I have been reading hundreds of posts on this site and it's the same story over and over, which makes me wonder about our true motives as the BS and the message we send by staying with our WS. Doesn't R tell the WS that they can get away with anything since the BS is willing to give their all to fix the M even after suffering the worst betrayal? We even go as far as "rewarding" them with HB sex when they should be the last person we'd want to be intimate with. To me it seems that we all know deep down that we deserve to be loved without having to do all this hard work. Today, I feel that R is essentially us begging our WS to love us like they once did, because we desperately want to feel safe again, loved again, even if it's a tainted kind of love from the same person who betrayed and hurt us. Are we willing to put up with what we have always thought as the ULTIMATE dealbreaker in a marriage simply out of fear of being alone? Isn't it pathetic that WS can and have found love elsewhere, while we can't bring ourselves to believe that we too can move on from 15 years of M and find a truly loving person who is NOT a cheater? Our WS have hurt us to the core then most of the time stayed with us for reasons that have little to do with real love. This is especially true for cake eaters. They'd lose too much in a divorce, so they stay and do their best to R. But what do we win out of R? The illusion of happiness with "the devil we know"? I am so lost. | |||
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BS: aren't we all rewarding them with R?
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