In addition to the fake marine stuff I posted on another thread, here is the reason I came to TAM:
DH moved two hours away to work over the summer. Lived with his mom. We saw each other on weekends. He also thought moving in with his mom would be beneficial in him getting custody of his daughter and his mom was involved in that. That's another long story. So it ended up he, his mom, and his dd living there for the summer.
At first it was hard but okay. Either he came here or I came there every weekend. He works in a male dominated industry. There were only a few women work there.
Every time I was up there I was at his work. He always wanted me around his job, never kept me away, didn't mind surprise visits. Kept my pics all over his desk. Seemed to like showing me off. Never gave signs of someone messing around with somebody at work. In fact one day I went up there and didnt' go by and see him, and he was hurt that I had been in town and not stopped by his work.
He's a larger than life character, always the center of attention. Charismatic. People love him. I am the opposite, very shy. Anyway, in any job he's had, he's always immediately make friends and always came home telling stories about everybody's personal soap operas. But there were never any women until now.
So there was this one whom was apparently having an A with another guy there (I'll call him Richard, for obvioius reasons), who was basically married. DH and this guy were a team. So that put DH in contact with this sleezy affair and this woman. I hated this chic from first site. First time I saw her she was hanging out there on her day off, all dressed up looking for attention talking about guys buying her drinks. DH even said another female there warned him about ...I'll call her "Deb". I also was in there once and one of the other women said she was sick of Deb always running out to "eff around with Richard" and not doing her work.
It seemed like DH was getting way too knowledgable about both of these cheaters lives. And it was also clear that Deb was talking to just my DH away from Richard. He would let things slip like that she said she was scared of me, I said really what type of conversation brought that up?? He said idk they were just talking about other people and she said that. I said you are crossing boundaries. I started to get really mad when he'd mention her name and about the A going on there. If I had that other wife's phone number even today I would call her. I don't know who she is.
I soon started noticing that Deb is an all around attention seeker with men. She would make excuses to go back with the guys and often times it was only my dh ad the dude she was messing with. In fact, she was told by the boss she better not be out in the guys area unless she has a reason.
After DH was there a couple of months it seemed like he was making less effort to come to me, I started going up there to him more.One Sunday his ex came up to get his dd. Ex usually stayed in town with her all day then went back home. I noticed she had gotten way overweight but was all dolled up more than usual. He and I hung out the rest of the day, then when I was leaving he said he didn't want to go in and listen to his mom. I just knew he wasn't going to go home. I hated this because I knew he had no more phone time for me to get ahold of him. (tracfone).
Later I called his moms' house like I did every night before bed and he wasn't there yet. His mom told me that he had come in, put on his work clothes and said he was meeting his ex back at his work to fix her car.He had mentioned her AC not working. But then he never came back. I called back a couple of hours later and his mom said he still wasn't back but his ex had called and said she wasn't bringing the child back because she was gonna get a hotel in town for the night. I said he better not be with his ex!! His mom told me "if they got a hotel to hang out with their kid I'm sure hes not gonna mess around with her. She's fat and her skin has gotten terrible!!" Oh okay, my god.
At the same time, office bimbo Deb was working that night. So if he went to work that night and then didnt' come home, these are the possibilities:
1. He worked on ex car and ex left alone. Then he might have stayed out all night with Deb.
2. He left there with ex and they had some warm fuzzy family reunion in a hotel room where they played mommy and daddy.
3. He left with neither and god only knows where he was.
He slipped up that he left his car there, I think he left with somebody. He says he took the work truck and went out drinking all night. Crashed in a parking lot slept it off and came into work the next day. Drinking is a huge problem with him.
