Going to try and keep this short.
And just so people know, I am a GUY! Don't want people thinking I am a girl.
Dad cheated two years ago. He asked/begged me to beg mom to give him a second chance.
And I quasi-did. Didn't help my relationship. With either parent.
I have two siblings, brother, and sister.
Sister is latching onto daddy, and while their relationship was strained, it is getting better. As is her relationship with mom.
Brother barely talks to dad, but has a relation with mom.
As for me, right now, relationship with both parents is failing. As is my relationship with my siblings, and my extended family. I am having to be both the disciplinarian for my brother, and teach him the things a man needs to know (like how to tie a tie for his homecoming dance) and our relationship is in the gutter. My sister just harps on my constant alcoholism.
My extended family all say the same thing, just in different words: "Be the man of the house." And "Be a better man than...or whatever"
After divorce, moving, and other problems, dad asked me to be his best man in his wedding.
Like a pathetic weakling, I agreed. And was the best man. And my sister went. Don't know why she choose to go.
Got super drunk, (I was 21 at the time, 22 now, so don't freak out. Just haven't updated my username because I don't want to update it every year)
After the wedding, mom began treating me like the unwanted step child. I asked her if she would mind, and she seemed to be indifferent to the idea all together.
After that, I fell into alcoholism. Hell, I know I have problems when I am 21, and an alcoholic.
I've made numerous mistakes, and I am well aware of that. I am not asking about those, nor do I care to rehash them.
What is really starting to take its toll on me, is these mind movies.
I use to think this site was crazy for mentioning crap like mental movies for a BS. Seeing their WS f-ing some loser AP. I thought 'How hard can it be to just ignore them?'
Well, I started having these strange mind movies, as (I assume) my mind tears itself apart.
First one I got was in May of this year. During finals week at school.
It was nothing, just me walking to the front door, and flashing back to when I was in grade school. My dad on the last day of school, would come out in the yard and play with me. I was just reliving some moment of it when what felt like, grade school walked up to the door, and having dad run out and greet me.
I've been having these occurring for months now since May. I'll admit my alcoholism is likely not helping this, but I like to think it isn't hurting it.
Half of these are those memories you don't even remember until you see it, if that makes sense. Like when you forget something, but when you see it again, you realize you knew it, you just didn't search right, I guess.
How do BS deal with this?
More importantly, how do BS get over this?
And how long does it take to get over it? I feel like a freak at school when something makes me remember something, and I feel like breaking down in a class.
And just so people know, I am a GUY! Don't want people thinking I am a girl.
Dad cheated two years ago. He asked/begged me to beg mom to give him a second chance.
And I quasi-did. Didn't help my relationship. With either parent.
I have two siblings, brother, and sister.
Sister is latching onto daddy, and while their relationship was strained, it is getting better. As is her relationship with mom.
Brother barely talks to dad, but has a relation with mom.
As for me, right now, relationship with both parents is failing. As is my relationship with my siblings, and my extended family. I am having to be both the disciplinarian for my brother, and teach him the things a man needs to know (like how to tie a tie for his homecoming dance) and our relationship is in the gutter. My sister just harps on my constant alcoholism.
My extended family all say the same thing, just in different words: "Be the man of the house." And "Be a better man than...or whatever"
After divorce, moving, and other problems, dad asked me to be his best man in his wedding.
Like a pathetic weakling, I agreed. And was the best man. And my sister went. Don't know why she choose to go.
Got super drunk, (I was 21 at the time, 22 now, so don't freak out. Just haven't updated my username because I don't want to update it every year)
After the wedding, mom began treating me like the unwanted step child. I asked her if she would mind, and she seemed to be indifferent to the idea all together.
After that, I fell into alcoholism. Hell, I know I have problems when I am 21, and an alcoholic.
I've made numerous mistakes, and I am well aware of that. I am not asking about those, nor do I care to rehash them.
What is really starting to take its toll on me, is these mind movies.
I use to think this site was crazy for mentioning crap like mental movies for a BS. Seeing their WS f-ing some loser AP. I thought 'How hard can it be to just ignore them?'
Well, I started having these strange mind movies, as (I assume) my mind tears itself apart.
First one I got was in May of this year. During finals week at school.
It was nothing, just me walking to the front door, and flashing back to when I was in grade school. My dad on the last day of school, would come out in the yard and play with me. I was just reliving some moment of it when what felt like, grade school walked up to the door, and having dad run out and greet me.
I've been having these occurring for months now since May. I'll admit my alcoholism is likely not helping this, but I like to think it isn't hurting it.
Half of these are those memories you don't even remember until you see it, if that makes sense. Like when you forget something, but when you see it again, you realize you knew it, you just didn't search right, I guess.
How do BS deal with this?
More importantly, how do BS get over this?
And how long does it take to get over it? I feel like a freak at school when something makes me remember something, and I feel like breaking down in a class.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment