When WS is a genuine nice guy otherwise

short as possible synopsis of relationship history and infidelity: together for 6 yrs, engaged 1 yr in, married last spring 2012. 6 weeks before wedding: found elicit text conversation with woman; kept my cool and spied for weekend, found stb husband on online hookup site and texting girl "friends". We had come to jesus discussion: he admitted his loneliness, depression, did it for excitement, never really met any of them. He even sent no contact text to women if front of me -telling them getting married, convos stopping. one of them even responded congrats! I love him, believed him. continued with wedding. Post wedding (he leaves to go to work in BFE for summer (this is 3rd year of this type of work) my paranoia triggers with him gone and I stalk him. download text tracker onto his phone, keylogger onto his laptop (his ONLY outlet to anything/anyone in civilization) he is NOT techsavy, so no worries that he finds these (still up n running a year later) due to my spyware, I have ALL of his cc and bank account numbers, log ins to email accounts. I comb through ALL accounts (email, bank statements, cc) I find that his activity was tip of the iceberg (several more hookup sites). With a little creativity, combing through old emails in spam folders and guesswork, I broke into every hookup account. Most of them he opened when he was doing the seasonal work. every one of these websites a geared towards affair finding/casual sex. he lists his intentions/limits to discreet encounters/discussions. However, he has made dozens of "how ya doin" contacts. no real relationship building or even number exchange/dirty talk. On every website, I even made a dummy profile for myself ( no face pic). I note every time I log in as him so when I check him out as my lonely woman ID, I can see the last time his profile was on. Basically his infidelity looked like it used to be lonely trolling latenight after work. No evidence of any true physical contact, plus due to intimacy issues he has, I don't believe he ever actually would. My obsessive stalking has been going on for a year. every drop of solicitation/infidelity I found was pre discussion day. He was never active on any site or had any more conversations via text after that day. I am pretty confident when I say I don't believe he has waivered since the day I confronted him. (I know people are going to say- but he could have another computer or phone. He would have to pay for it with fairy dust since I comb through every monetary transaction) keep in mind this has now been going on for a YEAR, in the meantime I have basically had to play the role of the unknowing trustful wife. I always meant to confront him with my new er old evidence but never found the right time. He came home just before the holidays, helped with my family business during the cold months and is now back in another isolated, backwoods area. he thinks I trust him, and I do but not because I believe him but because my spytech tells me nothing in the way of him returning to his old ways. And yes I know it works and he doesn't know about it cause I see he work emails, crap he and buddies send each other and even the internet porn he is watching when he alone in his campground. Thats background so here are my issues I need help with. I am still obsessing, especially with him gone. do I still need to confront him with all I know or do I bury it in my heart and memory and try to go forward? while we are best friends, our sexual relationship took a nosedive 4 yrs ago (when his hookup site activity started and he was laid off losing his house). Part of me believes that my decrease in sex drive with him was due to unconsciously knowing he was hiding something. I still have a hard time being intimate with him cause I will begin to think, "has he touched another women like this since we've been together" While I know convos her have a tendency to say confront and divorce, please realize I am not just some poor sucker in love with a bastard. My husband is actually a really GOOD man. Chivalrous, kind men like him are rare these days. The kind of guy that stops and helps old ladies pull their garbage bins out of ditches, lets me pickup and bring home every turtle I find in the road. My coworkers call him when they have a flat tire, he works feverishly for my families business without thanks or pay cause "that just what family does" He is always the first to the rescue and to get his hands dirty. I come from a long line of shrewd, DIY challenging business family and can be very headstrong, judgemental myself. a.k.a. not the easiest to get along with and he takes my criticisms with class. I am told weekly by coworkers, friends, and family that god blessed me with him and I am very lucky to have someone so wonderful, strong, and reliable in my life. he is actually for me the perfect match to me. I will admit before this entire issue I took that for granted, but then he truly was perfect. Now that I have found this fatal flaw in him, part of me doubts everything in our relationship. Does he truly love me, or is he with me for a purpose? are his intensions cause he does love me or cause I can improve his financial security? These are all things I wonder daily and keep hidden, preventing us from really connecting when we are together. I was of course very insecure last summer, dropped a pile of weight, and noticed that he didn't take notice. I really want to reconnect with my husband, when we are together one day every two weeks, but my resentment towards his wandering (the additional length and quantity that was withheld from me) is holding me back. please help me with deciding on to confront or not? FYI : In over a year I have told NO ONE of this except I did start seeing a buffoon of a counselor that told me : Ahh, it all happened before your wedding date right? guys will be guys, and couldn't remember my issues from week to week. After 4 sessions I stopped going due to frustration. I actually went to her to help me to plan HOW to confront him with my new evidence and not ruin my marriage.

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