I called him asap at work the next morning. I asked where he was and then said "If you don't want to be with me and want to stay out all night with someone else, you need to let me go. Rigth now, over the phone". I was hurt and emotional but totally calm. He almost cried and said no no I didn't go with anybody I want to be with you!! He tried hard to "make it up to me". But the flip had been switched in my mind.
a month later, he got really drunk again with one of the guys after work and he ended up being alone with a new woman working there cause friend left. Apparently DH stayed til he sobered up and left. late, night shift. I went absolutely nuts. I called his friend and said I was going to go off on all of them if he didn't tell me if something happened. He assured me that New Chic would never go for my DH!! Really??? Said DH didn't come on to her but that new chic had a boyfriend and didn't seem interested in talking to him much. I have to hope DH and her wouldn't be idiots enough to eff around at their work with security cameras. But whatever. It wasn't really her I was worried about. But that connects to the fake marine thing I just discovered. He was areound her while talking to me once on the phone and going on and on about being a marine, it seemed he was trying to impress her. I head that she was annoyed by him. But Deb...she clearly was in awe about his marine stuff. < br />
I came up there the next day. We had started making plans for me to move up there. I was looking at houses, jobs, school for my kid. He looked horrible. Still drunk hungover. Anyway, suddenly he just said "I'm not going back to work. I need to be with you and I need to come home. This isn't working". I was believe it or not so happy. I helped him get some things. His mom kept his daughter, that's how they wanted it anyway. That was end of summer.
He came back and I nursed him back to health. His drinking was really taking a toll. He got another job right away. I was glad he was home. But I noticed every day he was bringing up Deb. I guess maybe he was talking about other coworkers too, but it was her name that I kept noticing. Sometimes it was about her and Richards' affair, sometimes just annecdotes about her. I went through his phone and noticed that she had sent a text from her cell asking about some papers for the boss. And she said "this is Deb" in the text. So I thought maybe that meant he didn't have her number if she had to say that. I just kept quiet.
We both went back for him to get some of his things he left. I thought that was a good sign, he didn't try to leave me behind and make a trip up to his old work and stupid Deb. We were out talking to Richard, and Deb comes running out with some fake work issue. Then she starts asking Dh a thousand questions: why are you leaving? You and Richard work so well together! What are you gonna do find another job? What abou t your daughter? He gave her vague, answers and changing the subject.
A week later I noticed on her fb that she no longer worked there. I kept quiet. I also kept checking his fone and fb. Nothing.
Then a few days later he comes in with this weird look on his face. he was like "I think they fired Deb". I guess it was an indication they weren't in contact he would have known when it happened. I said really, so? And how do you know anyway? He said he called another woman there for something and she said deb no longer worked there. He also had the otherr girls cell number, maybe I should be suspious of her instead! He said Richard no longer worked there either, they must have fired him too.
Then I noticed he searched her on fb that night. I didn't notice any messages or anything archived or chats or anything. I guess he just looked up what was going on at work. He also searched the other girl there who he called. Just those two.
Then a few days later I noticed he had called Deb or she had called him and they had talked for 20 minutes. I was so mad I didn't notice who called who. I went completely nuclear. Rage. I know I know, I was supposed to stay calm. He doesn't even like talking on the phone! We were about to get into a huge pow wow, and he was drunk. He grabbed the phone said we'd call her right now if I didn't believe him. I was MAD!!!! She answered, I stayed completely silent. He said "Sedona is mad cause I called you the other day. (so I guess it was him that called). She is scary mad. (oh nice). " I could hear her going "let me talk to her!" but he wouldn't give me the phone. He said "Sedona doesn't believe I talked to you AND Richard!!". Anyway I don't know who hung up I was so mad I probably could have picked up a Volkswagon off of a kid.
As far as I know that was the last contact.
We went up there again to finish up more loose ends with his work. We walked in and EVERYBODY was in the office kind of hanging around. He asked the boss why Richard was fired. Not why Deb was fired. Boss said he couldn't say, but then boss made the comment "you probably know as much as anybody".
He started then having these ephinanies. He said I was right about her, she liked attention. I said yes but you were giving it, you need to look at yourself too. He told me yes she was telling him details about her affair with Richard and now he could see how inappropriate that was. He said she would do things to flatter him like tell him what an awesome dad he was and stuff. He said I was right. (I had warned him, I said that type of woman will get at you by acting like she luuuuuvvvvs your kid!) Said she used to come out and try to act like she wanted to talk to his dd when he brought her to work.
