need advice help

Hi I'm Stephanie . I been married for five years to to my narcissistic husband. In the beginning he was everything I could imagine and to make long story short over time the trust has been taken. We've had issues with his drinking never making plans his mood anger intimacy. This is his second marriage and well we are in the exact same issue he was in first time exactly it's scary. It's like he's repeating same thing with us. I've forgiven him so many times. I finally walked out when I discovered him having online dating sites sent pictures Asian porn galore. Even talking to ex's even the girl he cheated on me with years ago. We have two kids. I feel shattered.he's in Afghanistan right now and I'm at my mother's. I'm.confused I gave him endless sex love attention and now I feel insecure worthless. He blames my negativity nagging *****ing to. And when confronted he doesn't explain why.. doesn't answer my questions why when I want how when why all.he .does is tell other people how he feels why . But avoids talking to Me about the situation. He acts like a child. He tells me the lamest reasons. I told him not to get on the coy to watch porn because our son goes on it and did I find more. When confronted he says he wanted me to find it...but the day before we were getting everything ready due future. He's mean acts like I never existed .won't explain to me anything didn't bring up how he wants fix marriage but says he won't give me a divorce and lives me. But I'm telling you he goes off on me for his wrong doing s. Curses all that. I expected something different. Am I stupud for wanting all this to go away and want my family back. I put my foot down. I'm done I may have low self esteem but I know my worth. I'm just torn because my kids and everything we had. And all he does is make me feel like it's my fault .avoid talking about it by skipping around and saying how good we had it and this that. I feel like I married a stra nger. :(

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