| Hi all, I'm sure you've heard a million versions of the same story, but here goes. I married too young just to get out of the house because my parents were emotionally abusive. I really did think that love was all that mattered and that I could choose to love and make the relationship work no matter what. I honestly just wanted a safe environment and I knew he'd never hurt me or yell at me because he's extremely passive. It makes him easy to live with, but very very boring. I'm a vibrant, creative, spitfire of a woman, and he's your average nice guy. I have a fondness for him(I haven't loved him in a while), but most of the time I resent how passive he is and it literally drives me insane. He says he loves me, but he never wants to talk or work on our marriage, and he never takes me seriously when I say that I want a good marriage or no marriage. I've grown a lot in the past few years and he can't seem to recognize that. He literally baby talks to me. Seems to think it's cute. I've asked him to stop multiple times, but he never remembers. Several weeks ago I told him that if he wanted to stay married he needed to 1. Read a VERY SMALL marriage book 2. Start going to counseling. He read about 5 pages and because of my prodding, he emailed a counselor, but never would answer her reply. He told me to let him do it his way. His way is apparently not doing it. I know our marriage is a lot better than what a lot of people have, but I don't want "Hey, at least he doesn't beat me!" I want to be able to be with someone that I can wake up every morning next to and be blissfully happy about it. I've had that one day in our marriage. One happy day before he took it away again. I'm the kind of person that can be happy and positive just so long as the people I'm with will let me. He makes fun of me when I try to be serious, optimistic, or lovey-dovey. He calls it friendly teasing, I call it "that hurts my feelings, so stop it" I really think it comes down to us just not being compatible, and him not really caring about me. I've pretty much decided I want out of the relationship, but he still maintains he loves me and refuses to even consider splitting up. I've tried reasoning with him, telling him he'd be happier with someone who wasn't as demanding, maybe someone who would be just as into electronics as he is (I love to go outside, but all he does every single night is sit on his computer) but he won't hear it. I would have left him a long time ago if I hadn't been an extremely devout Christian, but I've recently come to the conclusion that just because a young person who wasn't brought up right made a stupid choice, and has tried their very best to make the situation work, doesn't mean they should be punished for the rest of their lives for it. I've got another good 70 years ahead of me and I certainly don't want to spend them with a person I don't wholeheartedly love. Sorry this is kind of rambly, but how can I get him to stop living in denial? Is there any way I can just get an annulment, or is there a time period and does he have to agree? I just want out. I don't want an ugly messy divorce, I'm not mad at him (right now) and I don't want to hurt him, but I'm done letting him hurt me. He's been pushing me away since the day we were married, and I've finally gotten the hint. I would stay officially married and live as roommates (I think that would suit him just fine), but I deserve more, and frankly I need more. I find myself drooling over guys at work because he never wants to have sex and I'm so pent up! I moved a long way from home to marry him and I can't leave now because I have very little money and no friends, but I'm trying to work my way towards it. I am trying to pay my way through school so I can support myself and have a better life. I didn't think awesome relationships actually existed, but after reading several of the posts on here I realize that there are some people who are actually happy! Who knew!? :p Also, I read a lot of posts from middle aged or older women who stuck it out 20 years or more and I don't want to be that woman... I don't want to wake up 20 years down the road and wonder what why I spent the only life I get being less than happy. Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to proceed, and if you've had a similar experience I'd like to hear about it. How did you tell your family? Did you ever regret leaving? Sometimes I don't want to divorce because I'm literally afraid of becoming homeless and starving to death in an alley somewhere. I know how lucky I am to have a roof over my head. I just want more out of life than shelter and 3 squares a day. | |||
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