Then he tells me he heard that Deb is pregnant. Oh nice. No boyfriend, no husband, now it's a game of Whos the Daddy. I bet every wife form that place was grilling their husbands.
I asked a hundred times if he was with Deb that night he disappeared, or if something happened between he and her ever. He said no did I really think he would screw around with someone who tells her sordid affairs to everyone???? . and then he gave me the "why would I eat hamburger when I've got steak at home" speech. (our sex life IS really good) I asked if he was with his ex that night. Of course he said not. He said I should know he's an alcoholic and he drinks til he passes out where ever. I said I don't think you would make a big choice to screw deb. I think it would be one of those things where you get wasted and didn't care, and also she is the type that would hop on a guys' junk if he was passed out.
I said calmly, did you make a mistake? Just tell me. He insists not. I said I swear to god, if Debs kid is yours you better allow me to walk away now. I don't want anything to do with that. He said "dang you sure seem eager to get rid of me!!! It's not mine!! I didnt' cheat!!"
Then you know what he said??? "If I was gonna eff around it wouldnt' be with deb! It would be with ____ (other worker who he has her number) or ____ (bosses wife)!!!" Omg, well I feel so much better now. This man just lets anything fly out of his mouth.
Then things were quiet. I occasionally checked phones and fb. Things are pretty good with us. I back off from checking up. But then next I check Deb has a rogue sonogram pic up on fb. No announcement, no indication of being in a relathionship.And usually her friends are all about liking her pics, and there was total silence on that pic. Funny how a new baby should be joyous and suddenly there is total radio silence from her friends. I don't know. the whole d**M thing makes me upset and nervous. My head is spinning from so many things lately.
Then the fake marine validation. Just when I'm hoping things will get better then there's a stupid sonogram and an email that my DH was not in the military.
DH moved two hours away to work over the summer. Lived with his mom. We saw each other on weekends. He also thought moving in with his mom would be beneficial in him getting custody of his daughter and his mom was involved in that. That's another long story. So it ended up he, his mom, and his dd living there for the summer.
At first it was hard but okay. Either he came here or I came there every weekend. He works in a male dominated industry. There were only a few women work there.
Every time I was up there I was at his work. He always wanted me around his job, never kept me away, didn't mind surprise visits. Kept my pics all over his desk. Seemed to like showing me off. Never gave signs of someone messing around with somebody at work. In fact one day I went up there and didnt' go by and see him, and he was hurt that I had been in town and not stopped by his work.
He's a larger than life character, always the center of attention. Charismatic. People love him. I am the opposite, very shy. Anyway, in any job he's had, he's always immediately make friends and always came home telling stories about everybody's personal soap operas. But there were never any women until now.
So there was this one whom was apparently having an A with another guy there (I'll call him Richard, for obvioius reasons), who was basically married. DH and this guy were a team. So that put DH in contact with this sleezy affair and this woman. I hated this chic from first site. First time I saw her she was hanging out there on her day off, all dressed up looking for attention talking about guys buying her drinks. DH even said another female there warned him about ...I'll call her "Deb". I also was in there once and one of the other women said she was sick of Deb always running out to "eff around with Richard" and not doing her work.
It seemed like DH was getting way too knowledgable about both of these cheaters lives. And it was also clear that Deb was talking to just my DH away from Richard. He would let things slip like that she said she was scared of me, I said really what type of conversation brought that up?? He said idk they were just talking about other people and she said that. I said you are crossing boundaries. I started to get really mad when he'd mention her name and about the A going on there. If I had that other wife's phone number even today I would call her. I don't know who she is.
I soon started noticing that Deb is an all around attention seeker with men. She would make excuses to go back with the guys and often times it was only my dh ad the dude she was messing with. In fact, she was told by the boss she better not be out in the guys area unless she has a reason.
