Married for 20+ years and so unhappy

I am new to this forum and have no where to turn but to all of you. My friends and family have watched my rocky relationship for 21 years and I just can't drag them through it anymore. I need to make a decision and either leave and move on or stay and make the best of it. We have had a rocky marraige. He drinks and eats to deal with stress and is not happy with how he looks or how he feels. I just can't seem to do anything right. If I have to hear one more time I am a selfish B, I am going to just lose my mind. His feelings are at the top of my list everyday but somehow if I am not completely satisifed with what he is willing to give, I am an ungrateful, selfish, B. My husband is a divorce attorney. He hates what he does and is miserable in his own skin..and somehow it is my fault. Basically, we are in our mid 40s with three boys, one in college, one going to college and a 14 year old at home with us. My husband is never a really happy per son and takes everything personally. I can never predict his behavior and dealing with problems and angry people all day long carries over into our home and into our relationship. I feel like I deserve someone that will love and accept me for me but I have so much time invested in this relationship. We started dating at 15. Any advice? Do I need to go see a counselor just for me? I can't do this anymore. I want to be loved and respected. Thanks for any help or advice in advance. I would love to be able to keep my family together but I feel like I am sacrificing my very self by staying.

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