I am feeling so hopeless and stuck in my marriage. I married my best friend almost 2 decades ago and have two beautiful children that we love very much. I love him and still consider him my best friend. I am pretty sure he loves me too. But our personal needs seem not to match.
I would like to spend a lot of time with him, have conversation, be playful, be intimate. Whenever I initiate, it happens to some extent BUT if I don't initiate he goes about his life for months together. Earlier I did not pay much attention but then I started noticing it and started feeling bad because it seems like I am the one who needs the emotional and physical connection...he does not care too much about it.
I told him how I feel. He says that he cares about it too but is just busy. At first, I accepted that but now I notice that is not true. He finds time to go out drinking with his buddies couple of times a month, he makes time to watch TV every night (and has said to me many times that he needs alone TV watching to relax), he spends time with his collegaues (he says its important to do that in his profession)....It seems to me that he has a reason to make time for everything except some relationship building with me. I gently conveyed this to him over the course of last year many times but it seems like it falls on deaf ears as nothing changes.
Now I have started getting irritated about it too and now he says that he would want to spend time with me if I was not irritable. That made me feel bad about my behavior but I took it as feedback to try to get my behavior better. Its two months later and its the same thing...I have been less irritable and not asked for spending time explicitly and he didn't notice a thing or noticed it but didn't change his behavior to make time for me at all.
So, we had a blow out fight last night and he said that I have a good deal in a husband and that I should try to go shop in the market and will find that there is nothing better I can get......
To top that off, we just found out that we have gotten pregnant accidentally and will be having a baby in 7 months.....but to show how our sex life is, I must point out that its the only time we had sex in 3 months...
I have felt like leaving the marriage many times over the course of the past year but have stayed for the sake of my children.
I don't want to leave because of my children and so I feel STUCK.....he knows it too that I won't leave because of the kids and he says that he would have left too if it was not for the kids.
I am resigned that I can't do anything about this relationship anymore.....but I need to feel better on a day to day basis.....I feel so alone and down and depressed most of the time. I have lost my best friend and my husband even though we live under the same roof.
Give me any advice how to make myself happy....
I would like to spend a lot of time with him, have conversation, be playful, be intimate. Whenever I initiate, it happens to some extent BUT if I don't initiate he goes about his life for months together. Earlier I did not pay much attention but then I started noticing it and started feeling bad because it seems like I am the one who needs the emotional and physical connection...he does not care too much about it.
I told him how I feel. He says that he cares about it too but is just busy. At first, I accepted that but now I notice that is not true. He finds time to go out drinking with his buddies couple of times a month, he makes time to watch TV every night (and has said to me many times that he needs alone TV watching to relax), he spends time with his collegaues (he says its important to do that in his profession)....It seems to me that he has a reason to make time for everything except some relationship building with me. I gently conveyed this to him over the course of last year many times but it seems like it falls on deaf ears as nothing changes.
Now I have started getting irritated about it too and now he says that he would want to spend time with me if I was not irritable. That made me feel bad about my behavior but I took it as feedback to try to get my behavior better. Its two months later and its the same thing...I have been less irritable and not asked for spending time explicitly and he didn't notice a thing or noticed it but didn't change his behavior to make time for me at all.
So, we had a blow out fight last night and he said that I have a good deal in a husband and that I should try to go shop in the market and will find that there is nothing better I can get......
To top that off, we just found out that we have gotten pregnant accidentally and will be having a baby in 7 months.....but to show how our sex life is, I must point out that its the only time we had sex in 3 months...
I have felt like leaving the marriage many times over the course of the past year but have stayed for the sake of my children.
I don't want to leave because of my children and so I feel STUCK.....he knows it too that I won't leave because of the kids and he says that he would have left too if it was not for the kids.
I am resigned that I can't do anything about this relationship anymore.....but I need to feel better on a day to day basis.....I feel so alone and down and depressed most of the time. I have lost my best friend and my husband even though we live under the same roof.
Give me any advice how to make myself happy....
Put the internet to work for you.
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