changing need, marriage, where does that leave things?

Its been 7-8 months since I have been on here. Recent events have brought several things to the front of my mind, which i guess is good, but now i am really consciously aware of them. Two different couples that we know are having some marriage issues. They both have been married in the range of 10-15 years. 10-mile high summary Couple 1: basically, they work together all the time, and have issues delegating tasks/etc/etc, and that has bled into the personal life, they stopped really talking to each other, the husband became friendly with another woman, the wife found out, and they are going to consuling. And making remarkable progress. Seems like some basic communication issues where one person would say something and the person would interpret it differently and just cause an escaltion. Couple 2: I'd say they are on the brink of consuling. Seems like similar communication issues, in which they both have different and opposing interests (one is active and outdoorsy, the other not so much, but enjoys it from time to time). the wife here is spending more time at work, probably to avoid husband, and things are just getting worse for them. They argue and maybe things will boil over in a few more months...or not. So what does this have to do with me?? Well....these couples are really concerning me. I think they have some basic communication issues and both couples generally want to stay together. My thoughts, that I cannot get out of my mind anymore, dont quite seem like basic communication issues.....And in talking tothe husband of couple #1, i started lightly bringing up some of my thoughts to my wife..... So here is where we are at: My wife and I don't fight or argue, pretty rare, extremely rare. She is attractive as well, we have two kids as well. My main issues, which I have started to lightly begin to voice, is that i feel really taken for granted. I pretty much said that exactly to my wife, biting my tounge a bit, and compared myself to a lamp. You know, the lamp is on, its makes light so everyone can do their things, but you never really think about a lamp. This started to come into my thoughts maybe about 3-4 years ago, but for the most part I have tried to keep it out of my mind. That is becoming nearly impossible at this point though, along with other thoughts that make me think maybe I really am not a great person..... I provide pretty much the entire finanical flow for our household (my wife does have a college degree and worked for many years, but she is home with the kids, she works 3-5 hours a week in her profession though). We take multiple vacations, new cars, blah, blah, blah...you get the idea on that. We do a date night once a month, sometimes twice. Or go out with other couples as well. We have lawn service, house cleaner who comes once a month and hits all the 'problem' areas, and other things.... I just feel like she doesn't think any of this is 'special'. that sounds awful, but thats the way I feel. I have heard other girlfriends of hers say "gee i wish my husband...." I also help out around the house. The wife and kids goto the horse barn riding 4-5 days a week. Usually 3 on the weekday. I get dinner together for them when they are at the horse barn on weeknights. I do other items as well, clean up a bit around the house, dishes/etc. It just feels like there is no...i dont know the right word...maybe passion? that isn't quite right either.... I feel like all of the things I provide, enable her and the kids to lead a pretty nice life. And I feel like she thinks all of this stuff happens by "magic". I'm not looking for a pat on the back every day....but...when she says something like "if we can't go on a fancy vacation....i probably would just wait and not want to go". So I have gotten into some of my old hobbies (well one in particular - racing cars) since I have some time and cash flexibility for it now. I am starting to do more car racing events, to get out of the house, see other people in a social environment, where I can get some positive feedback and be around people who think I am doing something well. Wife & kids are also doing more horse shows, and I am kind of encouring that. My kids love it...and I love that they love it....but I also kind of like that it gets my wife away from me for a few days. How bad is that? When we talked about some of these issues, she had said that she is not the type of person to really fawn over anyone. And I do know that about her. I wouldn't really describe her as an overly "warm" person -- that's not the right words either...but its a best i can describe. She listened to what I had to say though. A good example, which is one of my turning points, was about 3 years ago. She is very had to surprise...always figures things out if she starts thinking about things. I bought a new car for her, and timed it for a few days before christmas. Made up some dumb excuse about why we both needed to take the current car she had to the dealership. They had the new car ready, stupid red bow on it and all. Granted I had build this up in my mind...but i was expecting something more than "oh, that is nice!" eh...... She did come a few days ago to one of my test days at the race track where I took one my cars. I told her how excited I was to have her there, skipped one of the test run groups so we can goto lunch, and it was nice to have her there. Usually its just me, or me and some of the other folks I have met and become friends with. Then there is the "s.e.x" ... now I have not brought this up to her....But I am getting tired of it. Tired of always being the initiator for any kind of activity. Its been about 17 years, so I think she could at least initiate a few times? Then these things couple with the house and how it is maintained. I have sort of mentioned this...but she gets highly defensive on it. What do I mean here.....i want to say something like this "gee, i know you work 4 hours a week, and go grocery shopping, and get massage, or coffee with your friends....and I don't care if i do the dishes because I want to have a clean coffee cup to drink from....but how come there are piles of laundry in a continuously backed up state all around the house?" Obviously, i would not say that exactly ... still working on how to wrap that in sugar and repeat it to her. So instead of that, i bought a basket and put my stuff in there. And I'll run my own laundry if i need to. I don't want to leave my wife or kids or split up our house. But I am becoming highly concerend about my thinking, my growing need for positive feeback or whatever you want to call it, and the fact that I am getting tired of initiating s.e.x with her. These things don't sound like couple-1 and couple-2 basic communication issues. These sound like personality traits that are becoming more pronunced in myself and maybe her to some degree as well. I know that she has to the wife in couple-1 that "things are great" when discussing our marriage. I would not say the same....well I would if the wife in couple-1 asked...but I dont believe it. Our kids are 9 years old (twins) and so that gives them about abother 9 years in the house before they really leave? That will go fast. I am sure we will be married in 5 years...10 years? That's a little cloudy. I started talking a little bit about this to her after talking the couple-1 husband. I told him alot of this in exact the same detail as I am writing this. I didn't think he would tell his wife too much, and even if he did and she told my wife....i kinda didn't care at that point. This is about 3 weeks ago for time reference. I told the couple-1 husband that I think there is a better than zero chance that at some point in the next 5-10 years...I am going want to take a break from my marriage. So he suggested I start talking to her rather than just leave one day. Which I agree with intellectually....but.....maybe just leaving is the right idea. a long term vacation? there are alot of nice racetracks out west! so i am not sure what to do. i would say that 90% of things are great in my marriage, but I am focusing more on the things that are not. That I feel like someone else would apprecaite me more? Or that I need appreciation/positive-feedback? And that this is growing? And I am getting tired of initiating sex/kissing with my wife? I have had short 'day-dreams' of leaving....if the kids were not around...maybe I would do it? or maybe we are going to break up some day?

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