The right thing hurts so bad

I'm new here as of an hour ago and spent some time reading other 'down in the dump' stories. I need advice on what to do even though I think I already know. I'm 35 years old and had been with my ex fiancé for 12 years. We started dating when we were 18-19. Had children together and all in all were happy. We had normal relationship fights...money, jealousy things, but we always pulled through. Four years ago, our closest friends got divorced. I was closer to them than she was, just due to the fact that I've known them much longer than she did. That being said I always had a crush on my friends wife, innocent infatuation- or so I thought. After their divorce, she could no longer afford their house, as he moved out of town. So we welcomed her into our home, and into our bedroom. Those "innocent" feelings of a crush/infatuation quickly became lust and eventually what I believed to be love. After a few short months, we shared feelings for each other and decided that we couldn't live without each other. So I moved out of my home where I shared my life with my fiancé and children, and my new found romance killed a 10 year friendship with her best friend. Things were not so good for us in the beginning (as anyone reading this can imagine). She had severe issues when I would have my kids over, and I could not help the feeling that she missed her husband. Over the course of four years, the lust/infatuation/crush feelings went away for me and we were just going through the motions of our new life, although she would say she loves me unconditionally, and she would of liked to get married eventually, I began to realize what a tragic life altering mistake I had made. Now, my ex fiancé's story after I left: She fell hard. Alcohol, excessive dating etc. I tore a hole in that woman by leaving with her best friend that took her a long time to get over. And she searched for love to fill that hole. She eventually settled down and got married to try to regain some stability. Unfortunately, according to her, he was just comfort during her hardest of times. I have regretted leaving that house almost everyday after it happened, but felt too committed to my new situation and girlfriend that I kept thinking "things will get better". They may have on the surface, but I had a burning feeling of regret and missing my fiancé and my life and I just kept it hidden. Fast forward to now....My ex and I have been communicating for over a month, however within the first week of communication, my girlfriend found out and confronted me, I told her everything: that I regret leaving that house with her, that I still love my ex, and I miss the 12 years her and I had together. That ended, as you can imagine, with us breaking up. Which was ultimately what I wanted. Now before the judgements start, it was much better to break it off with her, rather than continue living a lie that she was #1, when in reality, my ex always held that torch. Anyway, we've been talking for over a month and floodgates of emotions got exposed. How I still love her and she still loves me. The next complicated part of this story is she's still married to this man who she cares about in the sense that she don't want to hurt him, BUT, in the course of their marriage he's cheated at least twice that she knows of, been to jail twice, can't hold a job and has had his license revoked, so looking for work is near impossible. She wants to be with me again, and I her. I know she has a huge heart and is FULL of motherly love, so she feels too bad for him to kick him on the street, with no job or money. Mind you he has no friends or family either, if he did, she admitted this being much easier for her to accomplish. I know I have, believe it or not, become a much better person during the course of everything outlined above. I know what's important to me, and she is it. I whole heartedly love this woman with everything in me. And have a lifetime of regrets with how I left her. She knows this and we so badly want to be together again, but with him in the picture it's impossible. He's begging for second chances and I'm afraid I'm going to lose her forever. She told me yesterday that he is demanding she not talk to me anymore, which is hard for both of us to deal with. I guess I'm curious how he has all these things that she cannot stand about him, yet she is giving into his demands? While he was in jail this last stint, she explained to him they were over, yet he's the one holding all the card and telling her what to do. She is so soft and fragile, I feel he's taking advantage of her. Matter of fact I know he is. Without her, he has no money, no ride etc., etc. I told her in response to him putting a stop to us talking, that I respect whatever they decide. And I will step back for as long as need be. I also told her I will wait for her and that I wasn't going anywhere. Is that the right choice? You have to believe how incredibly in love with her I am, and its sad it took us being apart to realize it. I hope with time, and patience, this guy will work himself out of the picture. But in the mean time, I ache soooo badly. We know that if we ever become a couple again, we're to take it extremely slow... i.e. dating again, rebuild that foundation. I read other posts that suggest how to get back with your ex as just "get the fuck over it". But with the history her and I have, the amount of love we still share for each other, I'm not ready to accept that offer yet.........WHAT DO I DO????

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