When I first came here

I started a thread about what works for me in my marriage. Looking back, it probably came across as arrogant and pissed a few people off. That was unintentional. But if it will possibly help someone else, I will list a few that works for Mr. L & me. This isn't going to be tenderly thoughtful and contemplative because that's not who I am or how I write. It's going to be sarcastically smart ass because that is who I am. But it's serious as well. :) So here goes. And again, keep in mind this is my marriage. May or may not work for anyone else. It's also probably aimed more towards wives since I am female (last time I checked) I remember the time that poster asked me if I was male or female. I don't know; what day is it? lmfao Married twenty-two years, twenty of them very happily. I think Mr. L. is happy; says he is. Sticks around. 1.) Don't nag. Men hate this. I swear to macadamias, men hate nagging. Try not to, especially if it's something stupid. And if you're feeling uber-b*tchy and don't think you'll be able to help it, stuff a chocolate bar or something else in your mouth. ;) 2.) Be kind. It really is true we tend to be more courteous to strangers than to our spouses. If you're dishing up ice cream for yourself, ask your spouse if they'd like a dish. Get up early and make their lunch. Give them a back rub without being asked. Act like you love them. Because you do. :) 3.) Be stupid and stop acting like a boring, too-cool-to-have-fun dumbass grown-up all the time. I once walked up behind dh when he was watching tv, dumped a cold beer on his head with one hand and squirted him with whipped cream with the other. Stuff like that is funny as hell, and usually leads to hot sex. If your spouse has absolutely no sense of humor, probably not recommended. 4.) Barring medical and other issues that many seen to have, have sex. Yeah, even if you're tired. Yeah, even if you have a headache. Sex helps headaches. Medical fact. Even boring sex is kind of a insert-bolt-A-into-slot-B endeavor, so go for it. Most people can do it with their eyes closed. Shave your damned legs and have sex. And about those (*whisper*) bjs, men really like them. I don't know why, they just do. Don't have a friend of the opposite sex that your spouse doesn't know about. I have several male friends. Mr. L. has 150% transparency with all my communication with them, phone calls, e-mails, ect. And no, I don't think it's ok for a married person to go out alone with an opposite sex friend. Just me. Be each other's best friend. I have female friends I love like sisters. I'd give them the shirt off my ta-ta's and anything else they needed. But dh is my go-to person. He knows me better than anyone else in the world and I know he's got my back, no matter what happens. Oh yeah, and it helps to marry a nice person. I realize that a lot of times a person's true colors don't come out until it's too late, but if someone is controlling, needy, nasty or demeaning prior to marriage, red flag. A marriage ceremony probably won't change them much. Bridezillas comes to mind. Sorry if this makes no sense....coconut rum cake does that to me...if I think of any other stunning marital advice I'll post it. Two more. Don't steal more than your share of the covers. Get up and get another blanket is stupid sucks ballz advice. Who wants to get their ass out of a warm bed in the middle of the night to do that? The man kills the palmetto bugs. Period. Non-negotiable. Refusal to do so on the part of the penis-carrier is ground for divorce.

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