Help needed please.

About a week ago I found out my husband has an affair with a lwoman of 75.My husband and I are 64 and have been married for 41 years.We have 2 children and 2 grandchildren. It is a long story but I really dont want to lose him and he was my friend as well as husband. This woman lives in America,we are in Europe but they met here last year when she visited and came to our house as a guest.She abused my hospitality.I am sure the pressure on him comes from her as she lost her husband this year and my husband helped her though his death via skype,late evenings when I had gone to bed. When I found out,through a stupid email to him from her, he told me he will never give her up but he doesnt want to lose me either. This person is now over here again on holiday and she seems to have thought my husband would move in with her when I found out.Not so. He still is at home with me and visits her once a week for a day / night visit. I think she must be really mad at him for this ,not that it is any comfort. I am trying to keep calm and pleasant and not to ask any questions . He seems quite exhausted and is always falling asleep on the sofa ! I bet he isnt allowed to do that when they are together. She now plans to buy a flat here and leave USA and her children and grandchildren and friends to be here. She is now pressurising my husband to decide what he wants so she can go ahead with her plans.He told me he doesnt think it a good idea at her age to leave her home and country,and says he told her that,also asking her if she would be prepared to spend years in an old people's home here if she needed care. At least he seems to think ahead for her. IN spoite of all this and my feelings or anger and betrayal I would like to have him back,I still love him,but realise it would take a lot of work.He says he cant draw backtowards me as that would mean drawing away from her of finishing the relationship which he says he " cant " do. He says he is in turmoil and tormented knowing whatever he decides , someone is going to be badly hurt. Anyone else been here and survived it ? What is best to do. I never ever thought I would have to ask for this help.Thanks

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