I guess I was used..

To be honest.. I dont know where to begin , but i'll try to be as detailed as possible. About 15 years ago, i made a friend who was a girl and i was in the first grade, 2 years after being in the same class and hanging out at lunch time, as a 9 year old, i told her "i love you and i want to marry you when we grow up" so anyways, my school had to segregate the boys from the girls from the 4th grade, so i never so her or heard from her again.. As the years went by, i never forgot about her, so after graduating from school about 4 years ago, i saw her at the graduation.. and all i could say was WOW.. she changed.. alot .. and i cant believe we both transfered to another school and graduated together xD all i was thinking was is this real? i saw her but she didnt remember me, i blame my fat for that.. anyway i kinda asked a few girls about her, like if they could talk to her since she left early, one of them gave me her email, i emailed her but it was sooooo dull and boring, then i told myself i should change physically and mentally. Took me about 3 years to get where i am today, i lost her email, so i did a little snooping here and there, till i found her twitter account and followed her, and just starting joking a little about her tweets till she followed me, and i didnt really send her a direct message straight away, i waited about 2-3 weeks then i sent her a direct message, i dont remember what i said, but we just started talking and talking, then she remembered who i was :D (this was on october 30th 2012) she asked me for my blackberry pin, so i added her, and we started chatting on blackberry messenger things were going great, i mean she doesnt talk ALOT but i manage to make her laugh a lot, anyway so about a month passed she asked me if i could proof read her essay, i read it, and told her it was really bad, like if i was a teacher i'd might give you a D, she said why, so i pointed out her mistakes, and i told her i'd help her (i was bored and a thousand words isnt really alot) so after i re-wrote everything i sent it to her, and she thanked me, i was happy i could help her, but this is where it got weird.. and a mistake from my part xD, she asked me to write her a five thousand word essay.. , i told her i cant really do that.. i could give you pointers and help you start it but thats it, she said okay, so i helped her with the introduction but to my surprise i ended up doing it for her.. so she thanked me .. i (in a joking way) told her thats it? she said what do you want? i told her a date :E she said she'll think of a place, so a week or so passed and she said she's in my area i quickly got dressed to meet her, because thats what i thought she meant, but thats not what she meant, she said i dont go on dates anymore, its a big no no, i asked why? she said, she doesnt wanna make a mistake again (i didnt ask what she meant by that, thought it would be too personal) anyway after the 5000 word essay and the "date" i let it slide, i didnt really bother, so we texted each other like we always do, then i asked her if i could call you? she said no.. we can only text, i told her okay skype? she agreed so we skyped once in january, and it was fun, then we went back to texting another 3 months and we're in april now. April.. what a lovely month .. what happened in april was .. silly old me confessed to her, i was driving and texting her, i told her i have something to tell you, it's pretty long to text so could i call you? she said no, just tell me when you're home, i told her i need an hour to reach my house, she said she'd wait, so i drove back home, and logged onto skype, i told her to come online and she did, so i started off talking normally like i always do, and about 20 minutes into the call, i told her, i would really prefer if we talked about this face to face, she said no, tell me here, i kept trying to persuade her onto going out but it didnt work, so another 20 minutes, then she said stop it now tell me, i wanna hear it now.. i hesitated but i told myself i dont wanna live my life with no regrets, so i told her that i liked her and stuff, to my surprise she said and i quote "aww, thats soo sweet, if i was in your shoes i would tell the person i like, that i do like him i wont hesitate and its cute that you're honest with me " .. i just chuckled .. and then she said she had to go to bed, a week after that she told me she wanted me to check five 100-150 word summaries, guess what this idiot did :) .. yes i re-wrote it for her, i know i was getting used, but i didnt think of it that way back then, i thought i was just doing her a favor and maybe she'd like me and maybe.. just maybe we'd be in a relationship because quiet honestly i do have feelings for her xD so a month after telling her i like her, she actually started starting conversations with me, and we started talking alot more, and i was happy, but .. i asked her nicely if i could call her as i was driving back home and was stuck in traffic, she said "no!", i asked her why? do you want me to get into a car accident because im texting and driving O_O!! she laughed and said dont text me, talk to me when you're back home, i told her, but you'll be asleep till i reach home, she said we have tomorrow, i told her okay, then i asked her, "in all honesty would we ever go out?" she said "no!" i got a little angry, then i asked her, how come "honestly why cant i call you?" she said what's the point?, i replied "i just feel we're more closer and laugh a lot more when we talk on skype, so what's the difference between a phone call and skype? , she said "i dont want to talk to you on the phone.." i lost my self ... and i texted her a long message saying things like:- "if you could step in my shoes for once, and see how things felt on my side, would you understand what you are to me? sometimes there are risks and mistakes people dont regret doing them over because its worth everything to them. What i wanted to do is dont, i told you how i felt and thats good enough for me, im tired of getting my hopes up and get hurt in the end, i am sensitive, and maybe thats not really my best quality but thats me, to be honest would you even remember me after a year or two? all you did these past 6 months was use me, you think i didnt know? im not an idiot , and you tell me people use you.. how ironic.. i guess you're not the person i thought or maybe hoped you were.. goodbye" (the message is longer xD but i just summarised it) and i wish i didnt send that because she replied " what's wrong? i thought we were friends, now you ruined everything.." i told her "friends dont use each other.." a day later we were on skype, i called her but she didnt wanna pick up.. so i stopped texting her for 2 weeks, and then i texted her hey :D, she replied hi, etc.... we talked a little more, then i got really busy for a week, so she deleted me from bbm.. it's been 3 months now.. i see her on skype, and on twitter, but i dont know.. i want to talk to her, but i dont know.. i miss her alot even though i dont even know what category we're in xD I'm really really REAAALLLLYYYY sorry for this long post xD this was bottled up for too long.. had to let it out. the question is, should i send her a direct message, or when i see her on skype call her? i dont know im just confused... like some days, i miss her and just keep thinking about her, and some days i couldnt care less about her.. xD Any advice is welcome, thank you :D

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