Wife said she 'needs space' - Help

Wow. Not quite sure where to start with this. I am 42, my wife is 38. We have been together for 15 years and married for the last 5 years. No kids. Our relationship has always been good, and over the years we have developed many shared interests, enjoyed fantastic holidays, and been mutually supportive to each other. Occasionally we would argue over something, usually fairly small things and we were always patched up within a couple of hours. She has generally looked after the household stuff and is very driven in this regard (she will always be up at the crack of dawn ironing, or mending something – which is good as I am not very DIY-capable). Sometimes the arguments are about how I don't do 'enough' around the house and she is always right, so I usually agree to pick up some of the chores, which she then usually doesn't let me do as she rushes in to do them or stops me half way to take over. It's perhaps always been a constant irritant of hers, but nothing I thought which would destroy the marriage. She can be a bit neurotic about things at times, and has a succession of office-based jobs where she has run into problems with someone or feels sidelined. I have always offered very strong emotional and professional support, helped her plan her approach and if necessary helped her look for another job. Last year, we managed to find a job that not only sounded perfect for her, but was also in the realm of one of our 'shared' hobbies and something I knew she felt passionate about. She interviewed and got the job. I have never seen her so happy at work and I was happy for her. Then things started getting a bit weird. The place she is working in is very much a male dominated environment, and the men are very much 'mens men' in that they were generally outdoory engineer types. She struck up a friendship with one of the guys there who is seen as a bit prickly by a lot of the people there but I've met and is also very witty and can be charming. She started talking about this guy all the time (he is about 47), and mentioned how he was happening to turn up at places she was working at, as he was in the area. Now whilst I was not thrilled with this, I felt a bit hypocritical about showing too much distrust as years ago I had a fairly close friendship develop at work with a woman who I shared lifts to work with. That friendship has continued, albeit in a more distant manner since but as a result I didn't want to 'lay the law down' or anything. Besides, I'm really not that kind of guy. So, we get to late last year (Nov) and she starts showing signs of – I believe – depression. She seemed to alternate between being angry about stuff or bursting into tears. She herself talked about how she felt like it was a mid-life crisis. She felt she had made the wrong decision not to have kids years ago but didn't want them now as she likes her job so much. She was saying that she felt 'overwhelmed' and that she was the only one to do anything in the house. When trying to talk to her, she would reel off a list of core reasons she felt this way, the problem was it was like a list of everything that she found remotely annoying about me, right down to leaving an empty coffee mug on the side. Despite talking and trying to address every issue in turn, I felt that as soon as I had an 'action plan' around one thing, she would think of another. It soon became apparent that even if I completely changed myself, my habits and my behaviour in just about every way, there would still be something else. It came to Christmas, and whilst things weren't rosy they seemed okay-ish. I also spent some time with her visiting family and so on. Obviously, she wasn't at work during this time and she didn't talk about the guy much as he was on holiday with his wife over the festive period. After Christmas she seemed better, things seemed to be looking up. I had suggested she see the doc about the depression and he had referred her to a counsellor and I wondered if just taking this step was a big help to her. Her guy at work was back but was hospitalised for a short term with a nasty flu bug. She was naturally worried, visited him in hospital etc, however it was following this that things seemed to take a turn for the worse. When he was out of hospital, she said she was going to spend Saturday with this guy doing an activity (in a group) that I didn't think would be her kind of thing, but also she knew I didn't particularly want her to spend weekend time with him. Again, I didn't stop her going, and she came back full of enthusiasm for the day she had. The next day she was a bit snappy about a few minor things, and didn't wake me up as she always does on a Sunday (I often stay up quite late on Sat night so don't set an alarm and rely on her coming in to chat to me to wake), as a result she said she was sick of me getting up late. When I asked what she wanted to do, she said she was going to see her mum that afternoon, which was fine if a little disappointing after not seeing her on the Saturday. When home from work on the Monday, she was like a zombie. Very distant, engrossed in her smartphone and I couldn't have a sensible conversation with her. After some probing about what was wrong she burst into tears, gave me the whole speech about being overwhelmed and critically said she wanted to move in with her mum to 'have some space and sort my head out'. I asked how long she felt she needed and she said 'dunno – a month?'. I couldn't understand this – It's not as though we are falling over each other all the time at home, and we only get a few hours together each night before bed, so I'm really not sure what 'having some space' means. I did ask if this was anything to do with this guy at work, and she denied it was. I became quite upset myself, as you would expect, as I absolutely adore this woman and love spending time with her. Everything I do is connected with her, and I struggle to see how she would consider ending the marriage over some of the small (if annoying) things she complains about. As well as hitting me with a million things that annoy her, she claimed that I had refused to talk about stuff previously (untrue), and when I suggested going back and revisiting some of the stuff, she said it was 'too little too late'. I don't think she is having a physical affair with this guy, but I can't rule out the possibility of an emotional one – nor do I think being an attractive woman surrounded by men paying her attention is really helping. We ended up last night in a kind of non-reconciliation situation, and she said we would continue talking tonight. I'm not sure if that will happen, but I am absolutely scared witless as I really don't know what to do. My job is very stressful too, and I can see my focus there suffering as a result too. It's a real mess and pretty much blindsided me yesterday. Any advice welcome.

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