I can't work out what my ex means with these messages

Below is a copy of emails back and forward yesterday between myself and my ex. I had emailed her initially just for closure amongst other things but now I'm confused by her replies, is she just trying to be nice? We didn't break up because of arguments or anything like that, the situation is complicated and I think we both had got to a point where it was very difficult to carry on. I'm in green and her replies are red Hello, I have no idea if you're at work today or not but either way you'll get this eventually I guess! And don't worry it's nothing dramatic, just literally wanted to take this opportunity now that things are all good for us to say I'm genuinely sorry for having been such a dick! Omg honestly I embarrassed myself so much I know I did and I made such an arse of things. I realise I was unrealistic and daft at times and I suppose it's taken these last couple of weeks for all of that to really sink in. It's great I guess that we're both getting back to our old selves and that can only be a good thing for our friends and families. I honestly don't know what I was thinking really and I realise now I should have been fairer to you a long time ago, I was just being selfish to hold on and looking back I'm amazed you put up with me for as long as you did! It was really lovely of you though and I want to say thank you for that, and everything else you did for me as well. You were always right about pretty much everything and I really should have listened to you more than I did. Anyway I don't want to bore you by going on too much, we've both wasted a lot of time already on this stuff so I'm purposely keeping this short. A part of me is genuinely pleased you are really happy now and its great that you have everything you want. Don't worry about replying when you do get this, I was originally just going to leave everything but I felt it was the decent thing to do to apologise and admit I was wrong. I know you're not going to contact me anymore and it's ok as I understand why. Good luck for the future, I know you'll be just fine x Hey you, This is a surprise, I thought you had put me/us right out of your mind now and moved on, I've been told how good and happy you are now and have everything sorted and all your plans, so I am pleased for you. Please stop saying sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for, ever x and I still don't know why you feel embarrassed about things, I never thought you were embarrassing so stop worrying. Thank you for the email it's nice to hear from you xx Hey you, Awwww you are working today then, that sucks. Thank you for replying and it's really lovely of you to say you're pleased for me. I'm only partially happy for you :) Omg I know you well enough ******* to know you don't really believe for a second that I'd have completely put you out of my mind and forgotten about you already do you! That's just daft. I'm not that cold a guy. Things are good I guess, or at least getting there anyway. Without you I kinda had a big gap to fill in my life (not saying you were big, you know what I mean) so I've just concentrated on a load of other stuff now and its helped a lot these last couple of weeks. And it's hard to explain why I feel embarrassed but it doesn't matter anyway now. Just easy to look back and see where I didn't listen or do the right thing. You always said you weren't right for me for example and I just never believed it, things like that. And I said a lot of stuff about how I felt and what I wanted etc that its hard not to feel embarrassed about now if that makes sense. Hopefully you've forgotten about all of that now! Don't worry anyway its all in the past sweetheart. Also I was only joking when I said I'm partially pleased for you, its really great you are happy. It's all I ever wanted for you I promise, and when I do think about you its nice to know you've got everything you want now. I think about you smiling and being happy and it makes me feel better about things x x God ***** you are so full of sh*t sometimes :) all this being happy sh*t. Anyway I suppose you are right it is all in the past and doesn't matter now. I do miss you and think about you and hope you're ok xx Haha omg you just made me spit out my crusha milkshake when I read that! You might not believe me but its true honestly, I always did genuinely want you to be happy so much (I feel like I'm in trouble when you call me by my first name!) and it helps a lot to know you are and this is what you want for us both, so just suck it up cause its true. Even though you don't believe we exist maybe I'm just a decent guy! I might still miss you and think about you too maybe a little bit. But I'm not going to tell you that x x I know you're a decent guy and you were always in trouble when I use your first name :) I know you won't tell me it's ok xx I'd always liked little ***** for you, or ******, or ******! I was gutted to be honest I didn't get to use ***** more because that was genuinely one of the funniest conversations we'd ever had, still makes me chuckle now thinking about it! x x Shut up :) That's my dream job xx Yeah you might have mentioned that I'd have just been happy if you'd had the uniform, gun and badge to be honest! Then done the whole letting your hair down thing as you walked in the door. Maybe I put too much thought into it! xx I would have kicked down the door first and shouted clear :) xxx Omg you could have rescued me! I'd have been conveniently tied to the bed and you'd have been like ffs not again! :) x x Or I would have tripped over and shot you in the leg :) xx I could have taken it! I'd have just made you make it up to me later :) Anyway have a fun weekend ****** and take care of yourself, maybe I do miss you a little bit after all x x

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629984