At Impasse

Well, off and on TAM for past year or so. Site is immensely helpful to help understand I am not alone. Brief catch-up on story. Married 20 years, both 45. Three teenage kids who are wonderful. Over the years lost appreciation and respect for each other and did not do well to meet each other's needs. Have been in MC for nearly two years. Been very helpful to understand each other better, communicate better, understand what we have done to contribute to situation. At present, friends working towards common goals and raising the children to be as happy as we can. Our impasse------physical intimacy. I do not need quantity --- once every 7-10 days would work. What I have always loved is bringing my wife to orgasm. To know that I am responsible for bringing her the kind of pleasure only I can bring her. This makes me feel so connected and special to/for her. For her, she just cannot enjoy / tolerate sex with me. She says she has a physical reaction that triggers anxiety. She says it is from all the years of me "expecting" sex and perceiving that is all I wanted from her. Not true, but does not matter. She is where she is. About once every two weeks, we have "pity" sex where she begrudgling takes care of me physically. Very mechanical, no interest, no pleasure. MC continues to tell me to be patient and work on the other aspects. I AM TRYING! I had bad episode last night and told her I could not do it anymore and that I was going to move out. I have no intentions to do so as I could not tolerate life without my kids. I did not express my feelings well, and ultimately did apologize. That said, I just can't go on desiring the woman I love but always getting rejected. She wants to continue MC - I will. But, I am not hopeful it will help. And, more importantly, I have no idea how to react in a productive / positive way when that feeling comes like a freight train every week or two. HELP PLEASE!!!

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