I can't take it anymore

For anyone who doesn't know my story I will very briefly cover it. My wife left me 7 months ago. She took our baby with her, and they live interstate, 300+ miles away. He was 8 weeks old at the time. We were married just on 2 years. I am able to see him on Skype, and whenever I can. However it is very hard as they live in a very remote town. She lives with her parents. I am not going to do into the details of why she left me. They are too painful. Some here will know. I was left in a town with no friends or family. In a haze of grief, I was single handedly left to deal with land agents, lawyers, home loan people, open house inspections, banks and work. The only family I have is my mother who lives interstate and I can only talk to her on the phone. Now, the job I loved and my great work colleagues has been taken. There were 3 people and 2 positions. The know it all young girl stays, and the lazy bad attitude guy stays. I lose out as always. I will now be working in a job which I know I will hate due to company restructure. A job which involves face to face contact with customers. I hate customers and I am a very anxious person. I will be the only male on the front desk with 4 or 5 other 'power' women. I can't deal with anymore. I really can't. All I can see in the future is darkness. I cannot laugh or smile. All I can do is cry, worry, be full of terror and anxiety, guilt, sorrow, regret and some anger. I was once a very religious person, but I feel that God has abandonded me. Either that, or he is punishing me. I'll never know my son. I only get a few hours a month (if I can make it) to be with him. He will not know me as his father. I know he will be taken care of. There is only so much a man can take, and I think I have reached it. I'm tired. I just want to sleep forever. I can't deal with the pain any longer. Yes, I am on anti depressants. I just want to rest in the arms of an angel; to be at peace. To leave this hell on earth. So my plan is wear a good suit, to have a lovely last meal, and because I have a little dog and cat they have to come with me. I will give them a yummy last meal. Then I will have a last cigarette and listen to our wedding song.

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