Hey gang, thanks for stopping by. I was looking for somewhere to talk about this and well, this seems like the best place so here goes. First thing you should know is that I'm a young man, almost 24. My mother and I are currently enjoying a period of peace, after nearly 20 years spent at home in a dysfunctional, violent and somewhat traumatic family unit. It was, and to an extent still is, a fairly complicated situation but I'll try to spare you the details. Suffice to say, we are learning to get along and know each other, and have made alot of progress since an incident split the family unit. We both have a Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) diagnosis and receive income, so I currently do not have to work for my income and share the costs on a nice condo with my mother. She is very prone to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tendencies but that doesn't definer her ; she is a good woman. I feel slightly late in my adulthood but all in all am satisfied with where I am, although I realise I will have to move on with life eventually and look to earn my place in society. The core of my problem is this : whenever I have a need and she knows it (or snuffs it out, she knows me and is good at feeling these things), she has to go out of her way to satisfy it for me. Sometimes I'll make it clear that I have it handled, and she'll still speed ahead of me. At times it can be embarrassing, and it definitely doesn't help me overcome certain "barriers" or learn to take care of myself. Now don't get me wrong ; sometimes I also need and appreciate her help. Most of the time I'm also grateful. Nobody on earth would be opposed to having someone dedicated to his/her needs. But one thing I don't want to become is the proverbial "mom's basement dweller". I've heard or known too many accounts of such guys and definitely do not want to be headed this way, at least not for any longer than I need to. Still, I feel it's doing more harm than help, and there's a persistent, nagging feeling everytime she does it that it's wrong. My father was on the other extreme end of the balance, wanting me to trip into dirt and learn to get up all on my own. That just wasn't the kind of kid I was though, but now I think I would prefer my mother treat me this way than the way she is currently. She has multiple reasons to act this way, some valid and some less so, but again I'll try to spare the details. At the end of the day I don't think she can help it very much because her OCD takes over when it comes to that. Although I could try to have a discussion about it, I don't think she can help it all the time. So... what should I make of this ? Should I clench my teeth until I move out ? Should I try the honest discussion ? Should I sever the relationship even though we still have to live together for another year at least ? I feel nothing would work so long as we live under the same roof. Wheter you have an answer or not... if you've read this far... thank you. It was nice to share at the very least. Most guys in my situation seem to either have mothers who are distant and leave them be or are actually happy with their situation and care-providing mother, with no real prospect of ever starting college/work or getting a respectable girl. I know not everything is that black and white but I'd like to set some standards for myself. Things for those "archetypes" never seem to end well either. | |||
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Dealing with an affectionate mother that has OCD
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