After DH was there a couple of months it seemed like he was making less effort to come to me, I started going up there to him more.One Sunday his ex came up to get his dd. Ex usually stayed in town with her all day then went back home. I noticed she had gotten way overweight but was all dolled up more than usual. He and I hung out the rest of the day, then when I was leaving he said he didn't want to go in and listen to his mom. I just knew he wasn't going to go home. I hated this because I knew he had no more phone time for me to get ahold of him. (tracfone).
Later I called his moms' house like I did every night before bed and he wasn't there yet. His mom told me that he had come in, put on his work clothes and said he was meeting his ex back at his work to fix her car.He had mentioned her AC not working. But then he never came back. I called back a couple of hours later and his mom said he still wasn't back but his ex had called and said she wasn't bringing the child back because she was gonna get a hotel in town for the night. I said he better not be with his ex!! His mom told me "if they got a hotel to hang out with their kid I'm sure hes not gonna mess around with her. She's fat and her skin has gotten terrible!!" Oh okay, my god.
At the same time, office bimbo Deb was working that night. So if he went to work that night and then didnt' come home, these are the possibilities:
1. He worked on ex car and ex left alone. Then he might have stayed out all night with Deb.
2. He left there with ex and they had some warm fuzzy family reunion in a hotel room where they played mommy and daddy.
3. He left with neither and god only knows where he was.
He slipped up that he left his car there, I think he left with somebody. He says he took the work truck and went out drinking all night. Crashed in a parking lot slept it off and came into work the next day. Drinking is a huge problem with him.
I called him asap at work the next morning. I asked where he was and then said "If you don't want to be with me and want to stay out all night with someone else, you need to let me go. Rigth now, over the phone". I was hurt and emotional but totally calm. He almost cried and said no no I didn't go with anybody I want to be with you!! He tried hard to "make it up to me". But the flip had been switched in my mind.
a month later, he got really drunk again with one of the guys after work and he ended up being alone with a new woman working there cause friend left. Apparently DH stayed til he sobered up and left. late, night shift. I went absolutely nuts. I called his friend and said I was going to go off on all of them if he didn't tell me if something happened. He assured me that New Chic would never go for my DH!! Really??? Said DH didn't come on to her but that new chic had a boyfriend and didn't seem interested in talking to him much. I have to hope DH and her wouldn't be idiots enough to eff around at their work with security cameras. But whatever. It wasn't really her I was worried about. But that connects to the fake marine thing I just discovered. He was areound her while talking to me once on the phone and going on and on about being a marine, it seemed he was trying to impress her. I head that she was annoyed by him. But Deb...she clearly was in awe about his marine stuff. < br />
I came up there the next day. We had started making plans for me to move up there. I was looking at houses, jobs, school for my kid. He looked horrible. Still drunk hungover. Anyway, suddenly he just said "I'm not going back to work. I need to be with you and I need to come home. This isn't working". I was believe it or not so happy. I helped him get some things. His mom kept his daughter, that's how they wanted it anyway. That was end of summer.
He came back and I nursed him back to health. His drinking was really taking a toll. He got another job right away. I was glad he was home. But I noticed every day he was bringing up Deb. I guess maybe he was talking about other coworkers too, but it was her name that I kept noticing. Sometimes it was about her and Richards' affair, sometimes just annecdotes about her. I went through his phone and noticed that she had sent a text from her cell asking about some papers for the boss. And she said "this is Deb" in the text. So I thought maybe that meant he didn't have her number if she had to say that. I just kept quiet.
We both went back for him to get some of his things he left. I thought that was a good sign, he didn't try to leave me behind and make a trip up to his old work and stupid Deb. We were out talking to Richard, and Deb comes running out with some fake work issue. Then she starts asking Dh a thousand questions: why are you leaving? You and Richard work so well together! What are you gonna do find another job? What abou t your daughter? He gave her vague, answers and changing the subject.
