Insecure in my relationship (feel the need to be more alpha) Advice?

Hello, apologies in advance if this post seems incoherent and 'waffle' like, I will try my best. Also I would like some generic opinions on this, but also that of females please. Basically me and my girlfriend have been together nearly eleven months now, and things have been up and down due to many issues. Usually to do with my lack of confidence, low self-esteem and my anxiety and depression, which were pre-existing before we met. I was at university living away from home when my issues really began. I lost all of the small amount of confidence that I actually had. I was depressed and socially anxious- in a nut shell. I have had Cerebral Palsy from birth (physical impairment-disability) and always thought I was different because of this, which undoubtedly contributed to my problems. Basically, I got so low because I was comparing and contrasting my life to that of others, always thinking 'what-if' and putting the rest of the world on a pedestal. Such as other good-looking men, very attractive woman (which I thought I had no chance with), higher achieving students, wealthy people, and muscular people. Simply because such people are more desirable in today's world. Ultimately, I got so ill, I had to drop out of university and move back home. Although I have overcome a lot of challenges in my life (like getting out of the wheelchair and walking- against doctors diagnosis), I still felt unworthy. Have always done so. I came home, and too my surprise I met my GF, things have been rocky. But I can't entertain the idea that she might find other men attractive. Yeah sure, she can look, and have an opinion etc, thats not my issue. I can't stop her, but nonetheless, as her BF I don't like the thought of her finding other men attractive. Yes, it is hypocritical of me to some extent, because I as a man may look at another woman and think OK shes nice. But I would hate for her to secretly began to develop feelings for another man, and then maneuver into breaking up. I don't really no what to do about this predicament. Yes, admittedly I seem like the most insecure person on the planet, but aren't I right in feeling a little bit of envy towards the thoughts of losing her? Perhaps hostility? The thing is I'm not the 'manliest' or most masculine/alpha-male there is...but this is what worries me? What are peoples thoughts on the whole alpha male idea? I really would like some advice on how I can remedy the situation and become more of the man a girl wants to be with. Because at the minute I am losing my confidence, and most likely expelling my energies with frustration over something small. The other issues are that, I have had a complete battle with depression and she has been through it with me, and I guess to some extent she gets tired of me. And probably thinks 'what-if' when she sees another man she likes. Which is what bothers me, I want to be in the sort of relationship where her and I only have 'eyes for one and other'. Like she has said to me in the past that oh "that guys hot/nice", and it angers me to think that shes seeking out things in other men. Usually these men are more muscular than myself (I'm quite out of shape 'beer gut'), look more masculine etc. Its just hurtful. I also find it painfully hard to be alpha and to understand that such men generally get the girls...maybe i cannot face reality. I feel I am a little bit emotionally unstable to be fair. Does anyone have any perspectives that can shed some light on this issue? Any females particularly, I would like your viewpoint on this?

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979