Caught in the Middle

I am 40 years old and the mother of 3 teen boys. I married and had them fairly young. My marriage ended abruptly when my youngest son was 7 months old. I later got divorced and vowed to never ever get married again. I raised my boys on my own—just the four of us. One day about 2 years ago, I met the man of my dreams. He had never been married never had any children. We hit it off really well. It felt so good to be in the company of man for a change. Ever since I had my boys, I've been the mentor, mediator, motivator, the cook, the gardener, the chauffer, and everything else you can imagine. I was good and ready to enjoy another chapter in my life. He was easy to talk to and was very interested in my well being. He complimented me and likewise I did him. We went on mini weekend trips, went to dances, political events, theater, museums, candle light dinners, pool parties, backyard bbqs and etc. We had such a good time together—I never had so much fun in the company of the opposite sex. We fell in love, he asked me to marry him. We got married this past August. He moved into my house that I share with my three sons. It just made since because I have a mortgage and he was renting an apartment. The second month that we were all under the same roof, my husband began to talk about changing some things. He said that my boys were lazy, wasting my money on cell phone usages, expensive food, expensive clothes and tech gadgets. We had a family meeting where he said that we all would be put on a budget to stop reckless spending. A month later, my husband handed the boys there allowance which was barely enough for three days of lunch money. I asked my husband to let me handle it. He says no, I spoiled them and some changes need to be made. A few weeks later my husband asks my 13 year old to take the trash out before going to school. He ran out the house rushing to catch the bus and forgot all about the trash. When my husband got home from work he approached my son about it. Then my 17 year old didn't like the way my husband was talking to his little brother, so he confronted him. My 17 year old told my husband to do it himself and if he kept bugging them, he would throw him out the house. My husband argued back and forth and then at this point all three of my boys were in an argument with him. My husband storms out the house to work the next morning. I leave shortly behind him. When he gets home from work that day he can't get into the house because the boys bar-ed the front door with a chair. My husband walked around the house to the back door in an attempt to get in. He discovers that all of his expensive suites, shirts, slacks and every piece of clothing he owned including underwear & socks was laying out on the back lawn. He was furious. He called me to come home right away. My boys sat in the window laughing and calling him names. That day my husband said that he couldn't take it and he was picking up his things and moving out. I thought this would only last a day or two. It's been two months now. I cry every night because I miss my husband. I didn't realize that blending a family would be so difficult. I agree my boys were a little hard on him, but he was hard on them too. I thought things would adjust and balance out quickly. Now I am by myself again. We are newlyweds and should not be separated. My husband refuses to come back to the house. If I want to see him or share intimacy with him, I have to go to his apartment. We are supposed to be a family but I feel torn between my boys and my husband. I don't know how to handle this situation. There is no book that gives instructions on how to deal wit this. I need help badly. I love my children but I love my husband also. My boys try to comfort me by saying he was not right for me and I can do better. They don't see him they way I do. Please help me with some good advice. I don't know what to do.

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