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I hate my husband when he's drunk

My husband has a drinking problem,
He has never hit me but whenever he's had enough to drink he picks a fight and starts cussing and hurts my feelings which I think is almost as bad as hitting
Most of the time he's a loving husband, good Dad and provider
But he has PTSD and when he drinks on the weekends he becomes another person
I have talked to him about drinking and he said he would not stop period.
Can I leave? no
I have no money, my job only gives me $800 a month and I have 2 kids

If only he could be the sweet guy he's most of the time
But when he drinks he makes me hate him to the point I want to kick his ****ing ass like for real
I need a way to manage my anger
I'm so sad right now
I hate when he treats me like ****


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