I need advice. Now. :(

Right, I'm 18, a girl, and I love my boyfriend. I've been with him for over a year apart from a break, we've known eachother for a long time and he tells me he loves me back. However. Before we got together, we had a couple casual flings with each other, sleeping together, but he still had feelings for his ex girlfriend up until around May of 2011, we got together in November 2011. But I still would worry during our relationship that he still wanted her or she was who he still loved etc - i know it was insanely paranoid of me and I know that I should have just accepted, he's with me he loves me, but I couldn't work out if it was because he couldn't have her. He did seem very affectionate with me etc though so I do think he loved and loves me. But, round september, he went off to uni as did i and we broke up, we were arguing and different problems were occuring .. during the period after we broke up we argued and argued from september until december. We had a period during october and november where we didnt talk. This is when I later found out, he'd actually slept with his ex. The ex I'd been worried about that he still had feelings for. Yeah. Her. He apparently got talking to her online, they met up days later, had sex, argued and he ended up sleeping on the floor apparently.. then he carried on texting her after he went home :S and he went back to see his friend who went to that uni and saw her for half an hour to tell her he didnt want anything more to do with her. Hummm. ANYWAY. after all this came out, i still got back with him, and we're together again. But i am hurting like HELL. every day. every time he touches me. I don't trust him. I am literally heartbroken. I know that we'd broken up, he could sleep with whoever he wanted. I wouldn't even care if it was just some random girl. But her? He knew how i felt about all that, he told me that all that was ancient, he only ever loved me, he swore he'd never have anything to do with her again, he promised. I said this to him, and he said, "i didnt go back to her. i just slept with her". Do you think he still has feelings for her? I don't know :( The worst thing is that when we broke up I spent a good 6 weeks begging him to come back to me and telling him how much I loved him, wanted him, etc. When I look back I really do cringe. I mean I literally spent my freshers week getting absolutely wrecked and crying my eyes out. One night I left him 5 voicemails. I know it's pathetic but I have never felt pain like that in my life. I wanted him to care and want me like I wanted him and all he wanted was for me to dissappear. He literally did not want to know me. Then round december/january I dont know, maybe he came to his senses or something, he told me he was so sorry, regretted sleeping with his ex, it was a bad idea he was drunk it was stupid etc, he wanted and loved me.. Bearing in mind the only reason he properly came clean about sleeping with her was because we were having a big argument and he actually used it against me. He ended up begging me to see him and get back with him, telling me she meant nothing, I'm who he wants. But in the back of my mind I am SO resentful, all I can think when I see a girl on his facebook or his phone goes off is.. well, you know. I don't want to be this way because I hate feeling like this )): His flatmates have told me he never ever mentions her and always is talking about me.. but idk.. Will I ever get over this? Will I ever stop feeling so broken? Having sex feels so wrong compared to what it used to feel like and I don't know if it's because of that. I still love him so much. But I can't be with him feeling like I feel. He doesn't understand where I'm coming from. He wants this to be never mentioned again, forgiven, that's that. He wants me to believe that he loves me and forget everything else. But how can i. Will it go away eventually.. or am i better off saying goodbye and moving on :( What do I do.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979