.
So, please take this one stand alone incident and tell me if this happens in your relationship, or if you and your partner would think this is over the line?
Ps: we are separated at the moment, I am just wondering if i need to thicken my skin in general, or if this kind of incident is actually over the line and actualy would never happen in a good relationship.
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