I Can't Do This Anymore

Been with husband (53) for 24 years, married 21. The trouble comes from years of porn, years of his wondering eye and infatuations with other women, years of being last on his list, his family, his habits, his humor, his drinking. He has been a good provider. He is kind to our animals which I appreciate and he does do things with me when I ask which I like as well. He does not tear me down verbally. These are the pluses on his side. I have asked myself do all marriages go thru these growing pains, are his actions typical male behavior, if I leave will I find nothing but men like him or worse, am I being too picking? Husband was not self confident as a teen and did not date but rather infatuated about girls instead. He found porn and fantasy became his sex life, even as a married man. We married when he was 31. The times he has approached me for intimacy I could count on my hands, it was always me going to him. After 20 years of marriage he finally told me he was uncomfortable with intimacy. I finally gave up completely, there was nothing mutual, we do not sleep in the same bed, we coexist. I am not unattractive, I still turn heads to this day. I have always kept myself up, never been over weight. We have had counseling as far as the infatuations and the porn. I think they actually did him alot of good and thru the counseling I think he finally realized how hurt I was. I don't think even I knew how hurt and how removed I had become. I do not think I could ever be close to this man again because of the way he's been. And it's not just his love for other women. I think the drinking is the final straw for me. It's been an on-going problem in our marriage. He might drink a bottle of wine every night or he might not drink for several days but you can bet as soon as he is out socially or we have company he will get smashed. Last 2 weekends we have had social events to attend. Last week he and one of his buddies got so drunk that they could not either one recall conversation. They were cussing and making lude comments, making fun of a girl at the dinner we were at (after she left). I was so embarrassed. I talked to him about this, asked him why he can't find limitations. Then he turned right around and did it again last night with a group. Slurring his words, cussing and telling stupid jokes, spilled a drink on the table. If I have him drive he still drinks so usually I am the driver so I am safe but I am tired of doing this. I don't know if I should just stop going out with him entirely or tak e separate autos. He has some really weird habits too, they drive me crazy! he copies other people without realizing he is doing is, I have asked him. he picks up habits from other people and adopts them into his own personality kind of like a child picking up bad habits from school friends so I am constantly having to get used to a new habit. This man is very content to do everything on his own. He lives in his own little world and has no room for anyone. When I first met him we were in his house, he had the TV on and was sitting doing crossword puzzles. I was a guest invited to his home by him and this is what he did. I was the one that asked him if he would like to play cards or something. This has been the way of our relationship ever since. He is happy to veg all day on the computer, play solitaire for hours, watch sci-fi movies (which he knows I don't like), watch football, and play games on his cell phone. He never asks me to do anything. If we do anything together it's because I asked. he shares nothing with me, nothing of what he learned, read, saw, discovered, was thinking, nothing. He is passive-aggressive and have dealt with just tons of blame. I raised his two sons and he was as hands off with raising them as he has been to me as a husband yet I was faulted for everything I did do. I have been in counseling for 2 1/2 years. He and I had counseling together as well in this time. He says he can see the passive-aggressive in him and did start reading a book which has helped. My counselor says that our relationship is unbalanced, that I am the parent and husband is the child. He believes that husband expects me to dote on him like his family admired him while he was living in his family home and that when I do not he becomes resentful. He also feels that his relationship with women and not dating as a young person came from the relationship he had with his sisters and how they interacted with one another. However, knowing all of this changes nothing. There is nothing between us. The only thing we share is one child and the household. Our daughter is a senior in high school now and I do want to make sure she is cared for but I cannot see myself continuing to live like this. Does anyone else find this odd, or can relate?

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979