A week later I noticed on her fb that she no longer worked there. I kept quiet. I also kept checking his fone and fb. Nothing.
Then a few days later he comes in with this weird look on his face. he was like "I think they fired Deb". I guess it was an indication they weren't in contact he would have known when it happened. I said really, so? And how do you know anyway? He said he called another woman there for something and she said deb no longer worked there. He also had the otherr girls cell number, maybe I should be suspious of her instead! He said Richard no longer worked there either, they must have fired him too.
Then I noticed he searched her on fb that night. I didn't notice any messages or anything archived or chats or anything. I guess he just looked up what was going on at work. He also searched the other girl there who he called. Just those two.
Then a few days later I noticed he had called Deb or she had called him and they had talked for 20 minutes. I was so mad I didn't notice who called who. I went completely nuclear. Rage. I know I know, I was supposed to stay calm. He doesn't even like talking on the phone! We were about to get into a huge pow wow, and he was drunk. He grabbed the phone said we'd call her right now if I didn't believe him. I was MAD!!!! She answered, I stayed completely silent. He said "Sedona is mad cause I called you the other day. (so I guess it was him that called). She is scary mad. (oh nice). " I could hear her going "let me talk to her!" but he wouldn't give me the phone. He said "Sedona doesn't believe I talked to you AND Richard!!". Anyway I don't know who hung up I was so mad I probably could have picked up a Volkswagon off of a kid.
As far as I know that was the last contact.
We went up there again to finish up more loose ends with his work. We walked in and EVERYBODY was in the office kind of hanging around. He asked the boss why Richard was fired. Not why Deb was fired. Boss said he couldn't say, but then boss made the comment "you probably know as much as anybody".
He started then having these ephinanies. He said I was right about her, she liked attention. I said yes but you were giving it, you need to look at yourself too. He told me yes she was telling him details about her affair with Richard and now he could see how inappropriate that was. He said she would do things to flatter him like tell him what an awesome dad he was and stuff. He said I was right. (I had warned him, I said that type of woman will get at you by acting like she luuuuuvvvvs your kid!) Said she used to come out and try to act like she wanted to talk to his dd when he brought her to work.
Then he tells me he heard that Deb is pregnant. Oh nice. No boyfriend, no husband, now it's a game of Whos the Daddy. I bet every wife form that place was grilling their husbands.
I asked a hundred times if he was with Deb that night he disappeared, or if something happened between he and her ever. He said no did I really think he would screw around with someone who tells her sordid affairs to everyone???? . and then he gave me the "why would I eat hamburger when I've got steak at home" speech. (our sex life IS really good) I asked if he was with his ex that night. Of course he said not. He said I should know he's an alcoholic and he drinks til he passes out where ever. I said I don't think you would make a big choice to screw deb. I think it would be one of those things where you get wasted and didn't care, and also she is the type that would hop on a guys' junk if he was passed out.
I said calmly, did you make a mistake? Just tell me. He insists not. I said I swear to god, if Debs kid is yours you better allow me to walk away now. I don't want anything to do with that. He said "dang you sure seem eager to get rid of me!!! It's not mine!! I didnt' cheat!!"
Then you know what he said??? "If I was gonna eff around it wouldnt' be with deb! It would be with ____ (other worker who he has her number) or ____ (bosses wife)!!!" Omg, well I feel so much better now. This man just lets anything fly out of his mouth.
Then things were quiet. I occasionally checked phones and fb. Things are pretty good with us. I back off from checking up. But then next I check Deb has a rogue sonogram pic up on fb. No announcement, no indication of being in a relathionship.And usually her friends are all about liking her pics, and there was total silence on that pic. Funny how a new baby should be joyous and suddenly there is total radio silence from her friends. I don't know. the whole d**M thing makes me upset and nervous. My head is spinning from so many things lately.
Then the fake marine validation. Just when I'm hoping things will get better then there's a stupid sonogram and an email that my DH was not in the military.
Put the internet to work for you.
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