| So, I posted in another thread a bit back about meeting someone I thought was the other man. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ml#post1458514. I met the real one on Friday: On the way to pick up my youngest I dropped into a supermarket a few miles from home. Ironically, I deliberately avoided the best as I know the OM goes there and my ex saw him there a few months ago. I got to the first aisle and there he was. To my surprise I was quite calm; he was exchanging pleasantries with someone about hours at work and had what looked like a grandchild with him. As I approached, I stared at him and I could see he knew why. We only officially met once before about 8 years ago so he may not have recognised me immediately. He continued to talk - more hesitantly - with his acquaintance and I wheeled my trolley past him very slowly, staring all the while. He started to stutter and had to turn to look where I was as I walked past. I had forgotten how ugly and short he was. It sounds odd, but I was pleased I had lost weight over the last 12 months and I was wearing probably the most flattering shirt I have. He was dressed in precisely the slobby gear I expected him to wear. I am afraid it is relevant that he is of a different cultural background to me and the mother of my children and this difference hit me more than I had thought it would in that he was much blacker and (sorry!) shinier than I recalled. My first feelings were of revulsion for all sorts of reasons, but then the anger and resentment I feel every minute of every day resurfaced. I was conscious of his granddaughter (she looked about 8) being present and so decided not to cause any sort of scene. I walked forward slowly and then positioned myself so he could not pass me without asking me to move and feigned interest in some canned peaches. He, in turn, feigned interest in some danish pastries and engaged his grandchild in a conversation about what type she liked. I was in a bit of a daze and ended up going up and down the aisles of the relatively small supermarket. He seemed to disappear, but I saw him again near to our first encounter; he was talking hurriedly into his phone with his hand covering his mouth. I surmised that he was calling a friend as he looked nervous. I waited another few minutes near the checkout and he didn't appear. I checkout out and went to the car park - I knew his car from descriptions from my ex (we are together for now). It was parked across a grass verge from my car. I got into my car and determined to wait for him; not sure why. He didn't show, so I drove across the kerbs and grass verge to park by his car. I was hoping he would see me as it would have looked pretty awesome in a childish and unrelenting way. 10 minutes went by and he hadn't appeared. He was clearly hiding in the supermarket in much the same way as he had hid when I went to his house in April last year. I had to go to pick my youngest up so drove away slowly, looking for him. I have no idea what I would have done had he appeared - especially with his grandchild in tow - but I knew I had to do something. That was Friday and it's been a bad weekend. The last few weeks have been getting worse as I have figured out more (trivial) lies and my ex hadn't been doing much of what she promised to do. I had forgotten just how physically revolting the OM is/was and just looking at my ex has been difficult. Perhaps it's been another nail in the coffin of our relationship (marriage ended in Feb). Perhaps it is one of the last hurdles before we can begin rebuilding. I have a lot of patience because she is trying in other ways and we have 2 children who need us to be together. Our family works in a dysfunctional way but the threads holding us together are becoming gossamer thin. For practical reasons, I cannot leave for maybe 2 weeks. That will be the acid test, but this episode didn't help... | |||
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